Obsessing around schedules

[stridey]

Hi yah Katie's Mummy, my ‘usual’ daily routine is posted about mid-way through the page. Looking back on it I guess it is still really a 3hr E.A.S.Y.  but I just started with getting DD to stay awake abit longer so will now go towards letting her sleep abit longer too….am not really sure about this but am waiting on a BW book that might tell me about the 3.5 and 4hr E.A.S.Y. So to change I just kinda went by DD’s cues. From DD’s early days, until about 4 weeks ago, I used to do her BF, play and change of nappy in 1hr (she was an efficient feeder, a real guzzler!!!!!) and then a few times I noticed she was taking longer than usual to fall asleep and seemed abit ‘put out’ about having to go to bed so I thought I’d try leaving her up and extra 10 - 15 mins each ‘A’ time. I did this over a few days and she seemed to be able to cope with it so I just extended it in 5-10min increments until it got to 1.5hrs. She would still sleep for the 1.5 hrs but in the mornings, after her 7am start, I tend to leave her for a 2 hour sleep, which I didn’t put in the timetable. Also forgot to put in the DF at 9:00pm…..my brain is mush!!!!!

I was abit scared about DD getting overtired but realised that this would probably have to happen a few times during this transition so I tried to mentally prepare myself for this!!!!!

Far out I do go on and on and on!!!!! So DD ‘usually’ has 1 x 2hr sleep and then 2 x 1.5hr sleeps and one 30 - 45min ‘catnap’ b4 her big sleep at night. I guess I try not to let DD have any more than 6 hrs of sleep during the day, I think the book says this? Mind you this is all just watching DD’s cues as I didn’t really know about the 3.5 and 4hr E.A.S.Y. I hope I am getting the right book!!!!! Can you please tell me which book explains the 3.5 and 4hr E.A.S.Y?

So there you have it. I am truly sorry if I have confused you even more as this parenting business can be confusing stuff anyway. Sing out if you want me to pop out the routine, as I am a very visual person and need it set out and besides this post would confuse the heck out of me!!!!! Sorry

Cheers
Kiwi from NZ

[Bryony]

Thanks Stridey 

I guess that sounds pretty much like what we are doing!  How old is your LO?  The 4 hourly EASY routine is in the 2nd book (the baby whisperer solves all your problems...) but I got a bit confused with the routines for transitioning from 3 hourly to 4 hourly. I worked out my own this morning, but it won't really work until Katie can manage a 1.75 hr A time.  She's currently on about 1.5 hours of A time.  There are also some examples of different EASY routines in the EASY forum.   

And yes mine is an efficient little guzzler too - if she's hungry, she can down a breast (reducing me by about two cup sizes!!) in about 5 mins and then not want any more for 3 to 3.5 hours...

Bryony

[stridey]

Our DD is 14 weeks old. Yipee I have ordered the BWSAYP so will pick that over in fine detail when I get it. Hey, where did all of the other people go that wrote on this. I am not too sure how this works? Have they moved us to a different thread?
Cheers
Kiwi from NZ

[Bryony]

They're all still there - at least on my computer?!

Bryony

[stridey]

O.K. must be something wrong with my computer. Will get DH on the job!!!!!
Cheers. I will keep an eye on this thread. Love this website. I'm addicted!!!!!
Cheers
Kiwi from NZ

[MissMatilda]

Michele,
I nearly cried when I read your post! I've been feeling like the world's most uptight mum, since I've not been able to relax a single day since Matilda was born!! The reason I have just switched to EASY routine with 11 wk Matilda is that I've been driving myself and husband crazy with obsessing over the Gina Ford routine. At work, I'm a project manager, So Gina Ford's strict timetables seemed to suit my personality perfectly - trouble is, I've realised my LO is not a robot and she has refused to be 'programmed' into such exact time slots! I have also been conscious of peoples comments like 'you should be enjoying your baby not watching the clock' and I know I need to let go of the control a bit..

I'm hoping EASY will make life more flexible and more adapted to my LOs needs, since it's more of a sequence rather than a time table... We'll see, I still find it difficult not to get in a panic if Matilda hasn't had a feed 'on time' or is sleeping at funny times.

Anyway, sorry I'm not really helping, just sympathising and so relieved to find I'm not the only one!

Jennie x

[Aly Mac]

Jennie, I too was a project manager so I know what you mean!!  When I found the book I was so excited becuase no other book goes into routines like BW and suited my personality.  We could do a gantt chart for our lo's easy routine and allocate cost and resources.  Even a risk mitigation strategy to allow for slippage!!! 

LOL - I figure, enjoy and I will keep the project managment for work time.!

[stridey]

Hi there Jennie, isn't it great to find like minds, and worries, on such a site. It really makes your day doesn't it when you see that other people are going through the same thing.

I call myself an ‘m n m’ – militant mummy!!!!! I am abit of a 'control freak' and still find it hard not to watch the clock; our DD is 4 months old. While I am much more relaxed now and better at watching her sleep clues, I too still find it abit daunting when she is off her little routine. But I figure that is the type of personality I have, and will always have, and to not beat myself up about it too much.

In terms of the BW book when I read about the 'birds eye view' of schedules, demand feeding and the BW timetable in the first  book I just burst into tears when I realised I was a schedule mum. I felt like the worst mum in the world trying to pigeon-hole my little DD into a 'schedule'. But realised that I wasn’t doing to bad and to be looking on this site and looking for answers to my concerns I was being the best mum I could be as I was looking for ways to make my LO happy, healthy and contented and how can that be bad. So don’t beat yourself up you are doing all of this in the best interest of your LO and what a fine job you are doing.

