Gentle Weaning Plan

[DakotasMama]

Hi Betsy,
I know this sort of question is normally posted on another board but I saw that you have a little one that is just a bit older than mine so thought you may have the answer.  Do you pu/pd or just patt/ssh?  I have been doing both but after about the 50th pu/pd, I end of holding one leg so she doesn't roll and just patt/shh.  Do you think that is ok?  She seems to get angry (of course as she can't really move)  but she just seems to be so overstimulated since she started crawling and standing up that she even has trouble "slowing down" in her crib.  I'm wondering if I should just let her continue to stand up on her own and than lay her down everytime and not pick her up out of the crib at all.  What do you think?  Any words of wisdom?  My husband wants to let her CIO and is skeptical of this whole procedure so I am praying this works or I don't know what else to do.  He is currently helping me with this as he knows how I feel about CIO so fingers crossed she learns quickly!  Thanks for your time.
Sherri-Lee
Dakota's Mom

[BetsyAnh]

i can't do pu/pd because at the moment i live with my inlaws :evil:  :evil:  and they can't seem to understand that babies DO cry and to let me be to sort out her night wakings! they come in and think something's 'terribly wrong' (after, say, 2 min of crying...) and then whisk her away and i can't really say much otherwise there will be a big fight, and they NEVER apologise... i'm moving to panama (thank god) at the end of the month, and will implement a combo of pu/pd, pat/shh & 'pantleys way' once i'm settled-- back to your question-- i do pat/shh and gently but firmly hold my lo's leg so she doesn't roll to her stomach (cuz then she crawls and algthough her mind wants to sleep, her body just won't listen! :shock: ) but do allow her to roll from side to side. tell me exactly what you're doing when you put her down, and for the wakings and i think we'll try and figure out a reason these methods seem to be taking too long to work for you and you LO-- i'm sure we can find a way out of CIO- and it's very good that your DH is helping you- it should make things much easier and faster for you! mine is out of the country AGAIN(.. for the last time finally!! he's setting up for us to join him) so he can't help... so tired! now it's teeth and bad cough so i'm DEFINATELY back at square one! sorry it took so long to reply to your email, been really busy.  good luck!

[DakotasMama]

Hi again,
Sorry to hear that it has been tough for you but I'm sure you are looking forward to the end of the month.  Things are going much better and my husband is being incredibly supportive, he thinks this is working!!  He feels it is like CIO only with us in the room reasurring and I have to agree.  Well, I'm not doing pu at all anymore just patt/shh and keeping her from rolling.  When I put her down during the day she wants to explore her crib so I have been letting her and sometimes even leaving the room until she gives me a shout to come back in and than we start the process.  Normally about 15 minutes of crying and she is asleep.  Do you think it is ok to let them play for a bit first?  I want her to know that her crib is a safe place so that is why I have been letting her.  She is getting up ALOT at night but I think that is a result of her teething that I think she is finally over.  But she is still up every hour, maybe out of habit.  I am doing Pantleys Removal hoping she will fall out of this habit soon.  Before naps, she rubs her eyes, we do our bum change, sometimes massage or a cuddle, and than we go to her room, read a book if she doesn't push it away and walk around a few times singing.  Than we turn her fish mobile on and put her in her crib with her angel teddy.  She instantly stands up to explore so I let her for about 10 mins and than she cries for about 15 mins (sometimes more) until she settles.  Thats about it.  What do you think?  Well, Thanks for your time and hoping your little one is feeling better with the teeth and cough.  Have a great weekend!
Sherri-Lee

[BetsyAnh]

Sherrie-Lee- i think that letting your lo explore n play is the best thing, because eventually she will do that to 'wind down' and self sooth her own way into sleep-- i think that if you keep it up, the crying time will lessen, and you can (refreing to my very first post) move on to later phases involving you on the side of her cot w'/no physical contact to you comforting just outside her room, to the door, to.. no more!! there is light at the end of the tunnel! as long as you are consistent, you will see progress, and hopefully sooner than you think! this leads me to another point, let me know what you think about it (btw, i apologise if you have mentioned previously, but  how old is you lo and how often if she waking?) : if you aren't having to do very many 'removals' at night, and you feel confident that you can be consistent for a week or so (less sleep for you, unfortunately) why don't you continue with your pat/shh method through the evening as well? i think you will find results much faster (some mothers in my babygroup did not take theirs out of the cot and offered water from cup/bottle and have sleepless nights- however, they did it 'do or die' style... no matter how upset baby got, they kept them there- i don't think that is necessary tho) and also see progress in the day as well. what do you think?

