Just - why? So frustrated!

[essexlemon]

Hugs Anna.

[anna*]

So when she wakes at night what should I do? Last night she woke up at about 1.30am. I left her shouting for 5 mins (Stan was in my bed) but she didn't settle herself and was getting quite upset. I went in and put her dummy in her hand (it was literally 2 inches from her hand but it is super dark in there??) and she immediately popped it in her mouth and went straight back to sleep.

On my way back to bed I realised I probably shouldn't have even put it in her hand but it is easy to forget in the middle of the night. I don't know if she can see to find it, yk?

At 4am she woke up and I immediately went in and fed her, I guess I should at least have given her a few minutes and/or seen if she would settle for a dummy.

I do need help with a plan. When Stan is in our bed it means either DH or I are on the couch which isn't particularly comfortable. I don't want to just sort of muddle along and not achieve anything (or, you know, try to) and then put Stan back in his bed with nothing changed.

The thing that scares me having Stan in our bed is that if she wakes up early in the morning, I don't have anywhere to bring her to.

[shivi]

in terms of the dummies - mine were addicts at this age for sleep (only) and had them on little nuk chains - two on their pyjamas each night.

Gosh Anna, I don't know what more you can do. I would have her in with me at this stage as well I would say, if it meant more sleep. So hard to know....

S x

[anna*]

So, open question. If you were me, now, and you could find the £, would you search out a 'sleep consultant'? If I can find one that is anti-CC/CIO (I know they exist). None of them offer money back guarantees though so there is always the risk that I'll end up blowing a wad of £ and be no better off in terms of sleep.

I so don't want to co-sleep. If I am having this much trouble now, the thought of having to get her to stay in her cot when she's 9/10/11 months just fills me with fear.

And I have to admit I feel bitter too. I've been doing the BW thing with her since birth, and yet here we are, still screwed.

[katie80]

Sorry, Anna. After I read through yesterday, I was under the impression you were going the co-sleeping route, so didn't reply.

TBH, I wouldn't pay for a sleep consultant.  You said earlier, and I completely agree, I'm not sure what he/she would have to offer that you either don't already know or can get from the boards here.  And yes, I doubt there is a money back guarantee. 

What I would do, is like you did last night, but without giving her the dummy.  I think you mentioned you already have something in there with lots of dummies attached to, or you could do the pj thing like Shiv mentioned, or I've heard of glow-in-the dark ones as well.  I'd be as strict and consistent as possible for at least a week. Start by guiding her hand and then do less and less each night, using your voice and telling her to get her paci and go back to sleep (or something like that ).  Make sure you go in only for an I need you cry and feed after 8 hrs, you know the drill. Or get rid of the dummy and do the same, but that's a slippery slope you may not want to go down.

I guess where I'm coming from is that I would want to be sure I'd done all I could to get her to do it on her own before I paid money for a consultant (which DH would never let me do, I'm pretty sure ) or co-slept. I really have nothing against co-sleeping, but I just could never do it.  I don't even like cuddling with DH, really, I need my space.

If, after a week (or two ), there's still no difference, then maybe go down one of the other routes and know that you've really done all that you can and she's just not wired to sleep through yet.  Unfortunately, I think there are some babies out there like that.

(((Hugs))), hon.  I don't know if this is feasible for you or if it's even what you're looking for, it's just what I think I would do in your situation.  What are her days looking like right now?

[clazzat]

I don't think I would pay for a sleep consultant either - I really can't think of any approaches that will come up with a magic solution that no one on the board has suggested, yk?

I totally get your not wanting to go down the co-sleeping route - that really does have to be something that works for your family before you open that can of worms.

I think that Katie is right - try to give her as little help as you possibly can and see if she can start to find her dummy herself and know to put it in her mouth when she needs it.

What has your best night looked like, and when was it?

[anna*]

What I would do, is like you did last night, but without giving her the dummy.

So do what? Just go in and put my hand on her back and wait until she (hopefully) finds the dummy herself? (I guess this is right)

I don't know if we can do this. I don't know if we can have Stan in my bed for a week (and how we would ever get him out again) so that she can cry and cry. I hate this! Ugh stupid baby.

I don't even like cuddling with DH, really, I need my space.

Exactly. Me too.

What are her days looking like right now?

Pretty variable. 3-3.5hrs A time. 2 naps - sometimes two crummy ones, or one crummy and one good, or two good - doesn't seem to affect the nights at all.

I don't think I would pay for a sleep consultant either - I really can't think of any approaches that will come up with a magic solution that no one on the board has suggested, yk?

I know, but I can't just do nothing. I can't effectively parent either child when I am this tired, i HAVE to DO something.

What has your best night looked like, and when was it?

I'm not sure because I don't really log NWs. I think it was two nights after her first cranial osteopathy session. She slept 6.30pm-7am and woke once at 4.30am for a feed. That was 3 weeks ago.

[clazzat]

Have you had more osteopathy sessions since? Do you think that could have had anything to do with it?

[katie80]

So do what? Just go in and put my hand on her back and wait until she (hopefully) finds the dummy herself? (I guess this is right)

Yes, that's what I'd do.

I don't know if we can do this. I don't know if we can have Stan in my bed for a week (and how we would ever get him out again) so that she can cry and cry. I hate this! Ugh stupid baby.

I know, sorry.  It really stinks having to do all this stuff with two kids, esp ones that share a room.  I wish I had a magical answer for you.

What has your best night looked like, and when was it?

I'm not sure because I don't really log NWs. I think it was two nights after her first cranial osteopathy session. She slept 6.30pm-7am and woke once at 4.30am for a feed. That was 3 weeks ago.

Hmmmm, do you think there's something to that? What did you go for?

If days don't affect the nights much, then I definitely think its either the dummy issue (she relies on you to find it for her) or something else that we just aren't seeing.  I get it, Anna, our nights suck right now too, because he's OT and got what feels like 40 teeth coming through and I'm so over it.  (((Hugs))) again, friend, I know it's not any fun.

[AJsMom]

We're having a similar issue with our 3month old. She was doing really well at about 2months. Slept thru from around 11pm til 4 or 5am then it all started to go wrong. She started waking at 2:30am so i fed her but then she was waking again around 5. Initially I thought she was hungry but after a few nights I started to think maybe she isn't so tried to settle her with her dummy. I then thought she had become dependent on her dummy and was waking when she came in to a light sleep ( my son also had this problem but he was a bit older ). Now she is pretty much unsettled between 2 and 5am when I eventually feed her ( she probably is hungry by then ). She then wakes again at 6-6:30am and I can usally settle her back to seep for a bit. This has been going on for around 3-4 weeks. She is also now waking up before her 11pm feed. She eats well, probably around 34oz with 4 oz of that at night. She's on the 50th percentile so is a good weight. I've been thinking maybe she is over tired as when my son had his dummy dependancy he settled easily once we gave it to him, where as she just fidgets for half the night. I hope I am doing the right thing to get her to hold out til 5 to feed her. Now I am trying to concentrate on her daytime naps to see if that makes any difference. I thought about taking the dummy away buy I know the SIDS guidance is to keep it for the first 6 months plus I'm not completely sure it's the problem.

[anna*]

We've had one more session a week after that first one, and another one booked for tomorrow. There was no good night after the second session though, so I'm not holding out a lot of hope.

[anna*]

I want to get rid of the dummy... I'm sure it's the problem, at least a big part of it... but don't know how to do that when she still wakes and cries. Maybe I have to start piercing them with a pin i.e. the 'bye bye pinkie' method so that she starts to just not want it.

Ugh. I don't know. I wish there was something I could pinpoint to blame it on. I just feel depressed and hopeless.

[clazzat]

There isn't any chance it could be teeth or something, is there? Have you tried giving her calpol at bedtime to see if that makes any difference?

[anna*]

No sign of any teething. We have given Calpol and Nurofen and it didn't make any difference. Admittedly the last time was a few weeks back because giving her meds is a huge performance and traumatic for her and me and literally a two person job. 

Oh I remember now she will take it in a little bottle of milk. But yes, last time it made absolutely no difference at all to her waking.

[clazzat]

Has any of this changed since she started solids? Could there be a food that upsets her? Any links that you can see? It took us ages to figure out that m would be up loads in the night if we gave her banana.