Obsessing around schedules

[Avas_Mommy]

This board is such a life saver. I keep coming back, reading new posts and re-reading older ones just to remind myself to relax. I hope that it sinks in eventually. Right now, it's horrific if Ava has a short nap, and God-forbid she ever misses one (that has never happened- I think the world could end).
Marina, my stomach drop when I hear my LO wake early from a nap as well. And the sad thing is, that is the norm for me! I actually think it's normal to feel that way, and am beginning to realise it's not!!! I don't know exactly why I feel so much pressure and I really hope I relax a bit more soon. I was invited out to lunch today but I said no because Ava has to nap.... I realise now that I should have said yes and not worried about it. Ugh
I love my lil girl so much, I'm tying myself in knots!

[Pigeon]

Hi, I'm just marking my place because I could (and probably will!) write a whole ESSAY on this subject!
Will be back after the school run!

[Avas_Mommy]

Looking forward to your essay, Pigeon!

[JJshappymum]

Avas_Mommy -  Good to know I'm not alone on this. Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm starting to think it is typical for most mommies to feel super involved and even obsess about our children's well-being.

 For 2 days now, I have been trying to avoid the clock and not count his hours down to the very minute and it is very hard. However, believe it or not there is not much of a difference in his naps. He still has good naps and not so good naps. Yesterday we went out in the afternoon and wouldn't you know...there was traffic on the way home. It went way past his bedtime and he eventually fell asleep in the car. We did have a little rough time going down for nighttime but today was a new day and we started over.

When I catch myself constantly referring to the clock or counting and calculating, I take a deep breath and try to relax. If anything, I am starting to feel better than I have in a long time.

You are doing the very best that you can and your lo is very lucky. I know what you mean about refusing invitations and I do it aaallllll the time! I just can't immagine going out actually knowing that it will run into naptime.Try taking the first step, organize an outing.That really helped me become more flexible. Obviously it won't be near her naptime but...it gets you into the habit of going out.

Keep up the good work!

Hugs

[JJshappymum]

Pigeon, please share!

[charmie]

Ava's mommy you should really have gone to that lunch    I used to do the same though.  Still do do sometimes and my lo is 18months.  Her sleep is very important to me...almost a mission lol.  I am much more relaxed now though and when I do go out I make sure I stay in for the next couple of days so that she can catch up on sleep.

xxx
charm

[Pigeon]

Hi, well, basically I could have written any one of your posts. The perfectionist that I am, I COMPLETLEY obsessed about DD's schedule when she was little - my Ante-natal and post-natal buddies thought I was completely MAD when I said I couldn't stay out for coffee/lunch/go to the park etc as I had to get DD back to her cot for 12.30/1/1.30 etc.  From a REALLY early age I obsessed about her naps during the day, and I SO remember that stomach churning feeling if she woke up early from a nap. I felt for me, as well as for her, it was vital that she got in a routine so that I could have that "me" time (the Y in EASY). In addition, DD was a very light sleeper. A couple of times I tried to go "shopping" with her newborn in a pram (during her nap time) in shopping centres, but couldn't go into any of the shops as the air-con at the entrances would wake her up.  . I had such a disatrous attempt that I never went back. Somehow we got through it all (it DID get easier as she got older, for example), but I didn't "enjoy" her babyhood at all.
When DS came along, I found the same pattern emerging, although this time of course, he had to fit in around school runs etc. I remember thinking, I can't get out of bed this morning, the day is already ruined as he's woken up half an hour early.  And rationally, looking back, what sort of a life is that? As some of you know I made myself emotionally very unwell at this time and spiralled into depression. It was at that point (after some heavy drugs and quite a lot of therapy) that I made the conscious decision to step away from BW for a while, as I thought that my obsessing around the EASY routine etc was contributing to my depression.   
However, having reflected quite a lot about it since, I think Tracy's original vision of BW DOES make sense. I don't think she EVER wanted parents to view her EASY routine as a big stick with which to beat themselves. Instead, I think she meant it as a tool by which parents could try and find a balance between themselves as parents and themselves as individuals. And that balance is SO important.
As a pp said, DS's sleep is still extremely important to me (his two hour nap after lunch is enabling me to study as an Ante-natal teacher, for example). But likewise, if he grabs a quick nap in the car on the way back from a playdate on the odd day, its not the end of the world.

Sorry if I've been preaching (!), but as you can tell, this subject is one that has occupied me for the best part of 5 years now.....
But I hope that helps someone out there. I guess the best thing we can do is relax, and try and enjoy our babies, as they get so big, so quick.
 

[jopan78]

My husband just cannot comprehend why I am obsessed with my DD's schedule. I should get him to read the posts here because I am glad i have comrades

[jenniewren]

I so wish I had found this thread when my lo was 7 weeks old! I became so anxious about short naps etc when he started having them at 7 weeks I came close to getting depressed - panic & tears when he woke early. I had had a difficult & traumatic birth which was completely unexpected for me & a big shock - I thought I'd have a normal natural birth as I'd had a totally straightforward healthy pregnancy and had exercised, done lots of reading etc etc, so that was probably a contributing factor as well. I was pretty detached in the early weeks.

It got to the point where I wasn't enjoying my lo at all, which was ridiculous as he is a happy easy baby, a delight! I'd also wanted children for years and got married late, so I've waited a long time for him. It was my mum & HV who said 'throw the books aways & go with the flow' which saved me from going mad I think. Which is what I did & we found a natural routine which actually is pretty similar to EASY. As for the short naps, I stopped trying to extend them as he was quite happy as long as he had 4 or 5 a day, & it meant the time he was asleep was my time, not me desperately trying to keep him asleep! Then one day I was on the phone when he woke at the 45 minute mark and I didn't get him immediately - and he fell asleep again!! So I started leaving him & he began to extend his own naps. Now at 17 weeks he doesn't usually even wake up.

