Beyond Fed Up - 2 years 8months eating

[Mashi]

Karen that is fantastic!!! We definitely had nights like that as well -a bit of a freak-out on DS's part and then he made a decision on his own to try something.   It is a huge step .... don't expect it to always be like that, just as with everything else it will not "progress" in a linear fashion but it shows his maturity and beginning of acceptance that things are taking a new turn.

Trying to go with the "he gets what we're getting, no mentioning anything about it, etc." attitude.  Is that the right path to go down?

Definitely on the not mentioning part!  With the 'gets what we are getting' approach I think it depends on how you interpret that and everyone does differently.  I don't think it is helpful with a really picky eater with some control and emotional issues for that to be a matter of putting it on his plate and saying "tough, this is your meal" because for a lot of kids (and adults) they will just say "no, I'm not eating."  If you put a spicy Asian or Indian meal in front of me and told me that was dinner and there was nothing else, I would not eat it. I would not even try it. And you could put it in front of me every night for 6 months and I still would not eat it. I just do not like spicy foods, or curries, end of story.  However, if you put a few things on in the centre of the table, incl that spicy curry, but also a plate with some cold cut up vegetables, a basket of bread and butter and a tray of olives, then I would choose some vegetables and bread and I would eat.  I hate olives but after a month of seeing other people eat them I would be tempted to try one -- and have been many times, and have tried, maybe once every few years, but only because I am not pressured and no one is watching me. And I still hate them!   When I lived in Korea and every dish was spicy and included kimchi at every meal the pressure and encouragement was constant for me to try and I got upset all the time.  And I was 30 years old    

So I think if you take the attitude of the meal being all you are making, not a special meal for him, but that meal includes some things he will eat, and you put them on the table and allow him to choose which ones he wants, with no commenting or discussing it, it is sort of a same-same-but-different.  HTH?

[Truly Blessed]

Hi Hon,

I haven't read the whole thread but wanted to give some support as I know where you are coming from. DS Sam was a fantastic eater when he was younger and people used to marvel at how much he would put away   Anyway when this changed I went into panic mode and became a conveyor belt of food offerings  (it's so easy to fall into) and I did that for quite some time for fear of him being hungry. Then I knew something had to give. He is a really good weight and a sturdy little man so I took action. He always eats a good breakfast and hasn't eaten anything much at lunch time for a long time so (this may sound terrible) I cut his 'sit down lunch' out   he has rice cakes/crackers with a little bit of cheese/a piece of fruit..basically something light and then I don't allow him anything between the hours of 3 and 5pm. Then he is hungry at dinner time and he eats his meal   I was allowing him to graze through the afternoon so he wasn't hungry enough for his dinner before and I am happy now that he has 2 good meals a day. I stopped offering more than one savoury choice if he doesn't eat his meal then that's that. It was quite amusing when he started to realise there was nothing else coming..I would say 'Are you finished then Sam?' and he would look shocked and say 'No Mammy' and start to eat (most of the time) He started to eat his old favourites but he still doesn't have a huge appetite, however I figure if he says he's full then encouraging him to eat more is encouraging over eating which can't be good KWIM  

I also cut out sugar to a great extend, even the healthy stuff like his beloved dried fruit, because without a doubt those calories were filling him up. Now if he eats a decent amount of his proper meal then he gets 'A treat' when he's done and he has 'caught on' to this now.

WRT new foods: I put something that he hasn't tried before into one of the little compartments on his plate, and usually he will take it off the plate and put it on the table or his tray, which is fine as long at it doesn't go on the floor   however on occasion he will try something and o ::)once or twice eaten something new but sometimes after being offered it a dozen times.

Strangely enough he has tried most new foods whilst in the kitchen with me when I've been cooking..this week I ate a piece of raw carrot when making soup and he asked for some   then he ate 3 pieces and 2 pieces of raw turnip   I think this is because it was a totally non pressured situation. WRT the latter, when I put Sam's food down for him now I don't enter into any discussion, if he whines I ignore him and walk away and it's when I'm gone that he will start to eat it..go figure  . If I encourage him in the slightest it is the fastest way to it ending up on the floor.

