Author Topic: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged  (Read 58513 times)

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Offline solange

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Re: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged
« Reply #45 on: October 01, 2009, 19:35:51 pm »
Hi,

I am not sure if different for such a young baby as we started with 4 months and before we did not have any sleep problems.

But I can tell you it worked more or less straight away with our LO. However, it took us over five weeks to now see her starting to be able to self-soothe so hang in there please (we now do quite a bit PUPD). It became apparent quite quickly that she did not need much sh/patting very very soon and I started using it less or not rather not that strong and long. You will see yourself - the baby will tell you.
She started hating the sh/pat BUT sometimes I still say shush if she does not want to calm. This works a lot of the time. I also do it to not pick her up too much.

Keep trying. Hugs
Solange

Offline Maxmiliansmom

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Re: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged
« Reply #46 on: October 30, 2009, 19:45:25 pm »
Hello, Im all new to this board, the baby whisperer book and the mommie role of course:-)
My LO (which i assume means little one;-) ) is 8 weeks old and I put him on EASY 2 weeks ago, succesfully:-)
He has from day one slept in his own crib, knows his nights and days, i havent used any props (thank god) and have never let him cry out:-) (just common sense all of it but also a good child to deal with)
Now we are on the shhh and pat method. REason being that at 4 weeks once he started looking around and getting stimulated he started fuss and cry at nap times... i had him cry himself to sleep in my arms 2 nights in a row and KNEW I had to do something other than accidental parenting which is so easy to do in times like that, luckily a friend suggested BW and i started doing the pat/shh metod.
IM EXHAUSTED!!!!!
It does work as far as him calming down and still sleeping in his crib, it works for him which is so important to me and the motivation to keep on keepin on cause i would be exhausted from his crying just as much and he would be too so this way at least one of us is doing better:-)
I expected the method to start working straight away completely, lol... which now i know it just wont thanks to the replies on this board. REading through each and one of your stories made me cry and get chills.... it made me smile and feel more confident to continue, also the most important i am no longer alone about this. I know noone who has done anything about their babies sleep before way later and i felt "crazy" for starting so early with routines and now sleeping training.

So I want to thank you ALL for sharing these stories and i will come back in a few months and do the same for someone else who will be brand new at doing this.

Also, today, I downloaded white noise and it worked straight away, it truly takes away so much pressure off of me, I have and will continue to start each nap time and bed time with pat/shh method but instead of going for up till 60 min (depending oh how overstimulated he gets before sleep, which i cant belive how little it takes before he gets overstimulated) I can now start and do it for 20-30 and let the CD do the rest........... I feel like won a jackpot today when i read it wasnt a prop either!:-)

Again THANK YOU moms and dads, we are the luckiest people in the world and doing the hardest job of all.

Hope everyone is having a good sleep tonight!
♥ Ivana
 
« Last Edit: October 30, 2009, 19:53:25 pm by Maxmiliansmom »
Maxmilian was born 3rd of september 2009.

Offline *Jo*

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Re: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged
« Reply #47 on: November 17, 2009, 22:42:13 pm »
I want to encourage you all with my story, i spent hours in a darkened room patting and shhing, or rather patting and having white noise on, i would cry when he would cry and it was literally a nightmare, thigns started to get easier arouind 4 months old and just got better and better, now i have this wonderful little sleeper, i put him in his cot and he puts himself to sleep everytime, we know if something isnt right with him because if he fights us going to sleep (a very rare thing) we know its either, teething, illness or a routine tweak needed.





Offline huby

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Re: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged
« Reply #48 on: December 08, 2009, 13:20:30 pm »
hi
I've just got some help from a lovely woman called Brenda on this site on shhh pat. I was doing it so it became a prop for my 14 week baby, but am getting there so it's getting better and better without help from me.
I do a five min winddown now, and do all the shhh patting in the cot. Takes 10 mins max for her to close her eyes, then I leave her. If she wakes up I don't touch her - just say 'shhh, mummy is here' and she closes her eyes again.
I leave the room...she usually wakes after the five min jolt, but puts herself back to sleep again.
I am working on being able to leave her in the cot to fall asleep on her own....am a bit nervous about that bit, but then again, I never thought I'd get to the point where I wasn't shh patting in my arms and doing it in the cot only!
Keep at it ....it gets easier and easier.

