Cold turkey to 1 nap - OT disaster - & now resisting 2 naps aarrrgggghhhh!!!

[clairebear79]

I take it you will stick with 4.15 first thing for a few more days and then up it if you aren't getting a CN?

Absolutely the plan.  We said 3 days before upping to 4.5hrs didn't we?  And if no CN then up to 4.5hrs immediately & keep it there for a good 5 days.

Ugh he's crying now (9pm).  Not good. 

[Shiv52]

UGH!  Hope he settles xx

Is he totally better Claire? When is allowed back to nursery?  I think it is so weird how they ban kids for so long when they caught it there in the first place!

[clairebear79]

He seems better.  He can go back to nursery when the blisters are gone so I'm hoping next week.

He's really crying now, I'm going to have to go.  I think its OT.

[Truly Blessed]

FX'd he settles quickly Honey.x.

[clairebear79]

Hi ladies.  Took around 10mins & lots of cuddles to calm him & settle him back to sleep last night.  I'm sure it was an OT waking.  He woke briefly at 4.40am then up for the day at 5.20am.  He is already fussing, head shaking & rubbing his eyes.  4h 15min A time puts us at 9.35am for his nap.  Too early to last all day on just one nap, so a CN is inevitable.

Ladies yesterday his nap was at 11am, today it will be 9.35am.  With this much variability in the timing of his WU's & therefore his naps, how am I ever going to get his bodyclock used to napping at a certain nap time???

ETA: I am beyond help ladies.  I can't do this. 

[Shiv52]

At the minute you are trying to get his body used to napping after certain A times not a certain time of the day.  So do 4.15 A time then nap.  Even if he sleeps 2 hours he'll be up at 11.30 which is plenty of time for 4.15 A time again (at least) then CN then bed at 7pm.

You can do this.  Do you think you need to stick to 2 naps for a while and not alternate?  I had thought thats what the plan was?  So yesterday maybe he should have been woken at 1.5 hours to allow for a CN.  And not aim for 1 nap days until he's at least 4.45 A time?

[clairebear79]

Hi ladies.

Yesterday went totally awry.  I PD for 4h 15 A time, he settled well but woke after just 45mins.  He'd done a PP (pesky poo  .  I couldn't get him resettled.  I am 99% sure this was not an UT nap b/c he'd done a short night & he most definitely seemed tired, its just that once I go in the room nap is well & truly over, no matter what.  He did a 1.5hr PM nap & BT was 7.10pm - up again today at 5.20am.  Night sleep = 10h 10mins.  Siigh.  As soon as I push his A times his nights have shortened loads.  Last week with the 2 naps we got 11.5hrs nights & 6.30am WU's.  I still can't help thinking he is just plain old OT from being pushed too much.  Regardless, I plan to do 4h 15min A time again today & am hopeful we won't have the PP issue (as he's already been this morning).

Shiv - wrt to sticking to 2 naps or alternating, I was planning to do 2 naps every day but grandma got such a great nap from him the other day that there wasn't time to do the CN.  I think I'd planned to cap nap at 1.5hrs while A time was 4hrs but let him sleep once A time was longer, but I think you may be right I need to cap the nap at 1.5hrs until his A time is 4.75hrs.  I am very scared though that he may refuse a CN & then we've capped his day sleep & got a very long A time to BT IYSWIM?

[clairebear79]

Ladies I need some help here please.  The 4h 15min A has not gone well at all & I am feeling at an all time low.

Yesterday went:
Wake: 5.20
Nap:  9.40 - 10.10  (PD at 9.25am, asleep 9.40am, woke crying at 30mins.  Tried to resettle him & got screams.  Eventually gave in & got him up & I cried.   )
Nap:  1.35 - 3.05  (PD 1.10 & he screamed, so got him back up & PD at 1.30, STS at 1.35.  Woke at 40mins, 1h 1h 15 & I woke him from nap at 1.5hrs much as I didn't want to.I realise now I probably put him down way too late for a 2nd nap yest as the first time I PD he screamed & I thought he wasnt ready.)
BT:   7.00pm


Today - awake 5am.  10hrs sleep.  I spent the first hour of my birthday laying in bed sobbing.      DH was almost in tears too b/c he is just fed up of us all being tired & miserable.  I just really don't know what to do b/c this just seems to be making him MORE and MORE and MORE OT.  This is the 3rd day of 10hrs sleep & crappy naps.  10hrs sleep is really abysmal for Oliver - he's only had 12hrs sleep in 24 & that is on the low side.  He is tired this morning, looks dreadful & is incredibly fussy & whiny.  4.5hrs A is going to put us at 9.30am for a nap again today.  I feel like things are just going backwards.  Every single time I push his A times this is what happens.  Maybe we are ALL wrong & he does need shorter A's & I am just missing his cues.  I don't know what to think any more. 

[Roseii]

((hugs)) sweetie and happy birthday

Listen Hun please don't feel like any of us here are "telling" you what to do and we'll be angry if you don't! What do YOU think feels right? If you didn't have any of us to ask, what would your gut tell you to do?

Xxx

[Shiv52]

{{{hugs}}}

Happy Birthday!!

I think hun if I were you I would totally take a break from A times.  Totally step back from it.  Follow your gut for a week.  Don't time anything.  Just live.  I remember another mummy on here getting herself into a state about routine and her DH actually sitting her down and saying 'this baby is not a robot, you cannot programme him with A times' and that really stuck with me.   Its not worth it hun if you are crying on your birthday over sleep.   I think just follow your gut and stick O down when you think he needs to sleep.  Keep a rough note of when he sleeps but do not calculate A times until a week is up.  Just use his form and demeanour to help you decide when to let him sleep and maybe that'll give you some clarity as to what is working for him?   

He's a tough kiddo as what works for him one day doesn't necessarily work the next so its really tough. 

[ZacsMumme]

Claire I just want to post some (HUGS) for you - I know this is not the couch but I also know how hard you try to do what is best for O and that he is tricky with sleep and it is NOT worth feeling this rotten about. You will end up missing out on the good stuff. I totally agree with Charli and Shiv, just let it all go for a week, let DH do some naps over the weekend so you get a break from the sleep part of routine. Ignore those bags you think you see under O's eyes as you will only focus more on them, instead play with him during his A's give him lots of cuddles and have some early BTs with a book or snuggled in with DH. I have been where you are sweetie and there is a point where you gotta let go and just go with the flow.
O will be okay....

After a week, and once you feel a bit better you may even see something new that just pops out and makes all this sleep mess a little less hard

[clairebear79]

Ladies - I really don't know what to do for the best.  I am so so confused.    

I truly know the real root of all our problems is MY inconsistency with him, but I don't know how to sort it out when I don't have any real handle on what his A times are.  I'm not sure if 4hrs+ is too long or way too short & I'm not sure if he needs 1 or 2 naps.  My gut says 2 but I feel like we are just prolonging the agony as he's well & truly headed towards 1.  All I do know is that he is TIRED.  And so am I.    

I agree I probably do need to take a step back & watch him & see if he can show me the way.  B/c I spend FAR too much time fretting over his sleep & its making me feel very stressed & quite honestly I can feel I am slipping back into PPD.  I am totally lacking any confidence in what I am doing these days & I am so worried that whatever I do (with the best of intentions of course) it just makes things worse. 

I am worried if I 'go with the flow' we will just carry on as we are with inconsistent & rubbish naps b/c I am getting the timing wrong all the time, although I think half the trouble is that I am constantly clock watching & worried about fitting it into the day rather than watching him & when HE needs to sleep. 

He has pretty much cried all morning today & was rubbing his eyes at 8.40am, & then again at 8.50 so I took him up to bed b/c quite honestly, I'd had enough of the crying.  Asleep at 9.03am. 4hrs A. 

So if I do what you suggest Shiv, - do I just let him sleep as long as he wants/needs at one or both naps  

I am so scared of falling back into the early wake, early nap, early bed cycle again & if I let him sleep as long as he wants in the AM, he will use this nap to catch up on his night sleep & continue to EW.  Or should I not worry about that with 4hrs A in the AM?

[Hedgehog17]

Many *HUGS* Claire!

It's no wonder you are tired - please take a break and see if DH can deal with O this w/e

I am so scared of falling back into the early wake, early nap, early bed cycle again & if I let him sleep as long as he wants in the AM, he will use this nap to catch up on his night sleep & continue to EW.  Or should I not worry about that with 4hrs A in the AM?

I'd say yes! He's still EW anyway, so if Tracey is right, he'll sleep more at night if he's slept better in the day It's worth a try. 

[Shiv52]

although I think half the trouble is that I am constantly clock watching & worried about fitting it into the day rather than watching him & when HE needs to sleep.

Honestly hun i think you need to let this go.  I do think that is the problem half the time as you are capping naps before they are restorative or putting him to bed before he's ready because you are trying to fit it into the day.   

So if I do what you suggest Shiv, - do I just let him sleep as long as he wants/needs at one or both naps

Personally i would allow as much day sleep as you can get out of him with it getting silly.  Let him sleep as long as he will and then give him a good A time to bed.  Even if bedtime ends up at 8pm that would be fine with me because at least it will push the EW out a bit.   Obviously you want want him sleeping past a certain point in the evening. 

I wonder though if he does need the longer A times to sleep well but needs good naps to cope with the longer A times long term? 

[Truly Blessed]

Hi Sweetheart,

I want to say 'Happy Birthday' but bless you it doesn't seem to be so far  . I haven't PM'd you because I want the Ladies to also see my thinking:

As I've been with you for months now I know that Oliver has been here before. You allow him to catch up, he has a few days feeling a little better then you're right back in the mess. I can't help but think that every time you and Oliver get to this stage he is so unhappy that you are forced into going back. The one thing you haven't tried is to push through after getting to this stage. I can't help but wonder if he needs to go a little further for his body to surrender and finally take the sleep he needs   If I was to make any change I would stick to the A times but allow him a longer am nap of 2 hours to help him catch up and try and counteract the OT

Do you wonder the same thing Hon   Ladies: Could I be right about this or way off  

You were advised that it has taken other LO's 4 weeks of extreme OT to finally get with the routine. It hasn't been that long yet, so what if you are once again stopping shortly before it's going to work. Then the last fortnight you've commited to trying to make it work and Oliver getting those A times into his head has been for nothing.

I'm sorry what I'm saying here is contradictory Darling. Like I say it's just because we've been writing for so long and I see everything coming full circle time and time again. I desperately feel for you and DH and of course Oliver. I feel he is desperate for consistency and the only way he's ever going to get it is to push through. You are so commited Claire, you're amazing, I would have had a nervous breakdown by now...you can rest assured you have tried everything else to no avail. I honestly don't think you're missing anything by observing Oliver. I think he is a gorgeous but tricky baby who was always going to be harder to get on a routine than most.

Big Hugs to you Honey..and Oliver.xxx.