Obsessing around schedules

[stridey]

Cheers for the lovely comments. I hope it all goes well and I am sure DH and Katie will love it.....and you too.
Cheers
Stridey

[Ellison]

I am just getting my 7 week old on the EASY method and i am excited about it but here is my question

Usually my baby follows this routine

EAT
AWAKE
SLEEP
---but then his nap is short and he wakes long before the next EAT session so do i do an AWAKE session here?

Also we do the swaddling at night but i do not want to always use the swaddling to put him down so i have been doing one nap during the day swaddled and the others in a swing or in his crib with no swaddle.  Is this ok?

One more question - what if he only sleeps for 10 minutes for one of the naps - should i start over and try to get him down or just accept that we are in awake time and work towards the next nap window?

[Girl-from-mars]

Hi Ladies.. Well as you can see i am new to these forums and i have to say this thread is ME!!.. when i first had my DD Arielle i didnt have the book and i just followed her along with feeding awake and sleep etc and she was beautiful she has slept 10.30pm to 7am since about 8 weeks although she had a 4am feed in there too up to a point but she dropped both the 1 and 4 am feeds all on her own .. i just followed.. she has always been agreat day napper as well.  Well when arielle was about 12 weeks i was given this book and i read it and thought WOW arielle is doing just this book and i didnt even know it.. put the book down and plodded along and then in the last month i have become OBSESSED.. with routine and following the times in the book.. and you know what i have done i have created an OVERTIRED MONSTER because i STOPPED watching HER and started obsessing over the clock.  Arielle has always been the best morning napper and you know why because in the morning when IM not totally functioning i DO watch her cues.. well today i didnt and decided to push the A time to a little longer.. well guess what i did i then had a bub who only slept 40mins and drove mummy to dispair cause she didnt want to go back to sleep.. and that normally 1.5 - 2hr nap she normally has is MUMMY time.. the time i relax eat breaky, shower, and potter well that went out the window.. I have now told my husband he is to HIDE the book.. and im back to watching my daughter instead of a clock.. the only time i will look at the clock is to know she hasnt gone more than 4hrs without a feed cause i KNOW that makes her worse.

Its been great reading this thread and knowing im NOT alone in this.

Kath

[Ellison]

i have been obsessing about schedules and i think i am missing fun time with my baby.  He was cooing and smiling today and I barely noticed because i was going over his charts for the past couple of days trying to negotiate with myself how to get him to sleep longer at night - i almost missed the reason i am home - to spend time with him.

Sometimes he sleeps 3 hours for his naps and sometimes it is 30 minutes - but after 30 minutes if he is awake and cooing and wanting to be held shouldn't i do it instead of trying to get him to go back to sleep?

I think i might just focus on feeding him at certain times and let the rest sort itself out - this BW plan totally helped me with seeing the tired cues better and I am going to follow those but I am tired of charting everything (i am an overly organized person and have a tendency to over do things like this)

The other great thing about BW is this website and the supportive women on here - no matter the question or concern there are people to help!

[Sami]

Thank you to all of you for your honesty and stories. I too have been worrying and obsessing about my baby and pretty much everything to do with him...I have driven my poor hubby crazy!! he tells me that I know my baby best and am doing great!and to stop worrying and enjoy him. i have gotten better in many ways...but i still continue to worry about his sleep mostly and where he will be if it's time for a nap and we are out somewhere...and if i should even go out at all!
i realize that these worries are crazy and i also worry about the short naps and what that will do to the rest of the day....
Reading your stories helps a lot!

[Regan's Mommy]

I'm new to Baby Whisperer and can't figure out how to post my questions.  But, I've reached this area, after reading about obsessing with schedules.  I'm encouraged by reading this portion, as I'm glad I'm not alone in the obsession.  I appreciate the comments to ligten up and keep some perspective.  I am new, just this week...so perhaps the obsession is really common in the initial implementation stage, as I think the book recommends paying attention to the clock...just to adjust and get some perspective on what a day might look like.  It can seem very overwhelming, however, to think that the "schedule" would be like this forever.  I like the books recommendation that you veer from a "schedule" on to a "routine".  That is encouraging.

I like the suggestion to read my daughter's clock rather than looking at the clock.  How do you apply this in regards to bedtime and wakeup time.  Her bedtime cues come up between 6:30 and 7:00 p.m. and she seems to wake at 6:40 every morning.  Will avoiding the clock get easier as I get into this more than a week?

I have other questions too, but need to figure out how to post them in the correct categories.  If any one has any help suggestions for posting, please let me know.  I feel silly, but can't seem to figure it out.

[Bryony]

Regan's mummy - welcome to the site - I am sure you will love it and find it really helpful - it's saved my sanity numerous times...!