Offline huby

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Re: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged
« Reply #49 on: December 17, 2009, 10:20:53 am »
I'm back...my LO thanks to two people on this site, Brenda and Anna and their advice is now sleeping totally independently in her cot. I can kiss her forehead and leave the room and she may grizzle for five mins, or may not, but ultimately always falls asleep on her own. It's amazing...I never thought it would happen, but what a great feeling.
It's very much about giving them less and less help while reassuring them you're there if and only if they really need you. They learn, and you learn, they can do it on their own. It took a couple of weeks with my four month baby, and it's brilliant now.

Offline Maxmiliansmom

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Re: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged
« Reply #50 on: December 17, 2009, 19:38:10 pm »
Huby I am soooo happy for you! I know the feeling, it feels unbelivable when it works:-) Its the same with my LO the only thing as we are moving on the 4 hours easy i gotta put him down at the right time and he ll close his eyes the minute i lay him down:-) its sooooo amazing! Now people when they see him fall asleep by himself say: WHAT A GOOD BABY, but I say: IT TAKES SO MUCH WORK FROM MAMA TO GET THERE they arent born like that unfortunatly:-) ;-)

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK EVERYONE!
Maxmilian was born 3rd of september 2009.

Offline huby

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Re: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged
« Reply #51 on: December 17, 2009, 21:46:34 pm »
Hey there Maxmilian's mum - it is great isn't it. I'm still sooooo happy about it, and still can't believe she can do it ...that I did it. My husband put her down for the night tonight and was amazed she just fell asleep - nothing needed. It's so great when it happens. And well done you too - and nooo way does it just happen on its own - it does take work, you're right.

Offline KatrienDB

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Re: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged
« Reply #52 on: December 28, 2009, 15:52:45 pm »
PU/LD, it works!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  After only 3 days of PU/LD, my 4-months-old daughter got rid of her paci (she woke up every time it fell out) AND FINALLY, stopped doing her 35-minutes-naps (i.e. ALL her daytime naps during the last 2 months).

So, if you are experiencing the same problems, there is a way out!! The sooner you start, the sooner it will all be so much more fun.

Good luck!!


A happy and relieved mum

Offline Maxmiliansmom

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Re: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged
« Reply #53 on: December 28, 2009, 17:45:02 pm »
PU/LD, it works!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  After only 3 days of PU/LD, my 4-months-old daughter got rid of her paci (she woke up every time it fell out) AND FINALLY, stopped doing her 35-minutes-naps (i.e. ALL her daytime naps during the last 2 months).

So, if you are experiencing the same problems, there is a way out!! The sooner you start, the sooner it will all be so much more fun.

Good luck!!


A happy and relieved mum

Ahhhh this is exactly what i needed to hear!! My LO is turning 4 months next week as he now is getting adicted to the paci i am concidering weaning him from it!
How many days did it take? We use the shh/pat method so ill use that to help me get there but what can i expect and what are the results now?
My LO is a great sleeper and naps great, but he is now getting disturbed by the paci whenver he goes through the light sleep he needs the paci to selfsooth back again...
Maxmilian was born 3rd of september 2009.