I love the principles and techniques of the baby whisperer & how they've worked for my lo - he is secure and happy. But I guess it shouldn't be something that controls everyday life, it should a tool for a happy baby...

That feels good to get off my chest.

Jen

[Sydney]

Gosh, glad I found this thread...

I have literally been having anxiety attacks re: dd's sleep. She is 8 weeks today and she has been very erratic with her sleep habits and is so unpredictable and I THRIVE, THRIVE, THRIVE on predicatability.  So,when she wakes early/starts crying I almost feel nauseous at times wanting to just open the front door and leave the house

I know I am a bit too obsessed, and I try so hard to take it day by day but as you ladies know that can be very hard when you are so entrenched in EASY.  I agree re: husbands - they don't get it like we do.  DH is on board, but is much more laid back then I am about it which makes me feel like all the weight is on me to get sleep on track.  I am also fretting as I have to go back to work soon (10 hour days - ugh) and feel like I don't know how I will cope unless I get dd's sleep in order. She has been a nightmare from 7-10 pm EVERY NIGHT - just don't get it when she has great naps - not being able to figure this out just DRIVES ME MORE INSANE.

Anyway, so glad I am not the only one.  Just wish I could find it in me to not be so uptight.  DD1 took to EASY within a few weeks and although we had issues here and there, they are nothing like I am having with DD2.

Hugs to all.

[koe2moe]

Hi All

Not sure if I'm too late to add to this thread.  I'm also not sure if mine is obsession.  Just that DS' always difficult to nap.  (I can dig out the daily records to tell u if anyone's got the time).  I was exclusively pumping and those who did or do will know how little time I had for anything, even rests.  If DS didn't take his nap, then I would have problems with engorgement, etc.  Exhausted, discomfort, pain and backpain, emotions... all that didn't help.  Though I tried to follow DS's cues, he still only took short naps, etc. 

Then I lost my father 3.5 months ago and just last week, I lost my grandma.  Whoops this seems to have gone off track. 

What I mean is that perhaps it's all these factors that got me to stick with the time.  I long to some rest which I'm still not getting because of the EWs and short naps.  I'm reading all these posts and then thought, oh I perhaps need to extend A time for the EWs.  Got it one day and then boom back to square one. 

I turned down almost all social activities because I'm just plain exhausted, and worried if DS didn't get rests, I would get even less.  I kept asking myself and my DH if I was over anxious?  DH always reassures me that I'm doing ok.  But the times when we did get out, we always had a great time.  Not that DS could sleep afterwards, just that we needed the break.  Perhaps DS always wanted a break from just being with mommy and daddy all day.

A lot of the "problems" I picked up from reading the posts here is to do with matters of minutes, like increase A time by 10-15 mins, then I started really recording to the exact min. 

I envy those moms who are so laid back and bring their babies everywhere they go.  My body is still aching and so I'm limited in bringing baby out.  Like the carseat, diaper bag, water, bottles, etc... I want to become physically stronger to keep up with LO, but it's a vicious circle of having no time to go to physio or exercise.  How to strike the balance??

I sometimes get a bit stressed out, annoyed even, when DS wakes early from nap.  We can't just leave DS to cry and not attend to him.  I feel that DS is also not getting the sleep he needs, so I'm just trying and trying so hard to "tweak" the routine.  He's suffering as a consequence of mine failure.  I fail to read his cues. 

I'm sorry this turns to venting.  I'm still hoping to get some responses at EASY forum.  Posted more than 24 hours ago and still none.  DS woke at 5:30 again.  It's been for 10 weeks almost. 

I won't be giving up, it's not even an option, just not sure how to move forward.  I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  DS just fell asleep for his first nap after only 2hr 15mins.  I might get a "that's too short A time for 8.5 mo" comment.  But he was yawning, rubbing eyes and yesterday I kept him up and when he showed tired cues it's 3.5hrs.  Then only catnap.  I'm tired...

If anyone's reading, sorry for this long one.

Koe

[*Liz*]

Koe - I just read this today. So sorry it took a long time to get any responses. It is very normal to feel low with all the things you have been dealing with. Obviously I post on your thread now and will be happy to help as best as I can.

Do try and look after yourself too though - especially if you are dealing with the loss of loved ones.

You are not a failure - you are a very loving and conscientious mummy who is doing her best for her little boy. Babies classically hide their cues at this age.

((hugs)) and look after yourself 

Sydney - it is very common for los to be unsettled in the early evening - it is a phase that will pass. i remember it very well with Jacob.

[sherry lynn]

Hi, I just wanted to introduce myself. I will be moderating this thread for a little while.

I can relate very closely to these posts. I was the same way when Lyle was little.

He's 22 months and I still keep a log.

I just wanted to offer *hugs* and to tell you it does get easier

Sherry

[Tweakster]

Sherry darling...I am holding you to that lol (the getting easier part...)

[sherry lynn]

Well, it seems like it gets easier   It might just be about a change in perspective   because we still have sleep issues here, but at least I only have to put him down for one nap, and then bedtime. So that is a lot easier.

We still have OT issues, but I do think that has gotten easier. He only slept 1h15m for his nap yesterday, and that sinking feeling came to my stomach, that the moms were talking about up there, and I said, you know what -We can handle this. He'll be ok. The knowledge came from last week when he only had a 25 min nap in the car for the whole day. And he made it through ok. He didn't have a million night wakings like he would of in the old days.