PLEASE HELP 20 mo screaming at bedtime, wont go in cot

[*foxy*]

Hi

We've been having bedtime issues for as long as I can remember but this is something else. DD is 20 mo and its taking 2 hours for her to go to sleep at bedtime. She screams until she chokes when I put her in her cot, Ive tried for the last 1 hour 30 to get her to go to sleep in her cot but she just goes mad. I ended up cuddling her until she was asleep in my arms and then I put her in her cot, she rolled over and started screaming again.

We've been away at the weekend with family who she knows well. Since Monday she's had bad SA and bedtimes have been the above nightmare ever since we got back. We had one no nap day a week ago. The last 2 nights she's had about 9 hours sleep. Naps have been 1 hour to 1 hour 30

She's still screaming now......................................Please help, this is horrible 

[*Becky*]

what does her routine look like?
is she teething at all?
hugs xx

[*foxy*]

The last few days has been

Wake 5.30
nap 12-1.30 (ish)
BT tried for 6.30 but she's not asleep before 8.30

Her molars keep grumbling but she's having pain meds before and it makes no difference.

Last night DP took over after 2 hours of me trying, she just screamed and screamed when I tried to lie her back down or wouldn't pick her up. She just seemed to hate her cot. She'd settle a few times with me practically in the cot with her and almost go but then would roll over and start crying again and reaching for me to pick her up. DP put her on the bed in her room and she cuddled up to him and she fell asleep within 2 minutes. He waited 10 mins then scooped her up and put her in her cot, she didn't wake until 5am. Thankfully she fell back to sleep after 30 mins until 6.30.

She's had around 9 hour nights for the last 3 nights!!! I don't know what the problem is with her cot, nothing has changed

[*Becky*]

yes so sounds like OT for sure. If she is up at 5.30am then really her nap at 12pm is quite late. Could you do 11/11.30am instead? If she did 11.30-1pm then bedtime could be 6pm ideally and it would help her to catch up.

OT can cause this kind of behaviour and if she is also going through SA then that does not help.

I forget - have you been doing a GW approach? Do you stay in her room at sleeptimes?

[*foxy*]

Hi thankyou for your post.

She was up at 6.30 today so DP is putting her down now (12).

We've tried for early BT's but its just not happening, its taking her 2 hours or more to go to sleep, we can't put her down at 4pm can we?

We've also tried GW but she headbutts the cot sides until she gets our attention, she gets very very worked up even if we stay in the room with her (with no contact) We tried for 2 months with some success but we hadn't managed to leave the room. Then her molars started coming through and she was a mess.

Currently just trying to get her in her cot is a challenge in its self, I can't imagine starting GW again in the state she's in when I put her down. She screamed for 20 minutes last night, I was there trying to calm her down but nothing worked, she just cried it out. 2 hours later I was still trying to get her to sleep.
She's now crying as DP is putting her down for her nap which never happens, she's usually really good for nap times. I guess this OT too. Should we stick to a 1.5 hour nap?

I was going to try for a 6.30/7pm BT tonight but the last 3 nights she's not been asleep before 8.30.

[Kay Dee]

I hate to say it but this all sounds very familiar to me. It's just like the issues we were having with DD when we needed to drop the nap at 18months. I totally agree that a longer/earlier nap is the first thing to try to get her over her OT. BUT if that doesn't work then I do wonder if it needs to go... this has been going on so long now it's about the only thing you haven't tried! I think it might be something to consider at this stage  

Fingers crossed the earlier nap will work

x

[*foxy*]

Hi KayDee

Things went so well for a week! She napped from 12.20-1.45 today and woke on her own, seems in good spirits. So do you think the best course of action is try to catch her up and then if we're still having problems start shortening her nap?

