Author Topic: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore  (Read 9834 times)

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Offline Reethepea

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I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« on: May 27, 2016, 18:42:04 pm »
Hi everyone, I'm wondering if anybody can help. DD 2 is 8 weeks old on Wednesday and I'm really struggling. Since she was 4 weeks old I have struggled with naps(short naps of 30-45 mins and unable to resettle by any means). She is seriously overtired and cries so much and I'm at the end of my tether. She won't sleep in the car or the pushchair, I can normally get a short nap out of her in the sling if I am walking outside, however once we return home she wakes up.She is well and gaining weight. No signs of reflux. She is bottle fed breast milk and formula. Swaddled for all naps and night time sleeps and uses a dummy.

Our easy is roughly like this
Eat: Wake up 5.30am bottle fed 150ml of formula
Sleep- tried to put her in the Moses basket, wide awake, smiling, left as happy but did not sleep.
Activity at 7am I got her up, figured I would feed her at 8am and try again
Eat- 100mls breast milk
Sleep 8.20 took 20 mins to settle slept for 40 mins woke up crying(tried to resettle as clearly still tired, with dummy and placing a hand on her chest) she hates shush pat and just screams. Unsuccessful.
Activity- 9.15am
Sleep 10am- 45mins unable to resettle
Eat 11am
Sleep 11.30am for 30 mins- unable to resettle. By this point DD 1 is bored and we have errands to do.

I was hoping she would settle in the car but only did a maximum of 10mins sleep.

This went on until 16.30 pm when she had a complete melt down. Hubby came home from work- fed her and managed to get her in bed asleep by 18.30 pm. She is clearly exhausted and I'm completely demoralised. I'm dreading tomorrow :(

I forgot to mention we will dream feed at between 22 and 22.30pm- she usually sleeps till 5.30am

Any insight would be great. Easy was a complete game changer with DD 1 and turned her from grumpy to gorgeous in less that a fortnight but struggling with the opposing needs of two.


« Last Edit: May 27, 2016, 18:54:38 pm by Reethepea »
DD 1- Spirited- July 2012

DD 2- Angel/Touchy April 2016

Offline Bella89

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Re: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2016, 20:40:36 pm »
Hi there,
I hope I will be able to help, but please feel lots of support coming your way. I know there beginnings can be hard on everybody. She is very little and getting to know the world and learning how to do things.

I do have questins:
1. Is she draining her bottles? When she sleeps well at night, it also means she has to eat more during the day.
2. Sorry, I didn't fully understand your routine:/
So she had bottle at 5:30, lied down till 7, ate at 8, you put her down 8:20?

What I can suggest right now is try to feed her once in EASY cycle. At the beggining some newborns can feel discomfort when fed right before sleep.
Try something like this tomorrow:
5:30 WU and feed, full feed when she leaves some milk in the bottle
Put her down and act like it's still nighttime, this way you can turn 5:30 into nighttime feed hopefully, or breakfast if you're lucky:)
If she doesnt fall asleep get up and give her at least 30 min full play time on the blanket, swing with toys.
7:30 actively try to put her down again.
....

Basically, try to keep the cycles 3h long. Keep her no more than 2h from eyes open till eyes closed.

Do you think you can try that?

Offline Reethepea

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Re: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2016, 21:21:53 pm »
Thank you so much for reply. In response she often drains the bottle and if she does I offer her more. I'm going to give your suggestion a go tomorrow. I try and see the 5.30 waking as a night feeding but she having none of it. To make matters worse dd1 wakes at 5.45-6 and starts yelling or whistling for me lol. Hubby is home tomorrow so I will definitely try your suggestions.

I never thought of just giving her 30 mins of A time if she doesn't settle.
It's tricky as I'm expressing milk and first thing in the morning they are so painful if I don't empty them Asap. It's proving more and more difficult with her not settling to be able to get this done.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I will let you know how we get on 😊
DD 1- Spirited- July 2012

DD 2- Angel/Touchy April 2016

Offline michaeljacknnugg

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Re: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2016, 06:19:02 am »
Hi, I can sympathise completely as my now 6mo was exactly the same! I felt like all I was doing was trying to get him to sleep.

I gave up on anything but getting him some sleep until we could get more reliable naps and nights. For us, that meant all naps were in the sling until around three months. Tip: sit on a yoga ball and bounce if you don't want to be walking around. Saved my knees! The good thing about the sling naps is that it allowed me to get an idea of his A time (since he could choose when to drop off) and therefore I knew pretty early on that he was LSN. No surprise, his brother is, too.