I hope something amongst this rant can be helpful to you LOL   And if not just know you are not alone in this problem, there are thousands of us out there  . And BTW I think his variety of foods look pretty good to me, I think there are many out there who will be envious  Do you give him a multivitamin with omega 3  I do with Sam, it really takes the pressure off to know he is getting what he needs regardless of whether they've had a good day or bad.

(BIG HUGS)

Vicki.x.

[Katet]

So I think if you take the attitude of the meal being all you are making, not a special meal for him, but that meal includes some things he will eat, and you put them on the table and allow him to choose which ones he wants, with no commenting or discussing it, it is sort of a same-same-but-different.  HTH?

I agree, as an example, I make a stir fry for the family, but I know that the broccoli, capsicum & carrots won't be eaten & depending on the sauce it could be the whole meal, but the boys will eat soy marinated beef strips, egg noodles, beans, onion (small amount) & cauliflower, so I cook the meat, put that aside & keep warm, then cook the veg they will eat, put that aside, cook the rest of the veg & then serve them their parts & finish off the dish for DH & myself. Or for another meal I might cook the meat & Veg that DH & I are having & on DS2's place I will put the steak, one small potato (which DS2 won't eat) some cheese (because he needs encouragement for calcium) green beans & corn (while DH & I have steak, potatoes corn, broccoli, cauliflower & carrots) What ever DS2 eats he eats but if he wants more of something he has to have eaten most of the other things on his plate (ie 4/5 foods). When they were younger, a meal nearly always had chooped up fruit on the plate so I could get 5 things on the plate.

Also another thing to remember is their taste buds are far more sensitive than ours (like 100x I think) so food does taste stronger & different, so while a 2yo may eat broccoli, to a 3yo child (esp one who has a strong sense of smell) the 'taste' we no longer have the sensitivity for is really strong for them. I was chattin with my 90yo neighbour a while back & she was saying that when she brought her children up, children under 6 lived on bread & milk, a bit of meat & veg etc, but it was common place not to expect children to eat much variety until they started school her comment was "they didn't have the maturity of stomach to eat like parents did" but in reality it comes down to tastebuds being stronger... It is a worry if a child's whole diet is processed carbs like bread, pasta & pancakes, but if they eat about 25% the variety of adults then that isn't actually abnormal, more that we have the wrong idea of what is normal KWIM.

[Mom to M&M]

Thanks again guys!

After that good night Friday we've been in weekend mode (so I cook less LOL) but he did allow non-dairy tofu spread (he calls it cream cheese) on his bagel Sat morning and didn't get upset with it on his hands as usual (just wiped them a LOT), had grilled cheese (with goat cheese and on whole wheat bread) for the first time in a while last night, ate more of his meatballs again at lunch today happily and had his pizza (with soy cheese and chopped spinach) tonight. He usually eats the pizza well but often gets upset if certain pieces (he eats it cut up) don't look "right" and we weren't giving in on that tonight.

Sadly he has been refusing the roasted chickpeas all week - I don't want to lose those - a really good source of protein and veg for him!

[Truly Blessed]

Hi Karen,

Oh my goodness all those little 'foibles' of his sounds very familiar  Sam loves bananas but he doesn't like it if there is any of the thin strips of banana skin still on the banana after it's peeled IYNWIM  he says' UGH Mammy! Banana hair on!'  toddlers are so fussy. It sounds DS is doing really  well though  . WRT chickpeas, don't be suprised if he's just fed up of them right now but he will come back to them in time. Sam went off cheese for 4 months  then all of a sudden asked for it one day and has been eating it again ever since..go figure. Last night it took 45 minutes and 4 reheats before he ate his chicken spaghetti dish..in the old days I would have given him something else after 10 minutes but this way he learns nothing else is coming..and I knew that he has loved it in the past. When I have a little victory like that I feel like doing backflips..and wish I could  .

Do you ever let DS cook with you..sometimes when Sam sees exactly what's going into his food/helps to make it he eats better..just a thought.

Big Hugs..hang in there!! x.

[~*Nicole*~]

Sounds like he did pretty well overall. Aside from the chickpeas, he didn't give you much trouble. Hope it keeps picking up!

