Author Topic: Finally dropping the NFs... a hand to hold and some accountability, please?  (Read 9707 times)

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Offline clazzat

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I did set naps from a very early point with all 3 of mine, and it saved my sanity if nothing else!  I fixed the lunchtime nap at 12.30, regardless of wake-up, and it fell into place once we reached one nap with x (the girls were fantastically good at napping from much earlier, so he was a bit of a shock!).  We often had very early starts to the day, but I found that knowing when the nap was helped me enormously, and I believe that having it set at 12.30 from so early is why they have all napped easily until 4 (okay, x isn't quite there yet, but he is still napping at the moment and it is only 1 month till his birthday! :P).  If I were you, I would focus my efforts on fixing that middle-of-the-day nap and work around it.  If you think that a short nap in the morning will be necessary to get him to it from when he wakes up then try that.  I also set bedtime at about 6.30, regardless of nap length, so although I had a complete monster on my hands on many many occasions, I knew what I was aiming for and we did get there.

Hang in there - it will fall into place at some point! :-*

Offline katie80

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^^^ Yes, I think saving my sanity is where I'm at, Clare, thanks! Sometimes I feel like it's going against everything I 'know' about sleep begets sleep, etc. But, I keep trying to get him more sleep and it's just not working! ::) With the big two, I felt like I had a trick up my sleeve, so when they EW I used it and they were back to a decent wake-up within the next couple days. So, I've been doing the same with C, but he's obviously not falling for it. Old habits die hard, I guess. :-\

Helen - Thanks for sharing your insights. It seems he is LSN and yes, and I can't seem to break the early morning we've gotten into, so there are definite similarities. I guess what scares me off is that he's not the best of nappers either, so holding out for it will likely cause an OT, short nap, but clearly the other option doesn't seem to work either! :P Did your DS nap his regular, long nap even after the early start?

I got him til 7+am today by feeding at 4:20 and then APing the heck out of him til he was asleep. I put him in the swing near 5:30? and didn't hear from him til 7. Nap at noon for 1hr+ and settling for bed at 6ish. Probably shooting myself in the foot with that, but he's falling over tired, so I went with it.

That's the thing that will be so hard for me with a set time, as every voice in my head is telling me to get him to bed, and even if he wakes early he will have had more sleep (but I won't be able to resettle him! ::)). Oh well... I also keep telling myself to just accept it. I mean even if he wakes at 5:30, I can get up and do a workout before the others wake. But, then the rest of his day doesn't really line up with theirs, so it ends up getting messy. :-\.

Ok, will stop writing a diary now, just thinking out loud. Sorry to those of you who were just cheering me on to get rid of the NFs... bet you weren't expecting a super lengthy thread! ::) :-* Will give the set times a go, thinking I'll aim for 12 nap and 6:30 BT to start.



Offline kayra

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Hugs katie, sounds like a plan! When the twins were going thru 3-2 we were an utter messX2 so i finally went for set naps and although initially it was hard eventually it really sorted them out and later I was able to be more flexible but at least in my head I knew the earliest times they were going down and that really helped. Xxxxxx

Our angel Victor 06.11.10  We miss you, but look forward to the day we will see you again my love 1Cor. 15
Angel, April 2011

Offline Martini~

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Katie if that helps we are doing set naps for ages. On set naps it's the nap length which changes I guess depending on their tiredness so you also have to accept that sometimes they will do 1:15 and sometimes 1:45 and still will be more tired after 1:45:).
The biggest mistake I make/made is that when F's naps are going haywire I start to panic and mess with set times too quickly which ends up ... badly:). So if you want to try set naps, just remember that it will mean some pushing, having tired child etc until he settles nicely on some routine. And even then there will be some problems with naps here and there.

What I still do when first nap is a crap (shorter than 1h) is doing a quick catnap in a buggy around 4pm. 20min max usually. It helps him to get till normal BT, doesn't mess with nights yet and if first nap was short - F is not refusing it so much (but it is of course APed...).

By the way F is just after the illness and Easter and is napping ... strangely on magic set nap at 12:P. Just to show you how  a "good" napper day look like... please have my diary for last 10 days, hahaha :):
Sat - 0:45 + 30min CN
Sun - 0:45 + 20min CN
Mon - 2:00h
Tue - 1:30
Wed 1:15+ 20min CN (fever)
Thu 0:05 in a buggy + 0:30 + 0:30 (fever)
Fri 2:00
Sat 0:50+ 20min CN (and tell me... why on Earth he napped 50min here??? day before with the same A he did 2:00 catch up)
Sun 1:00 and still napping... if longer than 1:15 I will not even offer a catnap and he will refuse for sure
« Last Edit: April 12, 2015, 11:04:59 am by Martii85 »
~Marta

Offline michaeljacknnugg

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Yes, DS still took his long nap even with his early starts. In fact looking back I think we should have capped a bit, but we were so exhausted we were often known to nap too!

