DISCLAIMER :
BEFORE YOU READ THIS - THIS IS MY OPINION on what seems to be a VERY CHRONIC 5am wake time among toddlers on these boards. What I did was very child centered and used sound BW tactics. I am in no way saying others are right or wrong - just posting what I have discovered after 2 months of dealing with the EXACT same problem that I have seen over and over here -
those pesky toddler 5am wakes. OK - to all the ladies AND myself I have one question - well maybe a few...
1. Do you notice HOW many kids in this age bracket seem to be having "sudden" sleep issues? TONS and TONS
2. Do yo see how many of us spend a LOT (too many for myself) hours on here trying to figure these problems out? same answer as #1
Do we have answers.....ARE there answers?
HISTORY: We had a FABULOUS sleeper. At 13 months, she started having "issues" (NW's, hard to fall asleep, habitual wakes), we needed the 2-1 nap switch and we did it. That was a transition as the name suggests and it worked itself out. We STUCK with it...and some days it seemed as if we might need to "go back". This has been at least 6 weeks - I have notes from January 11th that note our nap THEN was the SAME as it is today. Now with that set in place, we started to look ONE AT A TIME at other things.
1. Wake time. Is, always has been and happily is 6am - no changes needed.
2. Bedtime. A little late. We moved it to 7:30 (from 8pm) and still had NW's and EW's. We finally moved it to 7pm (it took 2 weeks to get there. It is still there. The earlier bedtime helped with the TRUE NW's (happening at 1 or 2am)
We had this schedule - it was sound, just needed to fix the NW's (and I know Tracy says fix day sleep before night.....I get that....and I dont think she mean splitting hairs over 10 minutes, rather make a good routine and go from there)
6am wake (give or take 15-20 mins)
11:30-2 nap
7 bedtime
I SCOURED the boards and if I did everything I read, I would have made her nap later, earlier, bed later, bed earlier, back to 2 naps, catnap and a long nap.......ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Instead of going nuts- I laid down some constants and started with the other stuff - that I needed to change.
1.
Any AP that was going on. I stopped all AP and did some Gradual Withdrawal to ease off of my intervention in her getting to sleep. I sat by her bed (used to get IN her crib and snuggle with her
)....Trust me -
bad I know
. I gradually withdrew the climbing in her crib - some nights I fell asleep in there! I withdrew by going in for a 2 minutes, 1 minute and then sitting by her bed and holding her hand, then no hand......you get the picture.
2. Per some posts,
I initiated some reassuring statements "Shhhhh, It's night night, you have your binky, your teddy and your blanky....go night night, I will see you when you wake up". I had stuff like this, but none that I would use when she DID have a NW. THIS was a GREAT tool in the end!!!!
3.
I watched and waited...and took notes. Mind you this all started somewhere about Chrstmas, I took notes starting Jan 11th and have them till now.
I noticed that we had some Early AM wakes, 4-5am and she wasnt resettling. The fiirst few times I thought she might be hungry...and it was at the start of the "issues" so I fed her. I figured it was an "odd wake" and whatever excuse I painted to maintain my "perfect sleeper"....when this became a pattern - sensibility checked in with me. I thought she couldn't be hungry, but boy oh boy she seemed to be when she woke, so I tested out a few things - note....NO CHANGES. I tanked her up with food - still woke. I gave her a DF (YES- a DF -and I saw what people said......) at varying times from 10-11 - still woke. I tried to catch her before she woke, I tried my "reassuring statements", I tried PD - she was NOT having it. I was feeding her back to sleep as a LAST resort at those wakes.
Soooo...I started sleeping in her room. I did the normal night routine and went in there at MY bedtime and slept with the cell phone to see the EXACT TIMES. In that time,when she did wake, I noted the times and I used the reassuring statements, I shhhhed her and at the end of my efforts(nothing worked), YES, I did feed her - I had to properly FINISH what I had started.
I needed to wean the feeds. I went back to a DF and lessened the "am feed". This convinced me that she could NOT be hungry. Finally as I dropped the DF - over the course of a few days - I saw a pattern in her wakes and did W2S for what I discovered had become a VERY HABITUAL 4:20 am wake. It is AMAZING what you learn on the floor versus guessing from your bedroom....when you are warm and comfy (note floor sleeps suck). Did I mention I work full time and have a DH who is a policeman and works he overnight?
. - in other words, I was on my own for this one.
Finally I had a problem, a pattern and a SOLUTION - and I did w2s - it worked. It was a 3:20 w2s, and she wasn't so close to her morning (6am)wake time that it would be to jolting....so
that was a success. After that, I noticed she started to wake anywhere from 5-5:15(it was almost one cycle after w2s. At this point, I thought "YES - this is the last 45 minutes - I can DO IT". I think I licked the 4:20 wake about Feb 14th for good.
Now I went back to my room and started think about this NEW wake - and I spent a lot of my life OBSESSING Over it, rereading BW books, scouring posts, making charts, graphs, lists....talking about it to anyone who would listen.....sound familiar to any of you?
When she woke at the 5ish wake, I would feed her - YES - I went back to it (I know, I know...). And of COURSE it worked!!!!!! She went back to sleep and woke happy as a lark at 6am. There were a few times when I tried a 4:15 w2s - but her sleep was so light, I really just made it worse.
