1 yr old crying before naps, chronic short napper and early waking. Please Help

[laura034]

Hi all my son Ethan is 53 weeks old and things have gone wrong, he has always been a short napper starting at 2 months old at 45mins then dropping to 30mins and for the last 2 months are down to 20-25mins long. He jolts a lot in his sleep and when watching him I see at the 20min mark he throws his arms in the air and then makes himself jump and then is so shocked he can't resettle. To tackle the short naps we have tried W2S, HTTJ, leaving to cry for 10-15mins, resettling, going to 2 naps less A time and more A time the only thing that has had some success is rocking him to sleep in the push chair and then rocking him at 20 and 30 minuites, but then he woke at 45min to live with the short naps we have been giving him 3 short naps, and that was working quite well. He was quite happy, but for the last week he has been screaming before his naps for upto 20mins. I find it so hard and feel so upset by his crying and when it is only followed by a 20min nap its just not worth it. On the plus side he sleeps great at night for 11hrs although this is sometimes less on bad nap days. Ethan is also an early waker if I put him down early so I have been keeping him up until 7pm so we get a 6am wake up. My main questions are if I drop to 2 naps and they are both 20 mins I struggle to keep him up until after 6.30 and then we get 5.30am wake up and what could be causing the crying before naps he used to just chat himself to sleep. Ethan self soothes to sleep with no props. Our routine for the last month has been
Wake 6 am
Nap 8.30 (25 mins)
Nap 12.00 (30 mins)
Nap 3.30 (20mins)
Bed 7pm

Thanks for your help laura

[momtonb&ab]

oh laura - it sounds like things are rough for you!

i am looking at your routine and thinking that your LO's A time is very short - usually by 12 months LOs can do closer to 4 or even 4.5 hours of A time, sometimes more than that still.

so for example, a day would look a bit like this

wake 6am
nap  10 am (for about an hour)
nap 3 for about an hour
bed between 6 and 6:30

it could be that the short naps are a direct result of him being under tired.

have you tried extending those A times? 

as for the crying before sleeping, i think probably the crrying he was left to do during the short naps has broken a bond of trust with him and now he is crying because you are leaving him.  (if you are familiar with the bw techniques, Tracy (and this site) didn't advocate ever leaving a little one to cry because of just that) .  the good news here is that the trust can be rebuilt with wiwo (assuming you are familiar with this technique, there is lots of info on the site here for you about it). 

how is the nighttime sleep?  does he sleep through?

you have come to the right place, i think you will find lots of moms here willing to help you!!

[laura034]

Thanks so much for replying to me. I have tried longer wake times, but only up to 3.5hrs that is when we dropped to 2 naps and when we started going from 30min naps down to 20mins so I went back to shrorter A times because I know its just 10mins difference, but 20min naps followed by a grumpy baby are so hard to deal with. Yesterday went quite good he went down with no crying after a 3hr.15min A time he only slept 20mins, but at least he was happy, then after that he slept in his pushchair after 3hr 45mins A time I rocked him at 20, 30 and 45min (he woke briefly after 30mins but was asleep within a minuite) and slept for 1hr in total. He was in bed at 6.30 and still slept until 6am! My plan is to keep the afternoon nap in the pushchair while he gets used to transitioning through sleep cycles and having 2 naps hoping that eventually he will be able to do it himself in his cot oneday. Is this just wishful thinking? Thanks again Laura

[momtonb&ab]

I think still he is under tired.  A 20 min nap to me is indicative of under tired.  I can't help but wonder if he needs four plus hours activity time.  You may see tired signs at the earlier time because he is so used to napping early but if you distract him with interactive mommy time to get over the hump for 15-20 mins you migh see he can do a whole lot longer.   
He may have been grumpy after the twenty min nap because he went from ut to a catnap which wasn't helpful to awake when he needed to be having a very long nap iyswim?   It would take a few days to see a marked improvement in the sleep patterns as you lengthen a time.