He did grow out of it, and we are doing ok with sleep now. It's been a longish road to independent sleep but that's also because I've taken it slowly and gently for my own sake.

Hth!
My 'little man' - kind-hearted Spirited whirlwind, 2008
My love, my everything - BabyTwo, Nov 2015

Offline Bella89

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Re: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2016, 18:22:48 pm »
Waiting to hear how everything will turn out :)

Keeping my fingers crossed!

Offline Reethepea

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Re: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2016, 18:46:20 pm »
So, a little update from over the week end. We had some success on Saturday. Our EASY looked like this
 E- 4am
Back to sleep by 5am
Wu-6.40
Eat- 7am
Activity
Sleep by 8am- woke at 45mins settled after 39 mins
Eat 10am
Activity
Sleep 11am
Eat- 1pm
Activity
Sleep 1.5 hrs whilst out
Eat 4pm
Activity
Sleep- Nil as driving
Wind down and bed time routine
Eat 18.30
Sleep 18.45
DF- 22.00

Felt really positive yesterday as although she didn't sleep from 16.00 -18.45 she did take better am naps and I was able to resettle. Today however was awful. Feeling utterly demoralised. We stayed at home today so we could concentrate on naps, however Dd1 has been playing up as bored 😩😢

So today's EAsy was;

NF 4.30
WU 6.45
E 7am
A
S 8- woke at 8.50- unable to resettle, I gave up at 9.40
E 10
A
S 10.30- woke at 11.15- resettled till 12.45
E 1pm
A
S 2pm- woke at 3pm after 45mins unable to resettle, so got up at 4pm
E 4pm
A
S 5pm- 30 mins- unable to resettle. Cried for 30 mins unable to comfort. Seemed happier when offered some water(offering at gp's advice mixed feeding and no bm for 2 days)
Bedtime routine and bath- she was happy and smiling
E- 18.30
Sleep 7pm

Utterly exhausting, no decent time spent with dd1 and no time to do any housework.

If she only sleeps for 45 mins how long should I make her next a time?
I'm so confused and feel that we have wasted this beautiful day sat for most of it trying to resettle in a darkened room.
Nb we have made sure that she is well fed and always leaves some of her bottle. She is 8 weeks tomorrow .



DD 1- Spirited- July 2012

DD 2- Angel/Touchy April 2016

Offline eeleahc

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Re: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2016, 15:02:58 pm »
I too am struggling with 45 min naps since about 6 weeks old! (She is 11 weeks tomorrow). Have you tried extending A time at all? I see you have mostly a 60 min A time, perhaps an hr 5 or 10 min might make a diff. I'm playing around with diff A times right now to figure it out. I also have a 2.8 year old, and also can't stay inside all day trying to get my NB to sleep, so if she wakes up at the 45 min mark, I have my sling ready and I pop her in and go outside. She usually falls asleep again within 20 min and I get another 30 min sleep out of her. I found this really helpful!! I also shield her face when we are out to block stimulation (as she is a very alert baby and wants to play with her sister haha). I just posted a thread of 45 min wakeups too to see what ppl have to say.

Hang in there, the 4th trimester (as they call it) is very difficult especially without a napping baby and a toddler to chase around. I'm trying to be a littler more flexible. I also read on a thread here that some moms end up doing 5-6 cat naps a day to get in sleep while they have to tend to their other kids. Eventually they link up sleep cycles and it gets easier. So you may have to adjust EASY for now with added cat nap when your babe does short napping and go with it.

Hope this helps! Interested to see what others say.

Offline Bella89

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Re: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« Reply #7 on: May 30, 2016, 18:26:44 pm »
I agree with PP, are you willing to add 15 min to her activity times? I.e. if she WU at 6:45 and you see no signs of being tired, adding that A time can help. I would start with that.Notice how she is getting more tired later in the day, hence longer naps.Increasing A times can help.

Oh Honey, please don't torture yourself with trying to resettle for so long. Someone advised me once to create 25 min rule. If LO doesn't want the sleep you offer it's pointless to try and try.
That being said, try to get as close to the normal A time as possible. For example, if she would be active for 1h and 15 min after a good nap, try making it at least an hour. But watch her closely, is she is rubbing her eyes a lot of she gives "single screams". It means time to go:)

I know it's not that easy with the second one. Try working on it as much as you can. Remember that there is only so much we can do, and it's normal and ok. I know you must be tired, but hang in there.