Offline nursemeg01

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Re: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged
« Reply #54 on: January 07, 2010, 14:19:33 pm »
I too say hang in there! Huby was a big help for me and I was SO frustrated. I tried BW from 2 weeks and thought--hey she's young she'll get this in no time because she doesn't have any habits to break. Boy was I wrong. I truly believe that you should just help them establish a routine for the 1st 8 weeks. Start a consistent sleep wind down routine but don't stress too much about them falling asleep independently. My LO cried every time I put her in the crib until around week 10 and then one day it just worked. What I did was to consistently do the same wind down routine---swaddle, white noise, lights off, and singing in her ear. I slowly decreased the amount of time that I held her and we slowly transitioned from singing a LONG time on me to brief wind down on me and then in the cot awake. She now fusses a bit with a mantra cry but she can fall asleep independently!. There are still good days and bad days but considering where I was a few weeks ago--we are MILES ahead. I still have frustrating moments (I think this is the joy of motherhood) but it is so much better than the CIO! I wanted to give up so many times but I'm glad that I didn't. One of my neurologist friends told me that they don't even have the memory capacity until 8 weeks---which might explain why it didn't really work for me until 10 weeks. But I think it's good practice for you to have the consistent wind down during this time, so keep going!

Every baby is different--my LO doesn't like the pat. never did as it is to OS for her. She just likes to be shushed and sang to. Just be consistent in the initial setting the stage and you could try different avenues of getting your LO to sleep (maybe patting is not their thing either). Please hang in there. I can't tell you how many times I cried, and wanted to give up. I was at one point convinced that nothing worked but it does get better---it's like one day they just 'get it!' good luck!

Offline clim.nz

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Re: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged
« Reply #55 on: January 17, 2010, 07:42:03 am »
I started pat/shh when my LO was 7 weeks old. I tried the pop in and out in the past to give reassurance, but it just made him cry harder and I really didnt want to do the CIO thing.   He was ok at night, but didnt nap at all in his cot during the day.  He constantly got tired from doing the school pick up/drop offs and so only slept in the car, buggy or on me.

I started during school holidays so my 4 year old son was at home with me (you dont want to know how many hours of TV he watched!).  I started pat/shh for all naps. I also had white noise in the background and permanently put up some sheets over the curtains to darken the room.  Some times I had to stay with him the whole time because he startled and jumped all of the time.  He gradually could sleep 30-45mins and then wake.  So we were still battling the over tired baby thing for 2 weeks.  He only had 2.5 hour cycles as I had to reduce his A time.  I continued to pat/shh until he fell asleep and got past the 10min jolt. 

I also got some helpful advice from people on this tread about LO being over tired.  I noticed he only has 1 hour of awake time to do E and A, it was even less towards the end of the day.  His tired signs started with flaying arms and legs.  If I waited until he yawned, he was over tired.  I also moved his bath time earlier and gave him an extra nap at 4.30pm even though it was always only 45mins. 

1 week latter I asked my DH to put LO down for his nap.  I told him what to do and to stay with him until he was asleep.  DH decided that he would leave after he was calm but awake.  Much to my surprise he settled himself to sleep.  And since then I do a 5 min wind down, swaddle him up, kiss him on the cheek and leave the room. He has managed to settle himself for all naps except the last evening sleep (around 7pm).  Not only that, he is also napping for up to 2.5 hours (x3) during the day and sleeping 7 hours at night, with one feed at 3pm and settling himself for sleep until about 7am.  I often hear him wake after 45mins with a few cries or talks to himself, but can then resettle for sleep!

LO is still a bit unsettled between 7.30pm and 9.00pm ie in a light fitful sleep and sometimes needs resettling.  But napping has improved so much I am amazed at how quickly it worked to LO.  The key for us is to be consistent and have faith that it will work. 

Hang in there - the reward for you and LO when they finally 'get it' is amazing.  I feel like I have a new baby!





