1-0 no idea need help

[kaipooi]

Hmm... Nothing is really jumping out at me from what you have mentioned. Sighs... Is he an independent sleeper? I went back to your previous posts and saw that he has been NWing since October. When did the I-need-you NWs start?

[jessmum46]

Hun just letting you know we haven't abandoned you, we have our collective thinking caps on and will come back to you ASAP xx

[Aishi]

((Hugs)). How old is benji now?

With all the nws, short nights and taking ages to fall asleep I would say hes ot... an option  for today would be to do a cu nap and keep day to 13.5h max...do u know what a time he needs after a nap to go to sleep for bt? For my dd (almost 3) a 1.5h nap would mean 5.5h a to bt...

so for today I would do

Wu 4.45
Nap 11-1
Bt 6

Obviously that would vary a little depending on times he falls asleep for nap, length and a to bt....

and plan to go fwd (if u feel tany length nap is robbing from night sleep) would be to drop the nap ct but keep to 10-10.5h nnds even if that means 5 pm bt. Thats what I did. If he struggles after a few days (ew, nws) then I would add a cu nap after 3-4 nnds keeping to a 13h day if possible.

this isnt set in stone. Its an option for u to think about if it wod suit ur family life and benji of course. There are always options hon sotry not to panic (im saying this as I have a 4.5 yo who has been ew since he was a baby for various reasons!)

[Straffles]

Thank you everyone for your continued support.

Just on my phone so no time to answe all questions but...

I just need a plan for tomorrow.
Else I will be awake and anxious.

If he sleeps a third short night in a row with a new presumably that means the 45min nap is too long despite him being terribly tired after it but taking ages to settle at bt - 7.15 tonight.

Or does it mean he's ot from too short a nap?

I've waited a week as advised to find out. I still don't know.

If he wakes early and we presume ut, then there's no chance of a nnd. So what?

In fact, how do you get lo to a nnd if he's ew-ing?

Pkease if there's someone out there who knows you will save me a lot of anguish.

[Aishi]

I dont think its ut hon. After a 45 min nap and having short nights that are not getting any better I would assume ot Like I said in pp I would do a cu nap today and keep to a 13h day and go back to drawing board tom. If nnds are not an option with ew then I would do what Creations Suggested a while ago and have long nap (1.5-2h) with shorter nights (9-10) so

wu 6
Nap 12-1.30/2
Bt 8

[haribo89]

You sound like your in the same stage of the 1-0 that we are, expect we get later Bt refusal with a nap instead of early waking. Any nap length for my Lo 20min - 2hrs will mean a very short night.
My options were-
1) go to NNDs and stick with it and see how she tacks on.
2) have long naps and except the short nights.
For us 10pm bts were not for us so we are trying option 1 first and will see how we get on.
Hopefully this might be of some help to you, at least you know your not alone :-)

[Straffles]

I'm far too scared to do what you suggest Aishi as it's so far away from what I've been doing.

I'm in Australia so I've finished the day from the 4.45am WU.

It went like this:

Get up 6.20
Sleep 1.50-2.35
Bt asleep 7.20

So I'm asking about tomorrow...

You are saying you CAN'T go to NND from an EW, right?

But instead should go for a loooong nap? The last few times I offered an uncapped nap, he slept for 1hr20ish and did a short night, even though he didn't get to sleep til gone 8pm.

I don't think I would dare put him down for a nap at 11am as nap has been at 1.45 for a while now.

I'm really confused now. Are the options uncapped nap and late BT with EW or NND but no NND possible with EW?

What about a 30minute nap?

[Straffles]

Just re-reading advice...

If I cd get to a NND I would do it. But I can't do it from an EW otherwise BT wd be unreasonably early. I don't think we cd manage it before 5.30 at the earliest.

I would welcome a late night because it wd mean a later WU and tehrefore we cd get going on NNDs again. Although they didn't work the week before last, so...

[haribo89]

If you want to try NNDs you could give a long nap so your Lo goes late to bed and then hopefully wakes at a better time in the morning, that way he might catch up and you are set up for the next plan. It is all trial and error unfortunately but Something will work eventually.