Have you been aiming for a 12 hour day and a 12 hour night?   We found ( and still find) that that works best for our los

[laura034]

I do see what you mean. I will keep extending that morning awake time he does seem to go through tired stages. After 2 hours A time this morning he was yawning and rubbing his eyes, but then he came round and was happy for another hour and 15mins then slept for 30mins so that was a bit better. I would love a 12hr night, but it is usually 10.5 - 11.5 which I can't complain about as that is with no awakenings most of the time. I really apreciate you taking the time to help me. Thanks Laura

[laura034]

Hi. Well for the last few days we have been extending the A times and our new routine is now
Wake 6am
Nap 9.30 (20min- 1hr mostly 30mins)
Next nap in pushchair after 3.5hr A time with rocking after 30min to extend sometimes works sometimes doesn't.
Bed 7pm or earlier on days with short naps.

My question is should I extend the A times further? and has anyone else had a chronic short napper?, did it get better. I feel quite frustrated Ethan has only slept 50mins altogether today and has been so grumpy and on the days he sleeps well he is just a different baby. Sorry to moan I just thought he would be having longer naps  now I dropped down to 2 naps. Thanks Laura

[momtonb&ab]

how are the nights?

i think you could extend a bit more personally.  wake at 6 am, nap at 10 for an hour, then see how he does if he can do another 4 hour A time or if it shoudl be just 3.5 hours.   

[laura034]

The nights are perfect 11hrs straight through

[laura034]

Hi. This is whats been happening for the last few days. We have extended that first A time up to 4hrs which he has handled quite well and still we have been getting 25-30min nap I am still APOP a afternoon in the pushchair and am managing on most days to get it upto 1hr long. Yesterday we were out at the seaside for the day he slept 30mins on the way there and after 5hrs A time he slept in the car on the way home for still only 30mins the car never stopped moving and he woke upset still clearly tired. I think it must be a sleep cycle issue but I just don't know what to do about it. I'm dreading going to 1 nap as I think he will really struggle with only 30min nap a day. The nights thankfully are still great 11.45hrs today and no crying before naps lately. Thanks for your help Laura

[babybarr]

It sounds like the pushchair may be the issue now?  He wakes at the 20min mark (that's after the deepest sleep) and is expecting to be rocked back to sleep.  How does he go to sleep at night - is that in his bed without assistance, if so we know he can do it!!

What I did with my bad napper was to fix nap times at this age, (give or take 10mins or so) and I did this for a week and lo and behold my bad napper disappeared!  So I think we did
wake 6am
nap 9.30am (1-1.5hrs, it was bliss finally!!)
nap 2-2.30pm  depending on am nap (I think)
bed 6.30pm
 

[momtonb&ab]

i tend to agree with Laura, it is almost as though the catch here is that he wakes and is waiting ot be rocked back to sleep.....does he go down independently at night?

[laura034]

Hi thanks for your reply I don't think the pushchair can be the problem as i have only started doing that to combat OT in the last 2 weeks he has been short napping since about 2 months old and he still has his morning nap in his cot. He goes to sleep at night and for his morning nap with no props I just lay him down and leave the room. I haven't tried set naptimes as he has a wide range in wake times anytime between 5.30 and 7am so I usually count about 3.5hrs frome wake time. I like your routine, after a year of short naps 1.5hrs would be so nice I could actually have a clean house again or have a shower that lasts longer than 2 minutes. Thanks again Laura

[babybarr]

Given he can do independent sleep I would stop doing the pushchair now before it does become an issue

Try my routine (regardless of wake up time we did it - as I was going crazy trying to follow A times esp. as I work 4 days a week) and it's always worth giving wiwo a shot if he short naps.  We also did this when DS went to one nap and it seemed to help.  Just remember if you get a short am nap to bring the second nap forward a bit if that's still a short nap bring bedtime forward too.  Give a try - you've got nothing to lose right?

[laura034]

Hi, yesterday was a tough one we decided to set nap times at around 10.15am and 2.15 and both were 25mins long and he woke screaming his head off I just wish I knew what causes this he calmed down after a while but wouldn't go back to sleep. he did cope quite well with the short naps, but I know from experience that it seems to add up over a few days before he starts to get really grumpy from it. Is there anything else I can try. Has anyone else experienced this. Thanks Laura

[babybarr]

Did you try wiwo when he woke early?  I think this will be the key - this is to help him go back to sleep independently but you will need to commit to it for at least 3-5 days.  Also after a 25min morn nap you'd need to bring that second nap forward a bit too.

If he's waking at 6am I would maybe set that first nap earlier and consequently the second one too.