Offline Inara

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Don't get too rigid
« Reply #56 on: January 30, 2010, 18:01:08 pm »
I've thought about this a while, and finally felt a need to post.  Maybe someone like me will read all of these posts, see mine, and it will help.  BW emphasizes that her books are guides which provide you with tools, but when it comes to doing it I feel many people forget the "guide" part and try to do EXACTLY what she says, to the letter, rather than using it as a tool to understand your individual baby.  I see it all the time in posts on the nap board, moms crying out in desperation because the formula doesn't work and they feel like failures.  My heart goes out to them;  I was there.   My daughter naps like a champ, now.  I used the BW principles, but I didn't do it just like it was written.  Things I learned:

1.  Spend the first 6 - 8 weeks just getting to know your LO.  If you can set your LO in the crib to sleep, great.  If it results in crying, then hold, rock, whatever.  It really won't ruin everything; your LO is too young to form permanent or difficult-to-break habits at that age.  The most desperate posts come from moms during this time period, so if you listen to nothing else I say, heed this: just let go a bit, just learn, don't worry so much about doing it "right", just give yourself time to adjust to parenthood and your LO time to adjust to life.  You'll cry a lot less.

2.  When they say use white noise, they mean hairdryer loud!  You'll go mad reproducing this with your lips.  Get a good white noise disc or machine and turn it UP.

3.  If your LO doesn't like something at first, try it again a week or so later.  Lots of LOs change their preferences as they develop.  My daughter disliked patting at first, but now firm pats on the butt work wonders.  Don't throw away your tools, just pack them for later.

4.  Pacifiers are a great sleep tool.  Transition to the thumb when your LO figures the thumb out, so your LO can self-soothe (I just nudged her elbow to put her fist in front of her mouth, and after a bit of fussing she'd take her thumb).  Worried about teeth or 8-year old thumb sucking?  Don't be.  It's normal and natural to suck the thumb, and it usually only becomes a big deal if you make it one (search thumb sucking and the American Dental Association if you don't believe me!).

5.  When training, don't put your LO in the crib too early in the falling asleep process.  So many are worried about setting down too late, that you do it too early (I did!).  When first training, I found it helped a lot to wait until she was just on the edge of sleep to put her down, and then over a two week period I'd set her down earlier and earlier.  Made the experience go much more smoothly.

6.  Use the clock as a GUIDE, not a rule.  Trying to make your LO sleep when they are "supposed to" is an exercise in frustration.  Trying to make your LO sleep the amount of time he/she is "supposed to" likewise.  Use your child's happiness as a key.  Woke up from a 45 minute nap happy and alert?  Don't try and extend just because she/he "ought" to have slept 1 hour 30 min.

One day you'll be struggling to get your child OUT of bed.  No matter what you do, the important thing is to love your child, foster trust, and enjoy this time in his/her life.  You don't get it back, so don't be so rigid, don't fret so much about doing everything right, and remember that you WILL figure this out.  Build some good memories along with a good sleeper. ;)

Offline Maxmiliansmom

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Re: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged
« Reply #57 on: January 30, 2010, 18:52:11 pm »
I've thought about this a while, and finally felt a need to post.  Maybe someone like me will read all of these posts, see mine, and it will help.  BW emphasizes that her books are guides which provide you with tools, but when it comes to doing it I feel many people forget the "guide" part and try to do EXACTLY what she says, to the letter, rather than using it as a tool to understand your individual baby.  I see it all the time in posts on the nap board, moms crying out in desperation because the formula doesn't work and they feel like failures.  My heart goes out to them;  I was there.   My daughter naps like a champ, now.  I used the BW principles, but I didn't do it just like it was written.  Things I learned:

1.  Spend the first 6 - 8 weeks just getting to know your LO.  If you can set your LO in the crib to sleep, great.  If it results in crying, then hold, rock, whatever.  It really won't ruin everything; your LO is too young to form permanent or difficult-to-break habits at that age.  The most desperate posts come from moms during this time period, so if you listen to nothing else I say, heed this: just let go a bit, just learn, don't worry so much about doing it "right", just give yourself time to adjust to parenthood and your LO time to adjust to life.  You'll cry a lot less.

2.  When they say use white noise, they mean hairdryer loud!  You'll go mad reproducing this with your lips.  Get a good white noise disc or machine and turn it UP.

3.  If your LO doesn't like something at first, try it again a week or so later.  Lots of LOs change their preferences as they develop.  My daughter disliked patting at first, but now firm pats on the butt work wonders.  Don't throw away your tools, just pack them for later.

4.  Pacifiers are a great sleep tool.  Transition to the thumb when your LO figures the thumb out, so your LO can self-soothe (I just nudged her elbow to put her fist in front of her mouth, and after a bit of fussing she'd take her thumb).  Worried about teeth or 8-year old thumb sucking?  Don't be.  It's normal and natural to suck the thumb, and it usually only becomes a big deal if you make it one (search thumb sucking and the American Dental Association if you don't believe me!).

5.  When training, don't put your LO in the crib too early in the falling asleep process.  So many are worried about setting down too late, that you do it too early (I did!).  When first training, I found it helped a lot to wait until she was just on the edge of sleep to put her down, and then over a two week period I'd set her down earlier and earlier.  Made the experience go much more smoothly.

6.  Use the clock as a GUIDE, not a rule.  Trying to make your LO sleep when they are "supposed to" is an exercise in frustration.  Trying to make your LO sleep the amount of time he/she is "supposed to" likewise.  Use your child's happiness as a key.  Woke up from a 45 minute nap happy and alert?  Don't try and extend just because she/he "ought" to have slept 1 hour 30 min.

One day you'll be struggling to get your child OUT of bed.  No matter what you do, the important thing is to love your child, foster trust, and enjoy this time in his/her life.  You don't get it back, so don't be so rigid, don't fret so much about doing everything right, and remember that you WILL figure this out.  Build some good memories along with a good sleeper. ;)

LOVE THIS! Should be a thread on its own:-)
Maxmilian was born 3rd of september 2009.

Offline B J

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Re: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged
« Reply #58 on: February 01, 2010, 00:49:37 am »
Thank you Inara for your words of encouragement.  In your advice #6 about BW being a GUIDE rings true for me.  For the last 2 months I have spent every nap in my 7 month old son's room trying to httj, W2S, and shush/pat to get him to take the "right" nap length.  I've struggled with short naps, trying to figure out if he was OT/UT and what the right A time is.  I have been so frustrated that I couldn't get him to take 1.5 hour naps without waking up early and having to try and extend his nap with mixed success.  

I am a very structured person by nature, so when his day wasn't working out as planned it would add to my stress.  Finally 3 days ago I decided I wouldn't go in his room during naps anymore and just let things be.  If his nap was short, I would just add another nap in the day or put him down early...and just stop worrying and obsessing about it!  Well, to my surprise, his naps the last 2 days have been great!  Yesterday he had naps of 1h 35 min and 55 min.  There was no need for a cat nap.  Today he had naps of 2 hours 10 min (I had to wake him up!) and 1 h 25 min.  No need for a cat nap to get him to bedtime.

Maybe the httj and W2S had worked and I just had to give him a chance to do it on his own?  Maybe by being in the room and holding his arms and patting him, I was making him not sleep as well?  Hopefully his great naps will continue, but I know there could be bumps along the way as he grows and his needs change.  But my new attitude is to just take things day by day and not be so hard on myself.  Instead of obsessing over his naps each day, I am going to enjoy the time that I get to spend with him each day.




Offline MommyAdamo

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Re: pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged
« Reply #59 on: June 30, 2010, 19:36:09 pm »
I've been doing shh/pat for a couple of weeks now...my LO is 5 months old this Sunday!  It WORKS!  It took me 2 weeks to get him to sleep in his crib for naps..and I mean longer than 40 mins.  I've also been doing W2S and I cannot tell you how great it is!  It's hard at times...for sure, but keep at it!  I promise it'll pay off in the end.  My DS had a 2 hour nap this morning and this afternoon, well, entirely different story.  After 40 mins, I had to shh/pat him for 20 mins.  He feel asleep (finally!) and he went another hour. 

Keep it going!!!!

Keep us posted!
~..Anita..~