Oh, I missed a lot here in one day! Becky, I have to agree with the set nap idea. We've started doing that and things have gotten a little better. It just sort of happened naturally as that's what we do with DS#1~ we don't have a baby monitor for him, so we have no idea what time he wakes/falls asleep. He's just used to the times we have set for him. We have started to similar things for Jesse and his set naps have seemed to have him sleeping in a little later. The trade-off is that he has long NWs. It must just be that he's not quite ready for the long A times needed for one nap so he's making up for that at night! LOL! Whatever.
Anyway, you're a great mom from what I see and you should just try not to let it get you down. You're already doing loads to promote good sleep habits which is only going to pay off in the future. This is only a stage and things will change and more tweaking will be needed shortly enough, so just ride through it as best you can. Who knows? Maybe you'll accidentally stumble on that balance sooner than you think.