March/April Thread #3

[Nikki~Nathan&Danielle]

Judy, I lurk on MDC - some of those boards are just darn scary!  I really like what I read most of the time and just read and learn.   I followed a little of the TCS thread and it was the first time I'd come across that concept and boy was it a real....ummm....lightbulb moment really, it was a challenge to what I had been doing (aka coersion) and I liked the idea of not trying to make Nathan conform to what *I* wanted, because he was a little human who actually did have a right to decide on stuff (but I really struggle with this and do still coerce sometimes :? ).  But yes, I agree about TCS, I checked out something about the carseats and whoa!! some people would just take their kids in the car without strapping them in because that's what they wanted???  I can see how it works: you find another alternative, bus, don't go out etc, but in reality that ain't gonna happen.  TCS is really quite extreme in my mind, but I liked that it made me see things from an angle I would never to have thought to.  Sometimes I will actually ask Nathan if he wants a bath say, and now he might say no, and I'm cool with that, whereas in the past I might have been: heck no, you're having a bath, because that's what we do - well when I ask myself *why?* should he have a bath, well it's only about me controlling him, not some real life threatening need.  And he will actually remember that and then the next night be fine about wanting to bath again since he's been able to do a little bit of his own decision making. 

So Erin, in response to your question, I just read a bunch of stuff on other websites which don't involve the punitive route, I don't believe in smacking (spanking), time outs just don't really cut it (tried it and ditched the idea) otherwise Nathan would live in TO if you crack down on every little thing (read: me controlling him), I have found other effective methods for hitting/kicking me or Danielle (he's not aggressive by nature).  Most of my info has come from the discipline forum here on BW.  I've found it's a forever changing thing though and also as Nathan gets older and I alter my methods.  I don't always get it right and we have some real doozy days, but the days I find myself yelling and him yelling - if I step back, it's *usually* all about me and how I'm handling the situation.  For example, it does take a lot though to get over the fact that things being dumped on the floor constantly doesn't actually matter, yes drives me nuts (and I think that's my problem, I still inherently believe it's wrong perhaps???) but I keep my mouth shut mostly.

Phew. 

[Little Bear's Mum]

Nikki/Judy - what are the boards you're talking about? Where can they be found? I'm interested in what different concepts there are out there for discipline. I've seen a lot of the 'nanny' programmes they've been running and it seems to make sense but who knows if it really works in practice. I"d like to be prepared with some ideas for later... IYKWIM.

Traci - Well done with Cole's last nap. Sounds like progress to me.

[Jayri]

hey girls, I have missed you.
Thank you to michelle(ABsweetpea) and Kate for your lovely cards.
Thing have been getting harder and harder in our home a night. Jay is good, getting worn out being at daycare. Riley on the other hand has been having issues with seperation from me coupled with the possibility of teeth coming in.
She now takes anywhere from 1/2hr - last night, to 2 1/2 hrs to pd. By this I mean almost nonstop screaming.
BUT, we do have progress, sun and mon, she wouldn't go to sleep unless on the boob, last night she went in my arms, and tonight I tried laying next to her on my bed, but she wanted to roll until her head was on my arm. So I think she is slowly weaning off of needeing me to sleep.
Work is good, I am to be on the phones taking calls on monday, I am getting nervous as I will be dealing with peoples travel reservations, and I am scared of screwing it all up. I will get there tho, help is never far away...or so they tell us....lol
I was wondering, would you all mind if I mailed you all your cards, since they are all done and put pics up here of the kids for you all. Time seems to be slipping thru my fingers. Let me know and I will get them in the mail by friday, sorry they are late!!!!!!
BTW hannah, thank you for wondering where I was, perked up my day when I read that this morning. How is it all going for you!!!!!
I hope that come by christmas, next week can you believe, I will have more time to read and come here more often.
Thanks for being so awesome girls......

[Nikki~Nathan&Danielle]

Hey, Naomi, glad to hear things with Ri are improving. 

Hayley, I personally have *issues* with supernanny and her naughty chair LOL.  That is the style of parenting I probably started with (minus the naughty stool though) and it just doesn't sit right with me anymore.  I do like the fact that all those programmes do try and give strategies other than smacking and yelling.  There isn't necessarily anything wrong with parenting like Supernanny advises, I've just found other ways that empower children to problem solve and help work on the end result (ie an well functioning adult) through means other than you do as I say kwim?  Check out the Socialisation/Discipline forum here, and on http://www.mothering.com look at the Gentle Discipline forum.  Just read and you'll start to form an idea of what you want to do.  I have the BW Toddler book that gives some good starts, but once again, I'm moving away from that a little. 

HTH

Sorry, not much help there.

[Judy]

I have to ditto Nikki's reply.  I too started out with very much the same parenting style.  I too now find Supernanny to honestly, turn my stomach.  Way too militant.  Honestly I started to veer from it as I started to consider how I might feel if someone dealt with me/spoke to me like that (or like I was to my own dd). 

From there I moved on to Love & Logic but even that became too manipulative - big on timeouts, implemented when a child's behaviour couldn't be controlled by the parent.  Really not a whole lot different than smacking just gentler.  I then happened across a book called Unconditional Parenting which I've really taken to.  It's board though, as I said was somewhat taken over by TCS (taking children seriously) people who are waaay off in the other extreme.  They wouldn't coerce their child to do anything and honestly I'm just at a mental loss as to how to accomplish certain things without some level of coercion (although limiting it as much as possible is a goal I strive for)

I'm sorry I'm not explaining very well or being very clear... kinda tired tonight and my brain is mushy.

[Jayri]

just a quick post on the topic of nany reality shows, has anyone seen nanny 911, I personally prefer to watch that as it tends to focus as a whole what the problem is, like the family and not just the child and also how it makes the children accountable for what they do and to encourage good work and effort in the children they show.
k.....I will pop on in the morning to "see" and will hopefully have time to post and say hi tomorrow night.
Let me know about the pic thing girls......

[kate585]

Hey, girls!  Hope you are all doing well.  I have been boppin' around the site checking out some other threads.  (Do you feel like I've been cheating?   :lol: )  In light of our conversation a few weeks ago, I thought some of you might like to see this thread:
http://www.babywhisperer.com/forum/1-vt47549.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0
It's about all the hard parts of motherhood.  Really a long vent session, but somewhat good to read and to feel normal about some of the same emotions (boredom, resentment, anger at dh, etc.)

[sophieandhannah]

Good to see you back naomi.  I actually started worrying about you a little on my drive home from work tonight:)  (You know you're addicted to the bw site when...) 
Keeping up but no time to post.  Talk to y'all soon.
Hannah
Yeah Kate...WTF??  If you are going to be freinds with those posters, I'm not gonna be your friend anymore   :wink:

[Judy]

Great to 'see' you Naomi.

[Arwyn's mom]

Hello girlies,

I started reading about 10 pages back and my email kept dinging that there were new posts... :oops: I haven't had a chance to get on here much lately.

Roz... the people for the open house are friends and DH's co-workers. These are only the people who made it... I had over 10 families not make it. I just don't know who I can "un-invite" as this is an annual thing, KWIM?

I received some cards... Thanks Kate, Michelle and Roz! I love getting mail that aren't bills. :roll: Funny... I expected Micky's card first as it was the first one mentioned and she only lives "next door" but I love not having it cuz it means more mail!! (Sad life I lead, eh?)

Naomi and Hannah... glad work is going well for both of you.

Hannah... no duct tape here but I hear licking an icy pole during recess solves the talking problem :wink: .

Traci, hang in there with the sleeps and congrats on the moderator status. I wondered when you would become one. You are very well suited to the job.

You wanted to know about A times. Arwyn is a 6:30-6:30 girl.
6:30 wake
7 BF
8 Solids
9 nap (1hr - 1.25 hr)
11 BF
12 Solids
1 nap (1.25 hr - 1.75 hr)
3 BF
5 Solids
5:30 Bath
6:00 - 6:20 BF
6:30 Sleep

She is usually a mess by 5:30 as we have no catnap here. We are nursing right before bed as well. Sometimes she falls asleep, sometimes she doesn't. Until we have a longer second nap that goes later in the day (currently ends at 2:30 ish), I don't know how to tweak her schedule. I am considering dropping her 11 am BF as she doesn't take very much then. HTH

Cathy... sorry to hear about your Great Grandma  :cry: How sad that people ignored her when she asked for help. How could people be so apathetic that they ignore an elderly lady in distress? So heartwrenching.

Oh... sleep. I get some but only in 2 hour ish chunks. I no longer do a true DF and let her wake for it (I also read and considered Weissbluth's rationale). She wakes between 2:30 and 4. Don't know why she wakes but I know she can drop this on her own. She did it a couple of weeks back 2 nights in a row. I would really appreciate that right now... I can handle the wakings before I go to sleep but the 2 hour chunks of sleep are killing me!

If Arwyn cries in the night, I feed at the first waking. Then pu/pd for the other wakings. It is hit and miss for how long it takes me. Sometimes I "catch" her before she is fully awake and it is a breeze. Sometimes I wait to see if she can settle herself and she wakes too much and then it is a LONG time :roll: . I am really tempted to try the count to 100 thing but I am scared it will turn into a marathon pu/pd session.

Days are great over here though. Naps are going well. She allows me to extend them (I cheat and hold her back to sleep cuz I love it and it only takes me 3 or 4 minutes) but most of the time, she does the whole nap on her own. This alone, has made up for the miserable nights (almost :wink: ). I also love that she is so curious now. I spend all day watching her as she gets into everything but I love it. Yes, the house is a mess, the laundry is piling up and I am extremely lazy about getting dinners on the table (my average is getting dinner on the table about once a week). My DH and I just kind of make do with what is in the fridge... currently, it is leftovers from the open house and a few individual pasta casseroles I've made. I just have been feeling like I don't want to miss a minute of her discovery. It is very selfish of me, I know... but I just love watching her.

Thanks for the BFing rhyme, Hayley. I love it... and it is a beautiful reminder to cherish what is important.

Okay, this post is long enough... I promise to get on here more often!

[mickymuscles]

hi girls!
kate...i feel used!  :cry:    :lol:

We had a visit to santa today.  Jack did really well.  After my big long post I went back and read it...it sounded like I was trying to type so fast before I forgot everything.  So very conscise and to the point.  I didn't seem to elaborate on very many of my points....oh well.  That's what I get for having swiss cheese for abrain.  I use to pride myself on having such a good memory!  LOL about it now!!!  :lol:

Anyways....I got Jack to take a caatnap today but I fell asleep at the same time and he ended up sleeping way too long!!!  He should have been up from his nap around 5:30-5:45pm.  he ended up waking up (and me) at 6:30!!!!  :shock:   Needless to say I had a hard time getting him down for the night.  hopefully he'll have a good night tonight!!  :roll:   Oh well, my own fault. :roll:

[mickymuscles]

ankie...we posted at the same time.  hmmmm makes me wonder where your card went!!!  I posted them so long ago it should have made it to you by now.     i hope it's not lost.

[Nikki~Nathan&Danielle]

Well we went and "looked" at Santa down at the mall today, Nathan gave him a little wave, but when he waved him over he screamed and clung to me!  :roll:  :lol:

Well Danielle's finally remembered that she CAN roll from her back to tummy (for a few weeks she stopped doing it), but she's never bothered to figure out rolling back. SOOO, now she's also realised she can roll in bed and for her nap got herself stuck after mucking around in there for 20mins, so a quick flip over and off to the land of nod she went.  Anyway, at bed tonight, she flipped straight onto her tummy and went to sleep, so will be interesting to see what happens later on. :? Here's hoping for another sleep through tonight.

[james030405]

HI ladies,

How come when you have two men in your life (DH & DS) that one can make you feel happy and great and the other can make you want to cry :cry:  :roll:

I have had a great day with James (DS) all naps and at bedtime he went down without a fuss.  We had loads of fun playing etc.

DH comes home in a foul mood  :evil: but eventually gets better, but then complains becasue I don't want to have sex :oops: Is this too personal for this page?  I hope not, I;m sitting here reading the relationship forum and i realise I have a fantastic DH, but sometimes.............. :oops:  :evil:  :cry:  :?

Anyway, enough of me, had better go to bed.  Hope everyone has a better day/night. 

sorry for getting too personal - I feel a little embarrassed  :oops: now that I have written it.  Should I post.....oh well, what are friends for.

Chat soon

Love Lisa
mum to James my textbook/spirited koala

[Carter'sMama]

Good morning!!!  It is snowing like CRAZY here!  I think we already have 4 inches and it isn't going to stop until late afternoon.  Unfortunately for me I have to go out for an appt at 4:00pm.  I hope the plows have been out by then.  Windsor is really bad about getting the plows going.  It is like they are in denial about the fact that yes, they do get snow!!  I have to go see my boss at 4 about when I am coming back etc.  Plus my cat needs his vacc.  I am hoping to negotiate a big raise  :lol: ... but we'll see!

We had a good night here which I was surprised about.  DH had to get up at 5:00am to leave for work (business trip to Ohio) and Carter didn't even wake up which is amazing.  I hope his drive is ok considering all this snow.

Ankie:  I know what you mean about enjoying the cuddling etc when they are sleeping.  Carter has never been one to fall asleep on me or DH but lately right before I put him in his crib he will burrow into my neck and hug me ....  so priceless!!  I LOVE it!!!  It won't be long before they don't even want to be seen with us  :cry:

Micky:  Love the picture with Santa!!!

Nikki:  Carter also seems to have forgotten about rolling!  He will go back to tummy but not the other way around!  Weird ...

Lisa:  Sounds like I had the same kind of night as you did!!!  I would say it wasn't too personal for this thread considering everything else we talk about  :shock: 

Well, someone has snot all over his face and is sick of his jitter buggy so talk later!!!