as for me, FINALLY the separation thing has passed, and i must say, that it has been THE BIIIGEST hurdle yet (as far as nights are concerned atleast!) and with the flu gone and the cough starting to subside, my lo, after several weeks, is AT LAST letting me comfort her w/out picking her up (only sometimes, but it's a start..again!) and she really seems more eager to settle herself, so hopefully i too will be waking less at night as well-- that is, until we go on a 9hour plane to miami next month then to panama and jetlag and who knows what else foils my plans again!! :roll:  it's ok tho, im TOOO excited!

sweet dreams everyone and good luck!
btw- is sandra, jennifer or frosty still around?

happy holidays to all, and to all a good night :shock:  :shock:

[DakotasMama]

Hi Betsy!
Glad to hear things are going well again with Sienna and you are getting more rest!  Thanks again for getting back to me, I really appreciate the support and awesome Mommy advice.  Well, Dakota is 9 months old.  She goes to bed at 8, wakes at 11:30, 1:30, 3:30, 5:30 and than up for the day at about 7.  That was our last night anyway, the night before was every hour after 1:30.  I was slipping and not being consistent enough with Pantley's Removal so I woke my butt up last night and she did much better.  I am nursing her at night and in the morning but the rest of the day (3 feedings) she is on soy formula.  I just started reading NO cry Sleep solution and reread the removal part again so am hoping to go to Phase 2 quickly but do you think I should do Phase 1 for a little bit first?  Oh, my little one is up, tell me what you think, and thanks again for all your advice and support.
Happing Sleeping,
Sherri-Lee

[BetsyAnh]

not a prob- ya know, we have, like, the same waking schedules! some nights are better (and worse) than others, as you probably know, but i think you should do whatever is least stessful for both of you and if sticking to the phases (doin 1 for a while..) is what seems right for the moment, then stick to it and let me know how it goes. where are you writing from? have you had to deal w/ the separation anxiery thing yet? good luck and sweet dreams!

[DakotasMama]

Hey there,
Well, I can't believe our little ones have the same schedule!  It's almost funny!  I am from Eastern Canada, a little island called PEI.  I keep meaning to put up Dakota's pic and all that info but all my pics are too big so the website won't except them.  Seperation anxiety, hmm, well to be honest not sure if we've been there or not because I did the whole CIO thing with her for about 3 weeks and than one day I had "enough" of listening to everyone else and stopped letting her CIO.  So, after all that she was more clingy at night but heh, I would be too if someone left me alone to CIO.  That is by far the worst mistake I made and everyone I talk to still say CIO is the only way they will ever sleep.  I even read a book on CIO, something close to Ferberizing, well anyone I don't want to have to go back to that ever.  PU/pd is hard enough sometimes as it feels like she is CIO.
So, have you ever tried subsituting water at night?  Someone just told me about that.  Last night felt long...she did the usual night but every time I would put her in her crib, she would have to resettle so it took even longer to get back to bed each time.  But she is doing really well and we are so proud of her.  Anyway, I am off to have a coffee as my husband is bathing Dakota.  Hope you had a good night last night.
Sherri-Lee

[joaquinsmom]

Hello ladies!!

Glad to come back and report that we have made some progress.
I took a week off from work to go to the beach with dh, ds and my parents and spent New Year's there. I took that as an opportunity to sort out ds's naps and bedtime and tackle the nursing to sleep thing.

I watched ds very carefully for signs of tiredness (I noticed he gets very whiny and clingy and nothing holds his attention for long, plus he scratches his face and head) and when they happened, I immediately took him to our room (dimmed the lights when possible), lay on the bed with him and sang and talked softly to him until he fell asleep. The first few times were pretty awful. He cried and clawed at my shirt because he wanted to nurse, but I just kept reassuring him and patting his back or rubbing his tummy whenever he would let me. Also if he wanted to roll around a little on the bed I let him, cause I noticed when I tried to hold him in one place he got really angry!

Surprisingly, it didn't take too long for it to get easier. By the fourth or fifth time we did it, he cried a LOT less and even started doing this mantra cry to soothe himself.

Another thing I did was I stayed in the room with him when he napped (just out of his sight so he wouldn't get used to me being next to him all the time) so that if he started waking up too quickly, I could go to him and pat/sh to get him to continue his nap.

