18 month old - no sleep pattern and doesn't go to bed until gone 10pm, need help

[baileyscommet]

Anna, this sounds like a really well thought out plan. My only concern is that he rarely sleeps 11 hours - perhaps once a fortnight. More often its 8 to 10 (tops). Do you think his sleep pattern will lengthen with the training?

I'd be really nervous about trying to put him down at 6.30 if he misses a nap because hed be up for the day at 2 or 3 am! Or is that part of the training?

Thanks ever so

[j.and.e]

I wud try it 4 two wks. If he wakes at 2-3am dont get him up. Keep telling him to sleep. If he doesnt need 11hrs and u get him going to bed well, sttn, napping well etc then you can always adjust bt and wu to suit. My lo usd to wake at 5am and sometimes even earlier (4.15am once). I usd wi.wo to teach him to resettle in the am and it worked in 3days! Xx

[anna*]

What pp said. Just because he sleeps 8-10 hrs, that doesn't mean that's all he needs. If he wakes at 3am obviously that's a night waking, not the start of the day so you'll sit on his floor in the dark while he carries on, until he goes back to sleep or it's genuinely morning (6am, not before)

[baileyscommet]

Thank you both. So after another 10.35pm bedtime, I think I'm ready to start this process tonight. Do you think it would be better if we alternated every 45 mins or took it in turns each evening? I've only ever put little man to bed as he won't let dh, so which is the more gentler approach or do you think it doesn't really matter?

[anna*]

I don't think it matters much - I might start out by tag teaming, but really, doesn't matter. If you can I would start at nap time rather than at bedtime. Rmember stay calm keep your voice soft and low, let your voice and body show him how to relax. Expect tantrums, just keep your cool and hang in there. Good luck let us know how it goes!!

[Shiv52]

Anna has given you some great advice.  Here we took it night about as the tag teaming was just too much for my DD1 and she got SO upset when it was DH taking over and it disrupted the process so if he is used to just you it may be better you do the first night and let DH do the next night so that he starts to realise that when its daddy's night to do bedtime it is daddy's turn just in case he thinks all the crying made you come back as opposed to it just being your turn IYKWIM? 

As a frame of reference my friends LO screamed and cried for 5 hours the first night she did sleep training at 19 months.  And then another 2 hours at a NW a few hours later.  Next night was less than an hour so do prepare yourself for a few very rough nights and not give up if it seems he's still not settled after a few hours. 

[anna*]

Good point.

[baileyscommet]

Thank you both, this is really really helpful. I really want to start as soon as possible but I've got a lot of errands and doc/hosp appointments this week so can't see how I would fit in trying to sort out the nap using this routine/method. Is that going to cause a problem? Would you advise waiting but then in honesty, there is something going on every day over the next few weeks - I'm beginning to panic and try and get everything ready for the new arrival... Last question I promise!

[anna*]

I think you need to make sure he's getting a nap each day, and it's going to be confusing for him and slow progress if you do sleep training at bedtime but not at naps. How/when would you normally do naps on busy days?

[baileyscommet]

This is part of the problem Anna, he will not nap at home. He will only nap in the car or very very occassionnally in his pushchair out on a walk but this is very rare indeed. He just wants to see everything going on and doesn't want to wind down at all. Obviously when at home then I would use the method for day time naps but for the next few weeks because of the new arrival things are manic and I don't see how I could cancel hospital appointments and I really don't want to put off the training.

[anna*]

do you have not even a few days in a row where you can be home for a nap? Maybe over a weekend plus Friday and Monday? I dont know I will be interested to see what any of the mods or GM say but to me it seems pretty unlikely that you'll get good results at bedtime if he's overtired from not getting a nap in the daytime.

[baileyscommet]

Well he would be getting a nap but just whilst out in the car etc. Yes there are a few days in a row for example I'm home tomorrow, then thurs then obviously over the weekend. But the next few weeks are manic in general and I really need to do this before my teenage son starts his final year at school in 3 weeks time. I guess I'm thinking that I'd like to start tonight, then I've got tomorrow to work on nap, then tomorrow night, then thurs at home etc does that seem reasonable or completely unlikely to work?

[anna*]

I guess all you can do is give it a try! If you can get any longish naps that will help. Any and every time he is due a nap at home I would stick to the plan, and of course all night sleeps and any night wakings too. There will be no harm in starting at bedtime, it just can be harder than if they've started with a nap the same day to 'practice'. But yes, you have to work with your circumstances so start tonight!

[Shiv52]

Yes there are a few days in a row for example I'm home tomorrow, then thurs then obviously over the weekend.

I'd say that will give you a good start. 

I agree with Anna and i think you need to stick to the plan for any naps you can get at home and all bedtimes and NWs/EWs.

Good luck xx

[j.and.e]

good luck! Xx