[Aishi]

That day looks ok to me

Are they long nws? Chatty? Is he IS or is that what's causing nws cos he needs you?

I don't think a shorter nap is the way to go...he's already ot isn't he? I think as u said the options are long nap and shorter night (rather than looking at it as an ew look at the total sleep so long nap + NS ) or go Nnd. It is possible with an ew such as today. 6.20 is a ok wu. You could do ebt of 5  today and keep your fxd he tacks on.
 
With my dd any length of nap robbed night sleep and led to later bt and chatty long nws and ew. I went to Nnd and kept day length to 10.5- that got rid of bt shenanigans and nw.

eta I just saw your posts if you can't do ebt (10.5h day max) I would try the longer nap and shorter night hopefully leading to later wu...

Also just remembered that some Los actually do better with an earlier nap and longer a to bt to cut out bt shenanigans. I know some mums have shifted nap back from 1 to earlier and had a longer a to bt but not a longer day as such iykwim?

[jessmum46]

Thanks to everyone who has posted support and advice for Straffles .

Hun there is a lot of conflicting advice here and I know you will find that difficult.  Please know it is not that we are trying to make this harder for you, just that there are a lot of different options and different things will work for different LOs.

I thought it might help if I summarise a bit of what's been said and the various options:
- continue doing what you are doing for another week or so, or
- try an early long nap and accept the shorter nights, or
- a shorter nap, if you think the nap is robbing his night sleep, or
- cold turkey to NNDs, or
- uncapped nap, late BT then cold turkey to NNDs, or
- keep a 45 minute nap, but move it later in the day say 2/2.15pm with BT at the normal time. 

I think looking at his days at the moment he is overtired, and that may be why he is struggling to settle at bedtime.  Based on what we know, I don't think you are keen to move nap earlier or do a long nap, is that right?  I also feel that cold turkey NNDs may be a mistake right now, though it may not be far in the future (J was not napping at this age).  We wonder if the best option to try (and actually least different from what you are currently doing) would be keep the 45 minute nap but do it slightly later on in the day, with the hope that the shorter A before bed will make it easier for him to settle.

What do you think?

[Straffles]

I don't know what to do. I just don't know.

Bedtime shenanigans - he's asleep by 7.15/20 so that seems ok since bt was always 7.30 I only thought it was late if after 7.30?!

Nws are no different to normal nws he has never sttn. In fact his nights ae less wakeful than they've been all his life. It's the waking around 4.30 then not resettling that's new.

I don't know what is best to do.

I'm scared to do something dramatically different like early nap. I don't know about later 45 min because you say may rule out bt probs but do I have bt probs? I was going to cut to 30mins but Aishi says not if he's ot.

[Aishi]

Hon I would go by your gut. I wouldnt Cut to 30 min with my dd when shes ot cos o know it would make her worse...u know ur lo best

[jessmum46]

Sorry if we misunderstood - I took nearly an hour to settle at BT as an issue? Is that normal for Benji?

[Buttonbobs]

Fwiw I agree with Katherine. It is very difficult for any of us to say without a doubt what the problem is and how to solve it. I don't even know for sure with my own DD, but what we can do is say what has worked for us in similar circumstances.

It may be that Benji is OT as a result of this recent drop in his overall sleep in 24 hours. The reason for suggesting a move to a later nap but still called at 45 mins was because we know that earlier naps for Benji seem to lead to EWs. It may be that the NWs mean OT and so it seems worth trying keeping BT the same but bringing the nap later will hopefully stop the EWs (if they've been caused by the first A time being too short for him now) and hopefully prevent OT being present at BT because of the shorter A to bed.

It seems to me that Benji has always needed a longer first A and a shorter A before BT and moving the nap later is therefore the obvious step to try when working through the 1-0.

You say above in your recent post that Benji has always had these NWs. Has he always needed you during the NWs to get back to sleep, or has he ever been self-sufficient during the night?