You mentioned about other comments about enjoying your LO’s time but just remember that in your own time you will find what works for you and Matilda and that there will be loads of other times for you to enjoy with your LO.

You sound like a wonderful mum that will find your own routine and b4 you know it you will be giving advice to other people on this site.

Take care
Kiwi from NZ

[Bryony]

Jennie - let us know how you get on with BW! 

And I don't think we should give ourselves a hard time for being rather schedule-orientated sometimes...  I know plenty of people who follow a very strict (practically to the minute!) schedule - and plenty who have no routine to speak of.  And both they and their LOs seem to be doing fine!  I have come to the conclusion that the most important thing is to find something that works for YOU and your LO.  A relaxed happy mummy leads to a relaxed happy LO.  And a stressed mummy most definitely leads to an unhappy LO (well it does in our case).  I personally find that the BW approach is a good middle way for me - a routine but with some flexibility.  I also really like BW's ethos of knowing and respecting your own baby rather than treating them all the same.

While not a project manager exactly I manage research projects....  and yes I DO have a Gantt chart of Katie's E and A times (cringe).  What is it that project managers are drawn to this thread   

B

[Aly Mac]

Hi Bryony  -  I think we just love the order of it all.  And the 'known'.  There seems to be an answer for everything in BW, even if at times there are several answers.  As I was typing about the gantt chart i was thinking what a good idea it would be!! It would look all ordered and pretty.I used to put her schedule in an excel spreadsheet with coloured blocks for each type  - E A S - so I could see a pattern emerging.  I got a little obsessed and feel much less stressed since I gave that up.

[MissMatilda]

So funny - before I logged on today I spent some time thinking about whether I could get the gantt chart software on my computer at home..! I talked myself down though, resolved to stop the control freakery and go back to watching for Matilda's cues.  I swear my husband thinks I'm losing the plot, but like you say, if information seeking and scheduling is your normal way of dealing with stress, it's hard to resist trying to bring some order into the chaos!

Today I woke up late, forgot to set alarm and Matilda slept longer after being up twice in the night, she was cold I think, and she didn't fall back asleep properly after I put her winter grobag on..So now I'm trying to figure out how to plan a day that started at 8am rather than 7am - hopefully she will fall into her normal sequence anyway (again with DH not understanding why this is a big deal - any tips on how to deal with DH who thinks it's OK to completely forget about the routine on weekends and bank holidays?? )

Thanks for the support ladies, it's such a lifeline to share experiences with so many likeminded people - what did people do before Internet??

Jx

[Bryony]

any tips on how to deal with DH who thinks it's OK to completely forget about the routine on weekends and bank holidays?? )

Thanks for the support ladies, it's such a lifeline to share experiences with so many likeminded people - what did people do before Internet??

I think my DH has come around having seen how happy and content Katie is when she's had enough sleep / seems to know what's coming next - versus being overtired and grumpy when we didn't have a routine or when the routine goes completely haywire. I don't think he gets it 100% but he kind of sees where I am coming from...   But then again - sometimes he persaudes me that we should go out, do something or whatever when I am worried about Katie's routine and whether she'll get her nap etc. DH says "she'll be fine..."  and we do it anyway - and Katie IS usually fine.

And I agree - don't know what I would have done without the internet!!  Gone even more loopy I think 

Bx

[rinajack]

any tips on how to deal with DH who thinks it's OK to completely forget about the routine on weekends and bank holidays?? )

This is where I found cue watching so important also.  Then I could show DH the cues, so that he learned to recognise them also.  DH became much more compliant about sleeping babies when he could see for himself that the baby really was tired

[stridey]

Hi there ladies, what is a gannt chart?.....is it a computer software programme.....just showing my computer ignorance here. I was really worried about going out too. Due to medical reasons I am not able to drive. This was O.K. b4 we had Cliodhna but I found it super hard to get out as Cliodhna just wasn't used to it.....or I thought she wouldn't be. My DH told me I needed to take the plunge and go for it, which I did, and I found DD much more flexible that I thought she would be. Initially I just made sure that I fed her just b4 we went out and then got home for her next feed and because she was abit knackered from going out I just feed her and popped her back into bed.....I have to say I was abit worried about this feeding just b4 she went down turning into a prop but I figured that if it happens only every now and then it was O.K. and it seems to be working out!!!!!

In regards to my DH I showed him DD's tired signs, like rinajack, and after he felt he had got the knack of that I told him he had to make the decisions for a day.....I must admit I was abit freaked out about giving someone else the control, even if it was my DH, but I figured that the only way he was going to learn was to make a few mistakes......and I was on hand anyway (can't quiet relinquish the 'control freak' in me though). I also did it on a Saturday so that if things got abit out of hand he, or me,  had the Sunday to sort it out!!!!!

Upon reading back on this I am such a 'total control freak' but hey it seems to be working and I also get a break at the weekends if DH takes over.

Cheers
Kiwi from NZ

[Bryony]

Stridey - a Gantt chart is a way of graphically representing different tasks you have to do, and what times you are going to do them - usually over weeks/months.  It doesn't have to be on a computer.  But you don't really want to know, believe me....  I just need to get a life 

I liked your idea of getting DH to take charge one day a week. I was talking to my DH last night and we came to the conclusion that we have got into a bit of a vicious circle where I do all the looking after Katie stuff, which means he doesn't feel confident to do anything, which means on the rare occasion he does do anything to look after her, she picks up on the lack of confidence and freaks out.... which further reduces his confidence.  So maybe we will have to instigate a DH Saturday like you      I am BF so I will have to be there for feeds but it would be good for him to make the decisions about when she needs to be fed and when to sleep etc.  I am impressed with your plan!

B