Our routine at around 18mo was something like this (forgive me for being hazy, but it's been a while):
Awake by six (still is), often earlier.
Nap 2-4pm
Bed at 7.30, asleep for eight-ish
My 'little man' - kind-hearted Spirited whirlwind, 2008
My love, my everything - BabyTwo, Nov 2015

Offline Martini~

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Gosh, Helen - you did have a nap at 2pm?? Late!!!
When you tried for an earlier nap, what was happening? Was he refusing a nap or rather catnaping?
~Marta

Offline katie80

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Thanks, ladies... I appreciate your replies... and your diary, Marta.  It's good for me to remember not every other baby is doing 2hr every day. While I fully accept C will probably never do that, I just long for the consistency. And, I feel like I don't even know how to achieve that because I don't really know what he needs (a 2hr nap and 10-11hr night or a 1.5hr nap and an 11-12hr night... just no clue! :-[). I guess if I just keep offering the nap at noon, hopefully one day it might become clear. :-\

He was up from 4:30-6am this morning, then slept til 7 after a lot of AP and just did 30min nap from 12-12:30. I hate to say this, but he's so cranky, I'm tired of being with him and his whine. :-[ :(



Offline kayra

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Hugs katie, I feel the same way when they whine and are cranky and I feel it's 'their' fault for not sleeping! :( is there any chance you can have people round or go out or sthg just to be able to share the burden while you Plod thru trying set nap times?

Our angel Victor 06.11.10  We miss you, but look forward to the day we will see you again my love 1Cor. 15
Angel, April 2011

Offline Truly Blessed

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Just popping on with some more ((HUGS)) Honey, the whining is hard to take, and it is a very stressful situation, my heart goes out to you :(.

How does he sleep when out and about  ??? Do you ever wonder about just trying to have a nice day altogether and waiting to see if and when he falls asleep  :-\  That may sound really silly, but it seems like that could be what you need right now. Maybe tuck him up in his pushchair and head for the park, and leave the rest to 'what will be will be.' If I'm honest, the reason I say this is that I did it once with DS, because I felt he was picking up on my stress. That is in NO WAY a criticism, as like I say BTDT, but when we headed out he did one of his best naps over the tricky period. Just a thought  :-\.

Hope today is better.x.



Offline cath~

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Hi Katie

 (((hugs)))

I've been following along but haven't posted recently cos not really had much advice I'm afraid :-\ but I also agree that set naps can work well at this age, esp when all other tinkering isn't really helping anyway!  L pretty much had a set nap at 12.30 from when she was on 1 nap until she dropped it.  We just capped it more and more as it got too long and adversely affected BT. 

With H we haven't quite got to that point yet though as she's still not STTN and, with recent colds etc, some days she's been more tired and has napped early (11/11.30), and then I've apod'd a short CN in the afternoon to get her through til BT.  H also has a tendancy to nod off in the car so quite often she has an unplanned am CN (or sometimes it's planned if we're having a day out) and then her main nap is a touch later.  However, if we stay in (so she doesn't nod off in the car!) and she's not tired due to illness, then nap is usually at 12.30.

(((hugs))) it can be so tricky. I like the ideas to relieve it a bit and take the "thinking" out of it all so much.  I know I'm often guilty of overthinking nap times/lengths.
DD1 - 8 years old
DD2 - 5 years old

Offline michaeljacknnugg

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Just seen your comment Marta - he just wasn't tired any earlier. He's always been a mile-a-minute boy but also needed long A times. He is literally impossible to wear out!

That's why I go against many here and advise more A time. It's so easy to think OT when actually there may be some UT at play.
My 'little man' - kind-hearted Spirited whirlwind, 2008
My love, my everything - BabyTwo, Nov 2015

Offline cath~

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^^ my LSN DDs always did classic OT stuff (EWs, NWs, short naps..) when actually they needed more A time and less day sleep. Took me months to realise this with L though.  I kept telling myself she *must* be OT (based on the averages I'd read here)
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DD2 - 5 years old

Offline katie80

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^^^ Interesting... maybe I'm still getting it all wrong. Although, I'm pretty sure he's OT atm, as his sleep totals are quite low and he's displaying all the classic signs.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your thoughts. Today was another rough one... I don't know if it's even worth writing about. :-\ He had a total of 11hr sleep yesterday and is likely on track for more of the same tonight. I've already been in to settle a screaming NW at 9:50 (took me 35min). :( I'm so tired of spending my day and night trying to get him to sleep... it's sucking the life out of us.

Vicki - The only way he reliably sleeps out and about is in the car and we do use that at least once a week. We plan to be out before his nap, drive home and then just leave the car running, parked half way in the garage. Not the greenest of options, but I'm surely not about to try and transfer him, when I know he'll stay asleep in the car. :P

Graham is getting a bit fed up with having to take little drives here and there and tbh, trying a small CN and main nap seems to backfire every time, so I think I'm just going to have to push through. I don't feel like there's anything left to push, though. Does every baby crash at some point and just sleep... I'm afraid he never will? :-\



Offline kayra

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Hugs katie, it sounds really tough especiall with G in the picture too :(
If main nao and cn aren't working maybe just regardless of wu time set the nap to 12 or there abouts and stick with tha come what may. At least that way it's only 1 nap you're having to deal with and you're not constantly calculating.
So many hugs!! Xxx

Our angel Victor 06.11.10  We miss you, but look forward to the day we will see you again my love 1Cor. 15
Angel, April 2011

Offline jessmum46

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Hugs lovely.  I do think the set nap and abandon the idea of doing two is probably the way forwards now.  Like you say if it's not working there really isn't anything to lose, trying to get those CNs is such a pain anyway - and seems silly to put so much effort into such a tiny nap.  Sounds like for the whole family it's time for Cs sleep not to be dictating how things run (hope that's not out of order to say that) and for you to claim back some sanity and you time :). I've just made a batch of chocolate brownies - if you were closer I'd bring you some of those too!

Fwiw with the idea of consistency, I had to change my mindset about that with J at that age and accept that consistency would come from knowing when nap and bedtime were, not from knowing how long the nap would be or expecting the same WU time every day.  I would have loved the predictable 2h nap every day but it was never going to happen here with nursery in the mix too.  Just something to ponder as you move forwards xxxx