pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged

[Aly Mac]

Hang in there    Some days it's best just to go with the flow kwim?  I don't think the methods are pointless persay, but I know where you are coming from - it certainly seems that way when you try things and they seemingly don't work.  I went through stages of being so stressed about the short naps, that it made me miserable - which doens't help my baby much.  The day's when I *let go* of the routine, I felt so much better, even if my baby sitll didn't nap very well  And yes, they do grow out of it eventually, just some earlier, some later.

Take care
xx

[lilmonkey]

Sometimes reading too much info is not good for the soul, especially when your lo is not doing what the books/experts say.  Go with the flow.  If you lo is happy then you are doing a fantastic job as a mom.  HUGS!

[sophieschoice]

Hi Jackson;s mom,
 Believe me, I still wonder how people can have more than 1 child, even if my Sophie sleeps through the night and, outside of some cranky periods, is generally a very happy and healthy child, I should not complain.  I guess some women are " made" to be mothers of many kids, some- can handle one, and there is nothing wrong with it. I see at times  that trying to have all by the book gets in a way of my happier approach to motherhood but I am learning with time to relax more often. 
On the bad days, when nothing goes like it should,  I tell myself: this is not something that would forbid my  LO which  to be happy in life or go to college. 
 BTW: for the catnaps, afternoon stroll was the best- she wouldn't fall asleep in the bassinet, unlike for earlier naps.

[rozza]

Dont be discouraged - my dh and I patted and shushed every nap time, every wake up at night for weeks. It wasnt an overnight cure but slowly bit by bit as we learned and so did our ds things came straight.  Now he is nearly 5 months old and every now and then when we get night wake ups or nap problems I know I can use that method or wake-to-sleep and things will come right.  He also knows that when I start patting and shushing I mean business and I rarely get any resistance.

Dont give in - you can do it

[jennm0474]

Hugs to you...
Hang in there.  I am new to the Baby Whispering community as well...but what you are describing is exactly what my DS was like.  I didn't know what to do with him and I was at the end of my rope.  I felt the same as you "if he's going to cry in my arms or in the crib - why not the crib!!!"
One day my DH brought home the Baby Whisper book and I read it cover to cover in one night and then again the next day (you miss details if you don't read it twice)
Needless to say my DS is now 1 hour and 10 minutes into his 2nd nap of the day. 
My DS is a touchy baby and since my 3 year old daughter was an Angel baby I had no idea what to do with him.  If your baby is touchy - really try to pay attention to the signs of overstimulation.  When a touchy baby gets overstimulated it is very difficult to calm them down. 
Good luck and hang in there - it gets better - I promise 

[shaunam]

I had the same experience as hanahbanana but I started at 9 weeks with ds who NEVER napped.   Now by 12 ds goes down in 5 mins without sh/pat because he knows what to expect and now he naps almost by the book!  It may be as they get older they need less help, but if you 'set-the-stage' they will know how to do it on their own.  It's been a month since your post and you've probably already noticed a difference. Good luck!

[MMK529]

I am in the same boat with my 12 week old.  We just started doing the EASY method.  My mother in law had bought me the book when I was pregnant but I never got around to reading it.  My Madison is an angel baby and she was taking long naps during the day and sleeping for 6 hours at night.  Then my husband, my daughter, and our two dogs moved and I thought the time change was really going to mess with her.  So I made the HUGE mistake of letting her nurse herself to sleep, stop taking naps, and I let her sleep with me every single time she slept- a nap or for the night.  I figured this behavior was all due to the time change, but it quickly formed into a bad habit.  We've been in our new home for 2 weeks and Madison was up every two hours simply wanting to suck.  So I read the book and my husband and I are trying.  It has been really hard, and tonight it took an hour and a half of pu/pd and shhhing her, but she did it!  She is currently asleep in her crib.  I hope my reward for this is a happier baby during the day and a baby that sleeps more at night.  We can support each other during this hard time.  You're not alone out there.  I'm in Michigan doing this.  We can do this!  And EVERYONE will be a lot happier once we do.  Hang in there!  And I'll do the same1

[lonestaringreen]

Keep it up because I promise it really does work! My son will be 4 mths on Sat and we just started the 4 s ritual last sunday. He had not really been on a schedule and usually slept in my arms (i know) or next to me on the couch. I knew it was time to get it together so we started. It has only taken 3 days! I know that some babies take longer but it really does work. My oldest took about 10 days but she has a different temperament so you have to take that into consideration. One thing is for sure and that is that it WILL WORK. Don't underestimate the swaddle either as it makes a difference, esp to the little ones as their arms really flail and wake them...plus it makes them feel secure to be all bundled up even if it seems weird to us. So, don't give up. Here's what I do: swaddle, give him his pacifier, talk softly and soothingly about how he's just taking a nice nap etc., put one hand palm down just above his eyes ( not touching his face) just so he can't look up at me and get distracted or overstimulated, and then do shush-pat in a pattern of 7, never lifting my palm when patting just my fingers so there is slight pressure of my palm on his chest. I stay there until he is breathing heavily with eyes closed and then stop shushing but pat 75 times and then leave quietly. I count 75 for myself so I know when to leave and not linger there as that is really easy to do when you are looking at your peacefully sleeping baby! Yesterday afternoon and last night he didn't need me to shush-pat at all and just took his pacifier and made his sleepy noises until he drifted off. Don't forget to listen for the mantra cry too as you don't want to rush in if your baby is trying to settle  but it is not a real cry just noises...i would never leave while my baby is crying.
Good luck and you will get there. Send your success story when you do! 

[Mum2Sam]

Hey - haven't read whole chain as my eyes just won;t work anymore tonight but was asked to post on this site with encouragement.  We did probably 2 weeks of solid sh/pat - my bub is still in a bassinet and my back was killing me by the end of it!!  I felt like I spent my entire day (and night) waiting for him to go to sleep, watching him sleep or trying to stop him waking up from sleep.  There is NOTHING more frustrating than watching an exhausted baby fighting their sleep - I had to go out of the room and scream "just go to sleep" several times - that will get the neighbours talking!!.

Howeve it IS worth it in the end and you feel like the BEST mum in the world when he/she goes off to sleep on their own for the first time and you have a who 2 hours yes 2 hours (feels like a lifetime) to do STUFF - I have friends who come round and stare at disbelieve as Sam quietly drops off to sleep on his own while they are frantically walking, rocking, bouncing!  Don;t get me wrong there seem to be challenges every day and just when you have success something else comes along but I wanted to offer my support to keep going.

I am suffering at the mo with new night wakings but am still confident we have got the start of the sh/pat self settle established so it surely can;t get any worse (heh heh!!!)
Hang in there

[deckchariot]

well done mum2sam!!!  Thanks so much for posting your story - it made me smile - and remember my own sore back for hours of pat/shh   but it is worth it!

[bellasmama2230]

Lots of love & hugs, I've so been there. I think these techniques can work regardless of the age of the child. I've only been at this for a few weeks and I thought I had a fussy baby. She's 3 months now and we started at around 11 weeks old. I soon realized (after a few break downs!!) that I wasn't watching her sleep cues so she would go down overtired and rely on me to calm her down. Once I started to watch her sleep cues I was much more successful at nap time. She would lie down on her change table, hold my hand, turn her head and close her eyes!! I was in utter shock. I tried the Shh/Pat, but I think the patting was too stimulating. So I started to massage her legs and rub my hand over her chest and tummy. The shushing worked but not if I did it too loudly. Try winding him down after your active time (after you've seen 2 yawns or any rubbing of the eyes) by walking around your house and in a soft voice tell him what room is what, then if you can go outside, do so and show him around. This should only take around 5 mins or so. Then go into his nursery, close the drapes/blinds (make it as dark as possible), swaddle him (It really works for my LO) and rub his chest and legs (they really seem to like that) and then place him in his crib. This will not work if you've missed his sleep cues. And if you have missed them, then do what ever it is that will work to calm him and try again at the next nap time.  Just keep in mind that at his age about 1.5 hours after he wakes you should want him back in his crib drowsy. So try to keep an eye on the clock and his cues. Best of luck!! Don't be discouraged, believe me I've certainly had many hard days/weeks!!

[Tweakster]

I am new to BW but I have to say shh/pat is working
My DS is 14 weeks and was getting so OT - I just didn't know what to look for - he's my first. 
I had no idea how short their awake time is or what a sleep cue is - I just thought hey he's a baby, he'll just go to sleep when tired - ha! 

After 4 straight days of shh/pat for every nap - we are still getting short naps and there is a knot in the middle of my shoulder blades that feels like someone dropped kicked me - but there is a HUGE and DEFINITE improvement in his sleep.

As soon as he shows the first yawn or fussy arm flailing, I whisk him off to his room.  He hardly puts up a fight - the longest it has taken me to get him down is 20 mins and it has reduced every day.  It's like he has come to expect it.  So he isn't making it through the sleep transitions - I believe he WILL which is the most important thing.  Believe in what you are doing and focus on even the smallest victories - you win some and lose some, it's not a perfect science.

As long as I continue to see improvement or any type of success I will keep on keeping on.  Frankly I don't know what the alternative is - miserable LO and unhappy mummy.

Even though this is not a magic cure - there is hope and shards of light at the end of that tunnel.  I'll take the shards.

[deckchariot]

welcome to BW and I"m soooooo glad to hear that shh/pat is working - in no time, that knot in your shoulder will be a distant memory

[bellasmama2230]

Honey, we've all been there. Reading their cues is really important. I can't stress that enough. When I was implementing EASY I would always miss my DD's sleep cues and we'd be in a vicious cycle that I felt would never end. I was here all alone and thought my world was slowly crashing down around me. Then I started really watching her behaviour and realized she told me she was tired the same way every day. She would start getting fussy at almost precisely the same times. She would be in A for 1 hr or so and I would start catching her earlier and earlier for nap and it got easier and easier for her to fall asleep. I didn't need to calm her as much because I was able to catch her in her sleepy window. Every baby is different but if you watch the clock and see him getting fussy during A time then start winding down and you'll see how much easier it gets. Good luck! We're all here for you.
Hugs!!

[~Sara~]

When I first started using the shh/pat, I was coming from 8 weeks of letting my LO fall asleep on me...or anyone else, for that matter.  At first, it started that way because I didn't have enough energy to move around (had a c-section), and plus, I had no idea that it might be difficult to then get a baby used to sleeping in their bed.  Yeah, Ms. Clueless right here! 

Now, at 4 months, we can use shh/pat splendidly to get DS to go down for his naps and to sleep at night.  We swaddle him, walk him around for about 5 minutes, sing/hum, stand by his crib and sing a little more, and then lay him down.  We only have to shh/pat for about 2-3 minutes after his eyes shut (he's good about falling asleep the rest of the way by himself).

You just have to keep using it, because not only is your LO getting used to it as a cue for them to go to sleep, but you are getting better at recognizing and reacting to their sleepy cues.  It just takes practice and getting used to your LO.  I know, no quick solution, but it is a simple one   LOL, now, we're having problems extending our naps past 40-45 minutes, but that's our LO...he thinks he's ready to go for another 2 hours.

My LO still can't go to sleep all by himself, but there is absolutely NO APing going on, so we're not worried.  It's a means--and a healthy one at that--to an end: independent sleep.  We'll get there eventually

Best of luck to all of you fabulous mommies!