This whole mess started on Wednesday night after she was at the childminders (who nearly rang me at work because DD was so upset and clingy in the morning, when I dropped her off she was fine so I'm not sure what happened) where she had a 1 hour 40 min nap and was apparently much happier afterwards. Tuesday night was brilliant with her sttn 7.30-6.30 after a 1.5 hour nap. How does it go so horribly wrong so quickly

[Kay Dee]

Definitely go the catch up route first. Hopefully I'm wrong and you can keep a longer nap!!

Is she settling okay at nap time? Do you think she could be ill at all? Remind me what routine you were doing that week when it was all going well, was there anything different?

x

[*foxy*]

We were doing:

WU 6.30
Nap 12.30-1.45
BT 7.30

We then went away for the weekend and she would normally nap in the car on the way there but she just wouldn't so we had a no nap day (a week ago Friday) BT that night was 6.45pm. The next few days after that were back to her usual routine although we were getting a WU of 5.45am whilst away with one or two NW's.

The day we were due to leave (monday) she suddenly became super clingy and has only just started to get better today but bedtimes have been awful since Wednesday.

Nap times are good, she settles well. She doesnt seem to be ill atm, she's great in the day.

[clairebear79]

I have to say I was thinking the same as KayDee. 

A long nap led to a short night & then a build up of OT.  Are you still having to start BT routine an hour before you want her asleep given its taking so long?  I just wonder if you are shooting for a 5hr A after a 1.5hr nap & therefore starting the BT routine after just 4hrs A if she simply isn't tired enough to go to bed so she is getting herself worked up into a right state & so taking even longer than usual to settle to sleep. 

Try the longer/earlier nap first to rule out OT though I would be a little wary of pulling the nap as early as 11.30am since you already spent several weeks pushing it back to 12.30/1pm.  If still no joy I think the nap needs to go shorter.    Perhaps trim to 1hr.  I'd probably try cutting it back 15mins at a time until its 30mins before scrapping it altogether as she is still quite a young age to drop the nap completely.

If it helps I've also found 5hrs A to BT doesn't seem to be enough after a 1.5hr nap with my DS any more.  He's been doing 6hr A / 1.5hr nap / 5.25-5.5hr A.  Nights are 10.5-11hrs so we are struggling to hold a consistent routine really.  Only got back from honeymoon yest & he only napped 30mins on way home so he's shattered today & had almost 2hr nap.  And he's a grumpy pants tonight so I'm sure we'll be in for an EW tomorrow.  Oh the joy!xx

[Kay Dee]

Welcome back Claire! Hope you had a fab time x

[*foxy*]

Yes welcome back Claire. Hope the honeymoon was lovely and you had a fab big day.

We are currently doing bath 6.30-6.40/45. Then into her room to do pyjamas, sleeping bag etc. Night night to everyone. Milk, stories and teeth until 7pm then into her cot for what used to be asleep for 7.30pm. DP is  trying tonight, its the first night since we got back on Monday that DD hasnt screamed blue murder when I said goodnight, I've always had to take over as she was getting herself so worked up. It's sounding better than previous nights so far so we'll see how long it takes.

So say she wakes at 6.30 tomorrow. Should we still do a nap from 12.15-1.45? And BT 7.30 (hopefully)?

[*foxy*]

BT tonight was much better. It took an hour rather than 2 hours, no headbutting and there was much much less crying and she fell asleep in her cot!

[*Becky*]

oh good - so what was different? Ws it DP putting her down??

[*foxy*]

Yes I think DP putting her down helped. She was up at 5am today though and kind of snoozed until 6.30.

Nap was 12.15-1.45 and she was asleep at 7.30 which is much better than it has been for the previous 4 nights. I did it too, she cried a lot when I put her in her cot but I settled her in my arms then popped her back fully awake and she was ok. Needed my help though but I'm just glad she fell asleep in her cot and it didn't take 2 hours!

Bex (from my old post) that sounds sensible trying to stick to set A times. Yes I think she's definitely OT at BT, it seems to be improving slowly. We used to do am A time 6 hours and pm A time 5.75 hours so maybe pushing out her am A time by 15 mins and shortening the pm A time by 15 mins might be something to try?