In terms of watching the clock - it gets easier when you get into a routine although some people find they still have to clock-watch a bit if your LO's signs are not that predictable. How old is Regan?

Sounds like she is doing great with a bedtime and waking up time - they sound perfect!

In terms of doing a new post - you go to whatever section is relevant eg "naps" and there will be a tab at the bottom for "new topic" (or something similar - can't remember exactly what is says) and you click on that. You can then start a new thread. You might want to look at the relevant FAQs section for that section first though, in case your question has already been answered.

HTH!

Bryony

[Regan's Mommy]

Thank you so much for your message.  I appreciate your help with learning how to post.  I have so many questions and am relieved to be close to some answers.

My daughter, Regan, is 11 months old.   Her night time and wake time is great, but still not sleeping through the night.  Some troubles with naps too.  I'm carefully doing the PU/PD and that's helped tremendously.  It's been one week that she's not been feeding at night.  Still waking during the night, but no longer dependent on bfing.

So far, I'm having problems with getting her down during naps and the initial nighttime.  She wants to play and does everything in her crib other than lay down and go to sleep.  It usually takes 30 minutes of PD...mostly...hardly any PU.  I'll be posting some questions soon.

Thanks again!

Blessings,
Regan's mommy

[AmyRS]

Just popping in here to ask for some advice on how to handle the holidays!!

We are in the middle of transitioning LO from the 3hr EASY to 4hr EASY, and while things are going well I'm so worried about what is going to happen with Christmas coming up.  He will sleep in his car seat, but not for long periods of time.  We are going to relatives this weekend, and while only an hour away I'm nervous about throwing him off when things are already a little crazy with the transition.  He is angel/textbook but can be very touchy in crowded situations and is quite shy with other people.  The children on this side of the family are so hyper and it wears ME out, let alone him!!

I realise things aren't going to be perfect schedule-wise over the next few weeks, but how do I keep myself from obsessing over it?  I'm to the point where I'm wondering if we shouldn't go to Chrismtmas Eve service this year because it starts at 7PM!!!!!!!   

[Mum of girl, boy, boy]

I have read some of the replies here. Just coming back as my friend is struggling with her lo who is 7 months and caught this thread. I was completely obssessed by my kids routine. My little ones are 2 and 3 now.

After 6 weeks with dd1 I threatened to throw the book out of the window because I just felt like we couldn't do it. I gave up for two days only to find that things were worse very quickly. I got back to the book and gave it my all and my first one was sleeping through 2 weeks later so I was obviously thankful.

I then had my son 17 months after my daughter and decided that I might not bother with a routine this time. When he arrived I had a change of heart after some unbroken sleep realising that I couldn't give anything to anyone when I was so tired. I had a c-section so used the recovery time in the house to start the routine. I fixed my mind on a full nights sleep by 12 weeks and every time I wanted to cave in I urged myself to keep going. The good news was it worked. When I stuck to the routine I got sleep and happy kids and when I didn't it was even harder work.

There were many times that I wondered what obsessing about the routine was doing but every time I tried to get away from it things were worse. It was my support. My kids were better on it and I coped better. I had windows in the day where I could do jobs, take a break, cook for the kids which I would never have got if I hadn't protected / obsessed about it. I still get 2 hours off during the day and we all go to bed Sunday afternoon (because I obsessed about keeping my eldest napping!)

After a while my husband started to understand that by doing things to the routine we actually had more time to do other things. Kids were less demanding and more contained because they new there basic needs were going to be met.

I think when we are in it in the early days its very easy to get too caught up because it is all unknown and we obviously have no faith that it will work. This certainly made me more obsessed about it. Started reading more, stressing more how to get sleep when you haven't had much to.

Having had my second child I now realise why I was so caught up on it first time around. If D1 is slightly, hungry and tired she's not particually nice to be around. If she wakes early I could be in for a rough morning until she can catch back up at lunch time. With DS his limits are further. Takes a lot of him to cry or get upset. I always used to say DD was really easy but then that was because I stuck to her needs a lot of the time because it sometimes too stressful. DS was much easier and that's when I realised DD was actually really hard work.

Managing the obssession to get a perfect routine is very hard. Wondering how far you take it especially when most of the people around you are flying by the seat of there pants. It means that your in it on your own. You are the only one that can push yourself and disapline yourself, most husbands don't understand why your trying to do it. Some of the unhappiness for me was the lack of support and understand for why a routine is good. Establishing a routine for a baby is a very demanding process. Physically and emotionally tiring. It works for some parents not for others.