PS. When she sleeps, are her palms open or does she hold fists? That's on another topic. Palms open-ok, fists closed-means trouble with relaxing.

Offline Reethepea

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Re: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« Reply #8 on: May 31, 2016, 05:00:37 am »
Thank you so much ladies. I'm going to try and stretch her a time a little. Will also apply the 25 min rule and take her out in the sling if I can't resettle.

I'm not sure about the fists because she is swaddled but will take note next time 😊. Thank you again. Knowing I'm not the only one definitely helps.
DD 1- Spirited- July 2012

DD 2- Angel/Touchy April 2016

Offline Bella89

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Re: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2016, 14:20:17 pm »
Oh I am sure you're not!
Even with second time mammas it's just a matter of knowing the baby, and it can take time and lots of trying:/

Offline Reethepea

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Re: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« Reply #10 on: June 20, 2016, 19:17:28 pm »
Hi ladies,
I'm back again after a reletively successful couple of weeks. First of all I have pushed A time to around the 1hr 20 mark on occasion 1 hr 30. We are still getting the dreaded 45 min nap at least once per day but she was doing at least 1 2 hour stretch at lunchtime 😊, she was also mainly settling for naps with minimal intervention. This made such a difference to the day and made life with dd 1 much easier. However what a difference a day makes. Today she has had just 1.5hrs of day time sleep 😩
Are EASY looked like this
Wu-6.30
E-6.45
A
S 8am
Wu 8.45am tried to resettle but cooing and smiling- bought downstairs was happy
E- 9.30
Skipped activity as so tired
S- tried to settle at 10, fell asleep at 10.45
Wu 11- what is that about

I admit at that point I gave up. I had promised my dad I would see him today and dd1 was getting bored.
Got to my dads and she was tired, gave me 3 big yawns so I tried to get her to nap in my arms. Think we got 10 mins at most.
E-12.45

Arrived home at 13.30(cried In The car on the way home) taken straight up to bed. Cried a lot and pood hence the reason took so long to settle
S- 2.45-3.15pm tried to resettle but crying escalated
E-3.40
Attempted to get her to sleep at 4pm but gave up at 5 as crying hard when held or in cot but happy when up.
She wAs happy up for the rest of the afternoon/ early evening

Bath and bedtime routine from 6pm finally got her asleep by 7.40pm

She is 11 weeks old today. Any thoughts other than obviously overtired??? X


DD 1- Spirited- July 2012

DD 2- Angel/Touchy April 2016

Offline Bella89

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Re: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« Reply #11 on: June 21, 2016, 18:51:15 pm »
She definitely feels OT, but do you think it can be the heat outside or something else bothering her?

I wonder what threw her off:/ 

Offline Reethepea

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Re: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« Reply #12 on: June 25, 2016, 16:35:22 pm »
Aggghhhh 45 min naps all day... Very overtired bubba and frazzled mummy :)
DD 1- Spirited- July 2012

DD 2- Angel/Touchy April 2016

Offline Bella89

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Re: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« Reply #13 on: June 25, 2016, 21:30:59 pm »
Is it as hot where you are as it is in Poland? OMG my DS sleep is all over the place:(

Did anything improve? Do you want to post your routine?

Offline Reethepea

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Re: I'm done and don't know what to do anymore
« Reply #14 on: June 26, 2016, 13:09:28 pm »
Hi, thanks for your reply. It is quite muggy here(the bedroom has been 26 degrees with the windows open) . I'm not sure but I think we have just finished a wonder week. Her naps were terrible with lots of fussing in the bottle for 3 days 😱. However today so far has been great she woke at 8am  has has 1 X 2hr nap(I went in at 45 mins and replaced her dummy), and is currently done 1hr and 15mins with no intervention. I really can't second guess this girl. The differences today is she slept in till 8, she starts fussing at 1hr 15 a time so I took her upstairs and she has been asleep by 1hr 25 😊. It is also cooler(the bedroom says 22 degrees)

I'm sure this is not the end of my gorgeous girls fun but want to thank everyone who has posted support and making me feel more sane x
DD 1- Spirited- July 2012

DD 2- Angel/Touchy April 2016