Night waking/feeding question

[albers30]

I wish that was a possibility but I can handle and can function well on very little sleep where as my husband can not. So it's worse for me to have a grumpy sleep deprived husband who can't function and help out during the day then to be up all night. His job is more demanding then mine also as he works longer hours caring for really sick hospital patients and has call where as my outpatient hours are shorter and the patients much less sick and complicated. He does help with the twins when he can when they get up at night to make a little less work for me. Besides I think consistency is really important for her right now to help her work thru this and I don't know how your men are but mine does whatever it takes to get her to sleep as quickly and quietly as that might be which will not help with bad sleep habits. I'll just keep working on the babysitter, her self settling at bedtime/nighttime, and tweaking her schedule to see if I can find something that works I guess. The only other question I guess I have then is with the walk in walk out how long and to what extent should I be letting the crying go after I walk out? This is nothing compared to the twins so I can keep plugging along.

[lily_layne]

There's no real time on how long before you go back in. it really depends on the LO. Do you know if there are tears when she cries?

[albers30]

Its pretty dark in her room so its hard to say for sure but generally it seems like just an angry cry with few if any tears. If theres no real time frame on checking on the crying then what makes the WIWO method that much different from the CIO method then?

[albers30]

Actually I really paid attention last night and initially there's no tears but as the crying episodes escalate over time by the end of the stretch there is tears. Lately it's been pretty consistent that as long as I'm very near her touching her constantly she's fine but if I try to back away she immediately starts screaming. If I stay with her til she's asleep she's back up again in an hour for the same thing if i do WIWO she cries when I leave settles when I return and carries on like this for hours if I don't give up and stay till she's fully asleep. She's been really good at putting herself to sleep at bedtime and nap time with minimal help from us so k don't know why nighttime is so hard. At least the two hour inconsolable crying fits have decreased and only occur if we let her get overtired or overstimulated now.

[lily_layne]

Did you ever have trouble getting her to sleep at BT and naps? If yes, what worked then? I'm thinking that might work at night.

WIWO is different from CIO because you are going back in to reassure her - not leaving her to cry until she gives up or crashes. What's the longest stretch of nights that you've tried WIWO?

[albers30]

The first several months were tough getting her to sleep but she responded well to bouncing, shushing, and patting which still works most of the time except for the occasional 2 hour stretches that I think are due to being way overtired or overstimulated.  However, most nights she's easily settled now with a hand on her the only problem is you can't take the hand away or she immediately starts crying again and if she falls asleep that way she's back up in an hour to do the same thing.  I've been doing WIWO consistently for at least 5 or 6 days now and fairly regularly before that.  With WIWO I do leave her crying for a bit but I guess your saying its just not as long as CIO?

[lily_layne]

CIO is when you leave her to cry for as long as she takes to quit (I've heard of stories where LOs cried for 1-2 hrs). If you're responding with some reassurance, it's not CIO. She does need a chance to work it out on her own so you're right to not rush in right away. I find a good guide for me is if I can listen to the cries without becoming anxious. I try to take a few deep breaths and then really listen before I respond. If the cry doesn't arouse an anxiety response in me, I've found it a self-settling/mantra cry and I leave DS to work it out and I only go in if it escalates. If the cry is making me feel uneasy/anxious, I've found that it's an "I need help" cry and I respond. Does that make sense?

[albers30]

Yes, that makes sense.  I just wish my little girls night time issues made as much sense. 

[lily_layne]

It is hard when the issues aren't straightforward.

Sorry I haven't been on in the last few days. How have her nights been?

[albers30]

Any night when she's with the sitter during the day is terrible, she's basically up all night.  Otherwise, if I'm home one of two things happens.  Either I do WIWO when she wakes up and after 1 1/2 to 2 hrs of this she goes to sleep and sleeps the rest of the night or I'm too tired to do that so when she wakes I pat her til she falls back asleep and this occurs every 1 1/2 hours through the night.  I was mainly doing WIWO but the last few days I've been so tired I've done the other since we weren't making any progress, not that the other method allows me any more sleep.

[lily_layne]

Do you think you need to take a break from attempting to sleep train for a few nights just so you can get some sleep?

[albers30]

Whether I want to or not we're taking a break because I'm not sure if its illness or teething or a combo but she's been extra fussy, clingy, and running intermittent fevers with a runny nose not napping well and waking up about every half hour since yesterday evening so we're just  going to do whatever it takes to get thru this right now.

[lily_layne]

(((hugs))) I hope she's feeling better soon. Good job on reading her signs and giving her what she needs while she's unwell.

[albers30]

Two questions  I could use some input on for when you start getting back on track.  1st, I think she's got to be chronically over tired at this point as she has been awake a good part of the night for nearly 2 months now and doesn't make up for it by sleeping in or  napping extra during the day.  I've tried to help her extend her naps or even tried putting her down for an extra one a few times and she wants nothing to do with it.  What's the best way to help her catch up and get back on track because I feel like this might be part of the vicious cycle that's keeping her up at night, especially the long stretches of inconsolable crying which leads me to my next question.  What's the best way to handle these long stretches of crying at night when nothing I do seems to help her anyway.

[lily_layne]

To help catch up, I would move BT earlier - up to an hour if you think she'll go for it. I've had lots of success with BT as early as 6 pm.

With the long stretches of crying, I would just let her know you're there with the least intervention possible. It may just be sitting in the room and quietly reassuring her every so often.