I just want to also raise one point for those that are breast feeding to. Have you ever wondered how the hormones make you feel. I believe for me that definately had a impact on how obsessed I would get with the routine. Since I've finish breast feeding I have noticed that I am a lot less anxious (except for a few day prior to my period). It did take a couple of months to settle down but I do think it made a big difference pre and post natal to how I viewed a lot of things.

Just some thoughts anyhow

[brandisky]

Oh Thank God!!  Finally, I heard someone else with two describe my day and validate that it's okay to not be able to stick with a routine all the time and that there is more to life!  A part of me has been telling myself that, but I wasn't really willing to hear it.  Now that I'm getting it from a "third party" it's sinking in.  Shwew.  Thank you tylersmommy. 

Michele-

I'm currently BWing my 2nd kiddo (I did BW with my 3 yo from birth) and I felt the exact same way the first time around. EASY ruled my life. I was a clock watcher and a total stickler about everything. When he was going through the short nap phase, I would literally burst into tears when I'd hear him awake and cooing after a 30 min nap. I don't think I enjoyed him as much as I could have, that's for sure. I was too busy obsessing and clock watching.

I've learned to let go a bit...in fact, this time around, I've really had no choice. #1 has places to be and #2 just has to go with the flow sometimes, even if it isn't ideal for her routine. We aim for 1 nap a day in the crib, the rest are usually in the car seat. It hasn't been a problem at all. There's a whole world out there for me and my 2 kiddos to explore, and I don't want any of us to miss out. My goal is to strike a balance between following EASY and living our lives, and I think we're doing okay.

Another thing to keep in mind...EASY is meant to be a routine, not a schedule. The difference is that a routine is flexible and adaptable, a schedule isn't. I keep one eye on the clock to make sure we aren't going too long between feeds or having too much A time, but I mainly go by her cues. We take it one EASY cycle at a time!

[MomofEllen]

Thanks for your post!  I am a total obsessor and perfectionist...my dd is 8 weeks old (first baby), and my husband and I just had a discussion during which he asked "are we never going to leave the house again?"  I worry a lot about whether or not what I'm doing is going to affect her (and us) in the long run.  It's like I can't enjoy her, but am just trying to survive and stick to this routine.  I really appreciate this discussion, and know I need to try to relax.

[sophiasmom]

It is great to be some place where I can relate to other moms who are going through this! I find myself repeating "Its a routine not a schedule" throughout the day. Somedays I just wish we were given an instruction manual with our lo as we left the hopspital. It would make things so much easier! 

[Raquelx]

Hi guys - can i gatecrash this posting cause i'm having real problems.  I think i have built a rod for my own back.  I was given the BW book as a present when i was pregnant and its worked like a treat until recently.  LO got out of routine over christmas (he just won't sleep anywhere but his cot for more than 30mins ish and with visiting family and relitives at chrimbo he had to sleep elsewhere).  I am constantly watching the clock and i too haven't been enjoying my DS as much as i should have.  I have just gone back to work and the problem i know have is that family who look after him whilst i'm away won't do what i want them to.  DS is one of those really touchy sleepers - if he goes to bed too early he will only sleep for 40/45mins and too late then 30mins.  i have tried watching his cues before but ended up putting him down a little early but he was wide awake 40mins later even though he was tired, yawning and rubbing his eyes prior to me putting him to bed - then other days he has seemed fine so i have tried to extend the activity time buy 5mins and bang.... too long and we have a 30 min nap. It seems if i miss his nap time by minutes it ruined. 
I get so upset and in all honesty probably a bit depressed about it.  I am crying as i'm reading this cause its just hit me that i'm not enjoying him cause i am so obsessive of these bloody timings but the times i have tried not obsessing and reading his cues i still get it wrong.  i feel like a really bad mummy.

where is the comprimise here or should i just try to change his whole routine to suit me/others?  I just worry cause if he doesn't have a good sleep in the day he is up alot at night and that is a fact that DH agrees with.  I also try not to get him to sleep after 4 o'clock cause its hard to get him to bed at 7, my mother and MIL think i am wrong to do this and if he is tired to let him sleep.  I just don't know what to do for the best.  Its taken 6 weeks to get his routine back on any kind of track and he has just started to sleep for an hour and 15mins so am desperate not bugger this up but know i can't go on like this.

any ideas?

sorry about this being a long posting - i really need to vent.....

[mlivesay]

Thanks for posting this, I feel the exact same way. If you have a type A personality its hard not to get down on yourself for not succeeding at EASY all the time (or even most of the time), and I know I tend to lose sight of the important things like whether my child is happy and healthy, and did he have fun with me today, instead worrying over how the night's sleep with go and what time the next nap should be, and building in time for pre-nap PUPD. argh.  We all have to let go and enjoy this time, it will go so fast.  Its hard for us all. thanks again.