[Mom to M&M]

Thanks Nicole. Today was a wash - his normal (healthy) pancakes for breakfast, refused the strawberries. Most of a piece of challah french toast for lunch, refused the grapes. Cashew nuts for snack, and dinner was nitrate free cocktail franks, sweet potato fries and applesauce (I am feeling sick and wasn't up to cooking). In the past the hot dogs were one of his favorite and he'd happily scarf down up to six mini ones (probably the equivalent of 1.5 normal sized hot dogs). Tonight he'd literally only eat ONE tiny one and had all his sweet potato fries and maybe 1/4 his applesauce.

Not sure what the deal is with the chickpeas - hope they come back soon!

Problem is I'm at a bit of a loss for what to do next - in terms of what I might have a decent chance of him accepting. And I wish he'd use a spoon or fork himself for ANYTHING other than pasta (since he won't eat many things with his hands).

[Erin M]

I think if you over think it, you're only going to be disappointed - without pressure, the girls have tried things I never would have offered - like fish, mushrooms, can't think of what else.  Can you just do your "regular" family dinners (which I get are a bit varied due to food sensitivities) and add in something you know he'll eat?

[Katet]

I agree with Erin, the more it bothers you the more it will bother you KWIM.
I used to cook a big pot of pasta & then keep serves to heat up for the next night & froze some too, then I could always put one small serve of something I knew would get eaten at dinner. Remember (as is the case with my DS1) - it can take up to 500 exposures to a food before it is accepted!!... no the 6-10 that the "professionals" tell you.

[Mom to M&M]

I totally get what you are saying, Erin and Kate. But since we don't have many family dinners per se since the kids eat most nights before I'm hungry and before DH is home. He keeps wanting to hold grapes and blueberries but of course not eat/try one. He used to SCARF them down by the dozens!

Also wish he'd try using a fork again - I really think he'd be more willing to eat non-breaded chicken, egg, etc if he'd use a fork since he doesn't like how they feel on his fingers. Even lunch items I'd like to branch out on - and it's just him most days eating lunch (on non-nursery days) as I don't eat much then and DD is at school... What about frittata? Can that be made tasty non-dairy and is it something he might be more willing to try with his hands? Would calling it egg pizza be a stretch LOL?!

[Truly Blessed]

Hi Karen,

I honestly think this is just another 'phase' I completely empathise because I feel exactly the same so many times and I endeavour not to stress every time but usually fail    . However from the outside looking in it seems that DS is getting enough food onboard and I'm sure he will come back to the chickpeas and other things when he's ready. I think LO's get bored of foods the same way that we do. Just put new foods down with the old favourite (just a very small amount) and if he eats it then great, if he doesn't then maybe next time.  I try and remember that I was an EXTREMELY fussy child and when my Mam and Dad took me on holiday abroad I lived on hotdogs for 2 weeks  I literally refused everything else. But now I am a 'big girl' I'm doing really well  and eat so many things I wouldn't even look at at the age of 20! So it's not forever.

By the way: I would like to come to your house for dinner, you seem to make a great effort  .

Hugs.x.

[Mom to M&M]

Thanks hun - you're welcome any time! He just ate meatballs for lunch but is refusing the applesauce again even though he seems to want it - but only if I spoon feed it to him. Sigh. So yogurt and applesauce are basically gone now since he won't spoon feed them to himself.

[Truly Blessed]

This may be obvious Karen, but can you take him shopping to buy new kiddie cutlery to get him excited about it, and emphasise using it himself during the trip. New cutlery for Sam really encouraged him using it himself  he has several character/coloured sets and I let him choose which fork and spoon he wants to use at each meal (sometimes it takes a while , but it makes him happy  )

(X)

[Mom to M&M]

I've tried - he still doesn't care about the cutlery. I thought it would work BUT no.

Dinner is currently miserable though I'm not letting him know that. We are having tofu and cashew stir fry over brown rice and veggies tonight. DD eats it all but separate on the plate. I served DS a plate of one piece of broccoli, one green bean, one piece of tufu, cashew nuts and one broccoli  pancake. I was hoping he'd eat the broccoli pancake and/or the cashews - both of which he likes. But no - he's refusing the entire thing and whining about it while DD eats and I ignore him. UGH.

[Erin M]

Ugh.  Good job ignoring!  It's so hard to do!