PLEASE HELP 20 mo screaming at bedtime, wont go in cot

[Kay Dee]

Great! Well done

So what nap is she having now?

[*foxy*]

Today she had 1pm-2.10pm. I was going to cut it to 1 hour tomorrow if we have another good night as I really don't think she needs much in the day if shes having a restful night. If BT could be similar to nap time I'd be SO happy!

[Kay Dee]

Good plan. Best of luck for bedtime

[*foxy*]

Well I think she must have been UT at BT because she sat and played and re-arranged her toys for about 15 mins. Eventually lay down without me asking and I was feeling quite hopeful. I have been sitting down right next to her cot but tonight I sat about 2 metres away.

She started getting upset and I tried just using my voice to calm her but it didn't work and she was getting more upset so I moved next to her cot and pit my hand on her leg. She immediately calmed down and I broke contact. I had to do that 3 or 4 times. She just wouldn't settle. She did fall asleep on her own but it wasn't the progress I was hoping for as it took a long time and she needed my help.

She was up at 6.30 (sttn)
Nap 1-2.10 (was really good, woke on her own)
Asleep 7.45 (took ages)

Yesterday:
Woke 6am (NW 12.15, co-slept)
Nap 12.50-2.15 (I woke her)
BT 7.35 (did pretty well and seemed to settle better)

I think I'll try a 1 hour nap tomorrow and see if that helps her to settle more quickly.

[*foxy*]

She didn't sttn BUT when she did wake (12.15) she wasn't expecting to go on the bed and I was able to get her back to sleep in her cot quite quickly which is amazing in its self as for weeks and weeks we've been co-sleeping when she's woken at night.

WU was 5.50am unfortunately, I managed to keep her lying down until 6.30am.

Should I still do a 1 hour nap and maybe try to bring BT forward a bit?

[Kay Dee]

Okay, that bedtime does look UT to me and possibly after she STTN her nap should have been shorter the next day. It's all trial and error but you're definitely so close now

See how she is today, it might not be the best day to cut if she's tired from last night. But, as you say, if you do go for it bring bedtime forward to compensate. It depends if you want to just go for it and ride out any OT or if you want to take things more slowly.

Don't worry about going a bit backwards with the GW. If she's UT then there's not much you can do. I am totally confident that once her routine is on track that she'll be settling independently in no time.

K x

[*foxy*]

Thanks, yeah I agree. I think I'm just going to go for it as I think looking back she's been having 1 hour 15 min naps for a while and we weren't going anywhere with BT or nighttime. She seems to struggle more at BT when shes UT. I'll bring BT forward if shes looking particularly tired later. Fingers crossed it won't backfire on me!

[cath~]

Hi foxy
I agree with Kay Dee - def think trouble at BT was UT and that once you have routine sorted you'll be fine. You are making fab progress. It's tricky juggling it all though isn't it?!
Now L is sleeping better at night we also have to work on her routine a bit. I've been letting her nap longer to compensate for few EWs recently but think that is reinforcing the EW so have to rein that in now..

Oops - posted same time as you. Sounds like good plan to me. Hope goes well

[*foxy*]

She's gone to sleep for her nap in about 30 seconds (that must be some kind of record!) yesterday it took about 15 minutes and I had to tell her to go to sleep, I should've read the signs better and cut her nap yesterday. Maybe today isn't the day to cut her nap

[Kay Dee]

How has her form been this morning?

If you're feeling brave go for it! Worst that can happen is a grumpy afternoon and early bed x

[*foxy*]

She's been good actually. I'll go for it, this has been dragging on too long

Thankyou!

[Kay Dee]

Good luck!!

[*foxy*]

Hi

I did the 1 hour nap - 12.45-1.45. She was ok this afternoon, just wanted me more than DP and needed carrying around more than usual.

Um, I think it went ok tonight. Im hoping that Im doing the right things with her. We're past the stage of her wanting to hold my hand but not past the stage of her needing contact from me to go to sleep.

Once her lights are out I tell her that its sleep time and time to lie down and go to sleep. I'm met with her standing up, chatting at me, re-arranging her toys then getting upset because they are all over the cot, standing up again chatting etc etc. What I'm currently doing is sitting about 2 metres from her cot completely ignoring her unless she gets upset. When she does get upset I tell her that its ok and its time to go to sleep. Sometimes if I can see it escalating then I'll talk her through her day and then tell her again that its time to go to sleep (this seems to work quite well as she then lies down) but from then on I can predict exactly whats going to happen: She'll thrash around a lot and generally be very wriggly and then she'll start complaining and then the crying begins, she then sits up and there's more crying. I've found that talking to her makes things worse. So tonight I just sat there, knowing that she knew I was there and she was ok, she was just upset that she wasn't getting what she wanted.

The crying got worse so I decided to sing to her which worked quite well for about 5 minutes and then she started crying again and told me to stop singing (I don't think Im that bad at singing!?!) I didn't know what to do then as she was getting more tired and more upset and it was clear that she was struggling to settle herself. So I moved next to the cot and lightly stroked her leg which settled her immediately, I broke contact once she seemed calm, I did that twice and she was asleep (7.25pm)

Is that ok? I think we're making progess, its just not as quickly as I'd hoped but then again she's never been an independent sleeper and this is all very new to her so am I expecting too much from her too soon or am I not being tough enough? (I know I'm a softy)

[cath~]

Hi foxy,
Yes, I think you're doing the right thing as she's not slept independently before.

 One thing I learnt though was not to be scared to push things a bit more. If you think she's getting too upset you can always go back to where you were before.

L actually settled better with me further away (now on her own) because I found that me being with her was a distraction and encouraged her to play/fuss more.

Also, I kind of thought of GW as a static process in that I would be able to settle her from increasingly further distances away without going back to her but actually I found it worked better if I moved away but then went back to her if needed and then moved away again. Eg you could do what you're doing now but sit a bit further than 2m from her cot and go back to her briefly if needed. Eventually you'll get to the point where you'll be outside her door and then going back to her briefly if needed.

Also, I tried to remember that it was fairest to L to try and do the whole process as fast as possible and not to drag it out longer than needed - so I tried to push things as much as I dared each night.

HTH and well done so far!

[*foxy*]

Thanks cathn, that makes sense to move further away but go back to her if she needs. Did your dd eventually not need the contact from you?

I'll definitely sit further away tomorrow night and like tonight only go to her if I need to. Her room isn't very big so I can get to the door pretty quickly.

Did you go to your DD when she started crying or only when she was very upset? And did you just briefly make contact to calm her and then move back to where you were?

Am I doing the right thing by ignoring her when she's chatting at me and only responding if she's getting upset?