ThenI went to a friends this past Tuesday and she said her daughter (16 mo) had JUST gone through this (see #1 from the START of this post) and they talked to the DR - they didn't need to feed her, so one night they buckled down and let her sort it out...NO - not cry - SORT it out.... she stopped the wakes and went back to her good sleeps. Well...ironically that night, I forgot her bottle as I left my friends house and did not give her her bedtime milk before the 2 hour drive home. I decided that I would give it as I took her from the car to the house and help her transition to bed. SOOOOOO...this was another sort of DF test - I fed her (out of necessity) at 10:30 pm and guess what folks - she still woke at 5:15!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and from my bed I made a horizontal decision
I went in to see if she was OK, not wet, doggie was not overboard and she was fine. I said my "reassuring statement" to her and shut her door, told her I'd see her when she woke up. I went to MY room, and MY bed and turned off the monitor and laid like a statue in my bed, listening, wondering and waiting....YOU KNOW WHAT......she yelled for a few minutes, I called my "reassuring statements" to her (my room isn't far) heard her mantra cries and the was quiet enough for me to go back to sleep....at 6 I heard her and I walked in and said a BIG HUGE "good morning"
to her. Now I DID worry and wonder if she'd be tired...did she sleep.......so I did (another) test. I gave her her AM bottle and tried to put her back to sleep - NO GO - she was awake!!!!
That day, she was Super happy, had her SAME nap and same bedtime.
Wednesday - same 5am wakes - same procedure as above....same results
Thursday - same as above, less fussing and same results.
Friday (today) - all on track so far
My call - it just takes time. My head spins when I read so many posts - like used to write - they are filled with SOOOOOOOOOO many variables, so many adjustments which is so funny cause Tracy's big thing is routine. I understand that we DO need to make changes, but when GOOD stuff is in place.....tweaking this and that to the point of insanity seems to wear moms out more than have success.
I firmly believe that this process was/is all about her getting USED to resettling herself as a TODDLER, who has a WHOLE new resume of abilities, when she woke up in the wee hours - it is the SAME THEME As all of the other posts...so we have to conclude that this IS somewhat developmental.My advice.
Pick a schedule, make sure it is reasonable and STICK WITH IT(make sure it is age appropriate and sound).
Address the issues that the parents can withdraw on and do that(honest look at AP).
Then address the wakes, by dealing with your own fears (hunger, teeth, wet
?)
and then make a plan to deal with what you WILL do. That was the turning point for me...stepping back and seeing if I could put it all together and let her take over. The plan was what what I would do....NOT what I would change!!!! There was a list in my mind that went from thing to thing that I would DO....and when w2s failed at 5:15, I did the next thing...it was a process of elimination, but you really cannot get there is you are continually changing the objects you are juggling. When I did something, it was like adding another ball to my routine.....less of a disruption, more of an addition.
I hope this makes sense.......it was 2 LONG months...as I said, I work full time....and she still wakes at 5 BUT needs no intervention...and I hope that will fade out (I get up at 5 to get ready for work), but if it does not, she has no bad habits and I have reduced stress since the ownership is on her after 2 months of good teaching. She is a toddler, learning to talk and do a world of other things.....I swear it is developmental
Hope it helps...if it doesn't - go back to BWSAYP and read page 390 "Alignment of the Planets".
Sleepy nights, happy mommies and toddlers to all of you.....if this all backfires on me....I will post that too. It is a work in progress....but aren't we all.
Stacey
UPDATE on MARCH 3rd - so you do not have to read in deep to see if this worked - it is still a success from February 20th (I think ). We have actually had a few nights where she does not even stir at 5am!!!! In this time, we have had a cold and shots - so I had two good excuses to do AP and DID NOT!!!!!!!!! I have shared my story with a few local friends who ALL have the same early wake issue (my SIL is one of them) and they ALLLLLLLLL have a reason cold, shots, trip or a bird outside the window - you get the picture. My SIL also told me that her email from Baby Center said that LO's get nightmares at this age....so guess what she will be telling me causes her LO's up and coming NW's........sigh.
Update on MArch 8th - In discussion, realized that PuPD and WiWo are great tools, but are not super effective at this early wake AFTER sleep. The LO's are being told to lie down - and in thier minds they ave already slept and now are awake.....there is a disconnect. Those 2 techniques seem great when the LO wont sleep or lie down. Just something to consider. I think whatever you have been doing for AP is your meal ticket out, wean the AP and replace it with something the LO can do on thier own. We are 2 weeks and 2 days in and have had great success. NOt one feed since we said no more. We have had some 5am wakes and she settles most of the time, sometimes talks through the hour......4-5 times she slept PAST the wake
and woke at 6 - PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!! Yesdterday am I was SOOOOO tempted to do the botte - it is SOOOOOOO hard, I stood there and the damned thought entered my mind, the doubt....maybe THIS time she really is hungry, Tracy said a hungry cry has a "cough" to it - did she just cough?
YOu get it - BTDT....uh huh. Tomorrow is another day. We have had some night where she has slept through that I had also been in her room at 4am and done a w2s of sorts and on those nights she also slept past the 5......I have never been consistant with the w2s for three nights, but I may try tonight....now that we have really gotten to a good place.
Update on April 19th - We are experiencing some SA and the "calming and reassutring phreases" have been VERY helpful. LAst night I laid on her floor and repeated them with the addition of "mommy's here" and we got throught the NW that makes her wake up and SIT UP....and she is generally sad....a new kind of wake - yet still a wake. I am not minimizing her need, going in to her but approaching the wake with a focus of what I want it to end like...and NOT get caught up in AP as I did before.
Have a sleepy night!!!!
This can work. Determine what you want to get out of it and what you are willing to invest..........PM me....it's GO TIME!