Coming back home we had to make some adjustments (including having a talk with mom and IL's to ask them not to rock, walk, or feed ds to sleep). Now we're at the point where his naps are longer than they were before and at bedtime he falls asleep pretty easily on this rug on the floor and we are in the process of puting him in his crib more awake each time (less time on the rug).

I am really happy about this, but the one bad part is that all our sleep problems led me to wean ds a little sooner than I wished. I realized that the fact that pretty much every time ds saw me he wanted to be attached to my breast immediately was making me really upset and stressed. At nights when it would take like 20 removals to take him off I was becoming really upset and even resenting him a little  :oops:  I feel really bad even writing this but it's the truth. So in order not to confuse him and to save my sanity and stop feeling like the only reason ds loved me was because I was his food source (crazy, I know) I stopped bf. He was already doing it only early in the morning and at night, so it wasn't that hard.

I hope you all are doing great and getting better sleep and will keep you posted on our transition to the crib (keep your fingers crossed for us!)

[costinhas]

Hi ladies!

I know that I stoped writing but I didn't have any time :cry: !

Joana is sleeping very well now. She goes to bed between 19pm and 20pm and sleeps straight to 5am or 6am then bf and sleep agin until 8am or 9am.

She sometimes wakes around 2am or 3am but it's getting less frequently.

She changed her naps by herself now she just makes one 1h nap after lunch most of the days but I suppose it's because she has a better night sleep.

Somedays like yeasterday she naps for almost 3 hours! And still sleeps well at night!

I'm very pleased    with the results so I don't want to wean her down anymore.

I'll try to write more often!

Good night sleep to everyone!

PS: Your kids are lovely in your new avatar's!

[costinhas]

Hi ladies!

I know that I stoped writing but I didn't have any time :cry: !

Joana is sleeping very well now. She goes to bed between 19pm and 20pm and sleeps straight to 5am or 6am then bf and sleep agin until 8am or 9am.

She sometimes wakes around 2am or 3am but it's getting less frequently.

She changed her naps by herself now she just makes one 1h nap after lunch most of the days but I suppose it's because she has a better night sleep.

Somedays like yeasterday she naps for almost 3 hours! And still sleeps well at night!

I'm very pleased    with the results so I don't want to wean her down anymore.

I'll try to write more often!

Good night sleep to everyone!

PS: Your kids are lovely in your new avatar's!

[momofBrev]

I am new here, but my problems are very similar.  My son Brevin has just  turned 9 mo.  He was waking every night at 11 and 3, but only wanted to nurse at 3.  He goes to bed between 8 and 9 pm.  I have no problem getting him to bed, but recently, after waking at 11 and using pat/shh to clam him he is up every hour and a half or so especially between 1 and 5.  It seems he is just wanting me to hold his hand/comfort  he does not want to eat except at 3.  I am not sure weather to continue the 3 oclock feeds or if he is too old and should be sleeping through the night. Also I am wondering if I should go back to nursing at  the 11 wake up and see if it fixes the 1 to 5 thing, or is that a prop?  All I know is I have had it!  After calming him and getting back to my own bed, just as I am drifting off to sleep again he is crying, therefore I am getting no sleep!  I guess my actuall question is, is feeding him at 11 and 3 a prop or should I just go with it?
momofBrev

[Michaela]

Wow  :shock: ...... i don't feel so bad about my lo waking once at 2am.  Basically he's done it from day 1 and having brestfed until 5 months i did well in resisting him in feeding at the drop of a hat which paid off.  However, we have a pacifier which i know is detrimental of a night for him to go back off so i want rid.  We are classically 'accidental parenting' in putting the pacifier back in when he wakes. I've been removing it once he's asleep only i'm at the last hurdle and I really like the idea of this approach and found pu/pd as my last resort card but only if this continues.  Can i ask why don't you use the pu/pd technique? 

Keep going!

M

[Erin (redstarfalling)]

Just wondering if any of you posters are still around and still using this method and if so, with what sort of success?

[samuel'smom]

I've been trying the Pantley Gentle Removal technique for a while now but don't manage to stay awake for it some nights. My son still wakes about every 2 hours to nurse and I'm exhausted. Any suggestions?

[Erin (redstarfalling)]

I'm in the same boat, unfortunately! I try to stay awake most nights, but a couple of times I've woken up an hour later and she's still attached... :oops:  I know it's supposed to take a while, but it feels like I've been doing this forever, and instead of getting better, it's getting worse.  Last night she was waking every half hour - and that was in bed with me! :cry: