March/April Thread #3

[Judy]

Ankie - I am really struggling with the whole NO thing.  It has turned into OMG, when Sophie is 'into' something.  I like the discussion approach but still - I guess it is the creativity part that Nikki and Judy are talking about that I am lacking.

Richelle it really is a process and I think starting when they are so young is so much better for you and them.  I can't speak for Nikki but it's hard to shift gears, you get into a pattern of communicating with someone and it's hard to change and hard for them when suddenly things are different.  But I remind myself that it's easier still at 2 or 3 than at 9 or 10.  Heck yesterday I needed to find a way to keep the girls amused and willing to stay awake through the 2.30-4.30 hours so I broke out a 1000 pc puzzle I bought for ME (they love puzzles but theirs are more like 30pcs).  Anyway I was on the phone with a friend and the girls started throwing the pieces up in the air and then scattering them off the table (very small pcs too) and I was getting frustrated thinking "great I'm gonna loose 3 pcs before I even get it started" so I said "Zoe are you going to stop that or do you need to go to your room?"  It's no sooner out of my mouth and I'm rolling my eyes at myself and my friend says "Hey!! I thought you weren't doing the timeout thing anymore?!!!"  sometimes it's so knee-jerk for me - so much better when I'm prepared ahead of time.  Talking is great but sometimes they don't stop to listen and that frustrates me.  I need to step back and relax.  But it is hard, takes lots of energy.  AND I'm very honest with them, I'll apologize for yelling if it happens and I'll sometimes even say "look I know there should be a better way of working this out but right now I can't think of what it is.  So for now... "  maybe it's putting them in a chair when they hit each other or something.  I really don't have a better solution and maybe they could help me find one... but for now something has to happen and my creativity isn't working for me. So I explain that to them.

It's easier to work with Zoe than Sarah , just for the communication alone.  Well and personality.  Sarah is very focused and has no interest in what you are saying at times.  That frustrates me.  But sometimes if I ask Zoe ahead of time about something she'll give me some ideas and if we implement them it really helps.  They like to shower sometimes but it often ends up with lots of screaming and tears on their part so the other day I said to Zoe that she could have a shower but it often takes a long time and has a lot of crying and screaming and how could we make it go smoother?  Well she gave me ideas and we did them and it was easy as could be.

Ankie thanks for telling us more about the Restitution workshops and your school's approach to discipline.  Very interesting!

[sophieandhannah]

Thanks for the talk about saying no and head bumps (not bonks...Bec...you sicko )
Richelle..Also thanks for the website on ficus'( fici ?) It has loads of helpful info! :? We'll see if I can save old Benny..
And the peanut butter blossoms...love em...gonna make em.
OMG Ryan's boody is soooo boodylicious!  Sophie and Ryan are such early readers eh? 
See you all at the chat tonight...
crikey! baby trying to play guitar...
Hannah

[sophieandhannah]

Disaster avoided...dd now in bed for nap #1...dh still sleeping.  I am "letting" him sleep in this morning as he has been sooo stressed lately with work.  I have to tell you girls about it all, I haven't had a chance to until now. Sorry if it's a bit of a long story.
The other night I went out after Sophie went to sleep to get a little Xmas shopping done.  Before I left, dh was explaining some work things to me, was really stressed and had opened a bottle of wine.  I was trying to be sympathetic but sometimes I think I just sort of zone out because he talks about work a lot and I guess I'm just not always that good of a listener...I have my own things to think about etc...plus, I am a problem solver by nature and he seems to have the same issues over and over and I offer suggestions for solutions but the issues never seem to get resolved (mostly not his fault I guess??) 
So I left to do a little shopping.  I came home at about 9:30 and he started to tell me play by play about how Sophie woke up crying hard.  He went in to do pu/pd but she wouldn't settle.  So he came downstairs with her to get a frozen binky but there wasn't one in the freezer so on their way back upstairs, she started reaching for a bottle that was left on the entry way table and he figured "oh she must be hungry" so he fed it to her...Soooo the whole time he's telling me all of this I am thinking  #1 we don't FEED her in the night anymore and #2 I don't even know how long that bottle was sitting there...I may have left it there from who knows when...so I try to take a deep breath and not just unload.  I say "Honey, it sounds like you dealt with it well.  I just want to check in with you that you know that we are not feeding her at night anymore..." Well he just looses it.  Ugh!
He basically gets really angry at me for correcting him, thinks I treat him like a child etc etc...
I didn't back down though..you know?  I get really sick of having to tip toe around the whole "how we do things with Sophie" issue...it's like Look either you are on board with the bw stuff or not and if you are great then be on board...if you're not then lets find something that works for US....finally we got to the real root of the problem which is he is stressed at work, thinks he is going to have to be working even more long hours than he already is, hates the fact that this means he gets less time to spend with "his girls", and is just absolutely worn out.  I had said to him earlier "I just don't feel like I had any time to myself today"  Well..he told me that he almost lost it when he heard that (he had tears in his eyes while telling me this) He was like it is so hard for me to hear you say you need more time for yourself when you get to spend all day with Sophie.  He says he would give anything to trade places some days.
Needless to say I felt bad for dh.  I can totally understand.  It kills me that his job sort of trumps mine in terms of hours (he stays late...I leave as early as possible even though I still have more work to do) and stress (he could get let go, I have job security) to perform.  He is really good at what he does but he does not have a degree.  He worked his way up and I think he feels very insecure about it sometimes.
So, thanks for listenning to that.  I guess I feel like I can be really selfish sometimes and I think it is important to be that way...or at least to take care of one's self.  I think dh could really take a lesson from me and do a little more for himself so that he can feel good. At one point in our conversation I told him to quit playing the victum...nobody else can take responsibility for how he is feeling...he has to take it.  I also need to learn a lesson from him and be greatful for the time I have with dd instead of complaining (as I did while I was back in the classroom) about how much work it is to take care of her.  It is a work of love. 
It feels a little 50's style for me to be thinking...ok I guess I am going to have to hunker down and support my husband.  If he needs to work lots of hours I will pick up the slack at home....in a weird way though I am really ok with that.  Anyone experience anything similar?  I have never been a "stand by your man" kind of person.  I have always been more of a "take care of and look out for #1" type...which I still am but I am seeing the other side of things a little now too. 
Thanks again for listening.  I really needed to get that out. 
Hannah

[Judy]

Hannah, that's not 50's style thinking - that's teamwork   50's style thinking would be for dh to come home at 5pm and sit on the sofa waiting for his beer which you deliver with a smile, a kiss and the paper and then proceed to wisk the children away and hush them up while daddy unwinds from his day.  Picking up the home slack because he's stressed and needs to work more hours but misses his girls - that's teamwork!!

Sarah is currently doing laps around the house - the whole adorable 2yr old swishing of the legs, hips and arms as she runs - you know, runnign while twisting the trunk of the bod?  So funny.  The other night she hightailed it outa bed when she was supposed to be going TO bed... sooo funny, she's got socks on and is slipping and sliding on the wood floor but trying to go as fast as she can to get away - screeching with glee the whole way - I could do nothing but laugh - well and hope she made the turn through the kitchen doorway tot he living room without smashing into the doorframe

Ok I'm supposed to be cleaning, making pies, making cookies for Santa, finishing up some presents... the list goes on.. and instead I'm here!!  Ladies STOP being so interesting!

Where the he!! is Tracy anyway?  Do I need to drive to Toronto and move that computer myself lady?

[Colesmom]

OMG I'm like 1 million pages behind.  connection hasn't been working for 1.5 days!  off to catch up, 15 minutes left for cole's nap!

hope everyone is well!

[Erin M]

Hannah - aside from the fact that I only work two days a week instead of every day, I could have written your post.  DH is SO busy at work right now - the other day, he told me he was going to try really hard to get home by 3:30 (he was supposed to have a half day off) and he walked in the door at 8:15.  I used to get really annoyed at him for coming home late, but then I thought about it - it's not like he WANTS to be at work until all hours of the night.  He leaves sometimes before Katie it up and comes home after she goes to sleep...and he hates that more than anything.  So, I try to make life as easy for him when he's here, which translates into me doing most everything around the house, or him just watching Katie so I can get things done around the house.  We both know it's not a forever thing and he helps out where he can, and yes it is hard for me sometimes to not be able to have a break, but it's the best we can do right now. 

Have to run, but we can talk more about this if you want!

[Nikki~Nathan&Danielle]

Hi Traci - bye Traci!  :wink:   Hope see you back soon girl!

Hannah, yes it is teamwork and things just change when you become a family, I do the majority of housework type stuff (washing, cleaning, kitchen etc), not because it's 50's style, but I do treat it as my job and both me and DH are basically "working" until both kids are in bed in some shape or form.  There's no sit down and relax until that's happened - it could be either of us doing bath or cooking dinner, but either way it all happens.  I too never thought I'd be the one doing all that stuff, but that's the way it goes.  Hope you sort things out with DH.

Richelle

I can't speak for Nikki but it's hard to shift gears, you get into a pattern of communicating with someone and it's hard to change and hard for them when suddenly things are different

Zoe are you going to stop that or do you need to go to your room?" It's no sooner out of my mouth and I'm rolling my eyes at myself and my friend says "Hey!! I thought you weren't doing the timeout thing anymore?!!!" sometimes it's so knee-jerk for me - so much better when I'm prepared ahead of time.

Yes, it takes a lot for me to change the patterns I've built up, they're so ingrained in me that it takes a lot of work and creativity to be thinking ahead of time to head off a problem.  It happened to us yesterday: I was at the park with the kids, Nathan decided to roam out of the playground, no problem, headed off towards a yucky looking empty sports building and around the back where the toilets were, well the way it may have been better for me to deal with it was to head him off prior to him going towards it and distract him and "create" fun elsewhere, but what happened was he got too close, decided that's what he wanted, I yell "STOP", doesn't listen, keeps running, "STOP, you will come here now or we will need to go home" (threats).  "NO" from him. Now on the face of it this is "normal" type scenario that you see all the time and yes I did need to stop him from running around into the toilets and where I couldn't see him, but where things were lacking was me heading it off before it got to that point, actually would have been the easier option and no yelling from either of us, because then we got into a battle of wills and it wasn't going to be me who was going to stand down since I'd started that and I needed to follow through at least (so I basically did have to work hard to convince him that we needed to leave).  The problem is, I really saw a change in both our behaviours afterwards as well, his face got a little hard and scowly until I managed to distract him enough and start to have fun again - it is soooo easy to get into a constant frame of mind to always be saying no, you feel hard, they feel defiant etc etc. 

So, I just chalk it down to a learning experience and move on and not dwell on it.

Well, Nathan slept right through the night last night without a peep - completely! Didn't muck around at bedtime and actually slept in till 6.10 instead of 5.10 - woohoo!  Just had to celebrate that, they are so few and far between.   :shock:   Danielle woke once at 4am and I fed her, didn't want to risk her waking Nathan which often happens... :? I think she may have been a bit chilly too.

Well, it's Saturday morning here now, so tomorrow our Christmas Day will be over when a lot of you will still be on Christmas Eve, weird huh?  Santa would have left the Southern Hemisphere and making his way up to you all.  :wink:

[Little Bear's Mum]

Goodmorning, I've just done a catch up, and I'm about to put Daniel to bed for nap 1, although he's not looking that tired it's been 3 hours up. But I HAD to come on and share that we have our 2nd tooth and maybe a 3rd!!!! The top right has come thru, and we think the bottom right, but not too sure on that one. It's been right below the surface and can see the white, but can't tell if it's thru or not. He's very protective of his mouth thismorning and won't show us!  So yay, that makes up for getting up to him at 10.30pm 11.30pm 12.30am when he finally had some medicine, then slept thru until 3.30am then again until 6.30am. He just needed to be re positioned each time as he was in awkward positions and the teeth were giving grief, so at least it was quick wakings. Anyway, the tooth/teeth thismorning make it seem worthwhile.

Like the look of the recipe. Yum. Thanks Richelle.

Kate, I love the box photo, and the title..... soooo funny. DH thought so too.

Nikki, good start with your mum and SD, you've gotta plant the seed then let the tree blossom so to speak.

Hannah, sounds like you're working thru things, and that's what matters. Better to do that, than have things bottle up and then explode.

Judy, I"m picturing this cute little girl running thru the house, hard to believe it won't be long and we'll all be experiencing this too. Awwwww (insert soppy emoticon here)

Bye for now.

[Colesmom]

Hey Judy-thanks for missing me. And you're right...I have to move this thing downstairs as it's driving me nuts.  All I have time for is to skim. I should have woken Cole from catnap 10 min. ago but wanted to get through as much as I could.  I've missed so much, but LOVED the pics of Ryan.  it was ryan, right :oops:  :?

i WILL be at chat tonight.  GUARANTEED.  I need my fix.

On a positive note, DH came home early last night so I could go to my company Christmas party.  It was nice to get OUT.  I had a cosmo before dinner

Cole woke 4 times before 11, then slept til 1:45, I fed him...think might be 9 month growth spurt and slept until 5:30.  YAY, because i went to sleep at midnight.

okay girlies, really must wake my boy.

miss you all sooooo much.  for those that won't be around much (like me) over the weekend, have a great holiday weekend.

[Colesmom]

something to compete with Ryan



and my smuggies beautiful blue eyes

[Richelle]

OK ladies is it like bizarro world here today or what? 

I just got back from a 'girls' Christmas party and thought ohhh I hope I am in time for my 'other' girls.   I went directly to chat without collecting $200 and it is all, well strangers - I feel like a little kid, I just left  :oops: !  I will only pass up precious sleep for you ladies  :lol: !  I know it is Christmas Eve for half of us and a busy time but come on, where is everyone!!

Michelle - I forgot earlier but basically I came to the Cayman Islands to party/wakeboard/bartend/pay off student loan and I guess when I accomplished that I met DH fell in love/got hitched/knocked up and I suppose we are working on the next list.  I was born and raised in Saskatchewan - AND proud of it!

Traci - Cole is soooooo cute - what a cute tooshie!  My SIL always says as soon as they "free willy", my nephew has a pee so only does it outside.  I had thought perhaps it was a boy thing but now seeing all this cutie buns 'indoors' maybe it is just Jack.

Micky - that reminds me that I keep forgetting to say that we got my nephew Jack the same Speed Racer car that your Jack got!!  I hope he is not too big for it!  Also I have all the pic's I have gotten in the cards on the fridge, I got your card 1st so I put Jackson's picture up and DH said "Why does Jack look so different?"...DUH..cuz it isn;t OUR Jack but still funny.

Ankie - DH also asked if Arwyn was Sophie  :roll:  I know he is looking pretty dense at this point but I promise he isn;t!  I am part Metis so people tell me that my eyes look Asian and Sophie has my exact eyes so I suppose I can see where that comes from. 

It is neat for me to have Sophie look so much like me and I probably dwell on it a bit b/c I am adopted and have never looked like anyone in my family.  Although I got that I look like my dad sometimes b/c we have a very similar cultural background.

Which also brings me back to the discipline discussion again.  I think that my mom did alot of UP because she felt she had to because they had tried so hard to have a baby and then waited so long to adopt my older brother and then me, KWIM?  She was so thankful and a very intelligent/progressive woman who had no parenting style/model to choose from in her situation as she was not really considered a 'mom' at the time, was refused maternity leave or any government tax cuts ect... 

I had no idea how hard it must have been for her at the time until I had a baby and thought of all the support I did and DIDN'T have.  It was and never has been a "thing" that I am adopted, I don't remeber ever being told, I have always just known and have always been very thankful that the woman that had me made such a selfless decision.  DH and others seem to think it is mysterious and can;t believe I am not interested in meeting my birth mother - I have one mom and that is plenty thanks!

Anyway, I think that the UP approach that my mom unknowingly did has hurt me as well as help me.  I know I am a very grounded and independent person because I have always known my mom would be there no matter what.  I know that I am an intelligent person because I have always been made to help solve the problems rather than be a part of them...  BUT I feel it has made me a fairly self-involved person.  I  found it exceedingly BUT less and less difficult to be denied something and when I have been denied something I have compensated elsewhere. Example:  I failed my first exam EVER in 1st year geology, I was hung over(not taking school seriously b/c I didn;t believe there would be a consequence) and marked all 250 answers TRUE and was aghast that I had failed and couldn't come up with a reason to convince the prof to let me redo the exam.  WHy would I expect such consideration?  That night I think I decided I could control MYSELF if nothing else and drank WAY too much and woke up somewhere starange...VERYSCARY!!  I know strange example but anyone see where I am going with this?  I really don;t think I was set up well enough to deal with the 'real world', maybe that was a failing on my part and it really hasn't been that bad but I think basically i could have matured easier and faster if...

After all that I haven;t told you yet!  My mom was 43 and thought she was experiencing menopause and 'went' with the feelings of heat, nausea, dizziness, sore boobs..see where this is headed and yes found out that she was expecting! :shock:    :lol: !  They could not explain why/how ect... but there we had it!  I got a baby brother when I was 12, he is Sophies Godfather.

Sorry for rambling..does any of that make sense?  Again talking about it I feel so self involved and just feel like I am at back home, given every consideration and a set of ears at all times ect...but then my dad threw a wrench in things but this is long enough......

[kate585]

Richelle, thanks for sharing!  I can only imagine how cool it must be to look into Sophie's eyes and see a blood relative for the first time.  Gives me goosebumps just thinking of it.  As for the UP stuff, I can't wait to see what Nikki and Judy have to say about it.  Such a great learning experience.  (Regarding chat, a few of us were there earlier 9 EST, but I left after a bit to make my cookies.  Sorry to have missed you!  Btw, I think word of our kool kids chat is getting out!) 
Judy/Nikki, we loooove Snugglepuppy here.  Whenever Ryan pulls all the books down (2-3 times a day depending on if I've gotten the energy to put them back for him to pull right down  :roll: ), he always stops at Snugglepuppy.  He looks at it, opens it, licks it.   :? I think it's b/c it's dh's favorite to read to him.  It is so cute!  (Reminds me of Taylor, Andrea.) 
Traci, I told you at chat, but that kid is so freakin' cute!  Lovin' the booty shot!!!  And, if you do get to go back and read the 53 pages you missed, you'll see that we were all missing you like crazy!  All we want for Christmas is for you to move your PC, to move your PC, to move your PC.  (Anyone?  Two front teeth?  Get it? :lol: ) 
Merry, Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!

[Taylor's Mommy]

HI Girlies,

So far behind.  It has been a whirlwind few days with Christmas prep and everything and trying to be a good nap board moderator...it really makes it hard to get on here as much as I'd like.

Anyhoo, Ankie, ages ago you had asked if we had made the cards ourselves and yes we did.  Although we did get the idea from a website:
http://www.metrobabycards.com/girl2.html
and then Art did the design in photo shop.   :oops:

So today had a great day planned out of baking, church, even chatting with you girls and then I got a devestating call from one of my new mommy girlfriends.  A man showed up on her doorstep saying that he was the husband of the woman that her husband had been having an affair with  :shock:     He had hired a PI and had proof and everything.  She confronted him and he admitted it!!!  That !  So I watched her daughter who is just 2 weeks older than Taylor for a few hours, kind of throwing a wrench in the plans.  But it was the least I could do.  Can you even friggin imagine finding out such devastating news the day before Christmas f*^%ing eve :!:  :?:  :!:  :?:  words cannot even express how horrible I feel for her   :cry:

So I just had a moment to browse the pics and they are too cute.  Judy, you posted your family pic a while back and it is lovely!

Gotta go to bed girls.  I am so beat.  merry Christmas everyone and will promise to keep up next week!

[Taylor's Mommy]

first, it bleeped me.  Instead of saying poobrain I said Ba$tard.

Also, didn't mean to include the F word with Christmas.  Just trying to get across how completely shocked I was!   :oops:  :oops:

[Arwyn's mom]

Ankie - DH also asked if Arwyn was Sophie  :roll:  I know he is looking pretty dense at this point but I promise he isn;t!  I am part Metis so people tell me that my eyes look Asian and Sophie has my exact eyes so I suppose I can see where that comes from. 

It is neat for me to have Sophie look so much like me and I probably dwell on it a bit b/c I am adopted and have never looked like anyone in my family.  Although I got that I look like my dad sometimes b/c we have a very similar cultural background.

Richelle... a compliment to Arwyn that she looks like your gorgeous Sophie. Now that you mention it, in the Santa picture, because it is so far away, it could be Sophie if you just glance at it. My DH is adopted too and he read how you never looked like your family. He said he felt the exact same way growing up. He is from a family of brunettes and he is platinum blonde. He also, has always known that he was adopted and his sister still tells the story of how he came home. (They were hoping for a puppy and got a little brother instead.)

He mentioned that that was the coolest part of finding his birth mother and her family, because you can see the genetic resemblance. After his forever parents passed away, he looked for his birth parents. Out of respect for his father, who requested he not look for them, he never did when they were alive. After they passed away (within 5 months of each other), I think he was feeling really alone and he found his birth mother a month before we got married. It is quite something. We go to visit them at least once a year, usually twice and they have come here more times than his real sisters. I don't know what prompted him to look but I do know he is glad he did. He also found his birth father, whom, through his mother, pretty much told DH he wanted nothing to do with him.

Andrea... you post popped up when I was posting... What a freakin' poobrain. You are right. In our house, he would be a poo poo head. Hugs to your new mommy friend. A new baby and a first Christmas should be glorious, not clouded with $h!tty news about a cheating D ick H ead :twisted: .

Kate... I also think news of the cool girls chat is getting out. I hopped on at 9:30 all hopeful that some of you were around but... I saw that the last two people on there were not from our thread.

I wonder... I know you can create your own room for people to join into when they come into the chat room. Should we be doing that? or would that be a no-no? Someone mentioned not liking it when "strangers" come in... I don't mind but I feel badly for them because they don't know us and the background, etc. and it is hard to include them when all you want to do is spend some quality time with your girls!!

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone!