Support for Dropping That Last Nap, Thread #2

[Katet]

Congraulations Deb... not that I remember 3 years ago - actually rather enjoying our first day with 2 preschoolers LOL but dc1 will adjust & get used to noise etc... we never used white noise for either child & I really can only remember 2 occasions where I had to wake dh as I had 2 children to deal with otherwise they slept through each other... pity I can't though... nearly 5 years & I still stir to their noises.

We had a FANTASTIC day yesterday at the Zig Zag railway for ds2 & his cousin's Birthday (& all the adult ones too LOL) & we had 2 sleeping boys & one snoozing mumma on the car trip home & still had them in bed asleep only 45mins later than bedtime... no nap today as other cousins were here but at 5.45 he is close to ready for bed... just about to chow down on some of his favourite short soup (when dh & him get back from the shop) & then stories & bed!... yeah early night for Mummy too.

[debo620]

well it seems OT monster has set in.

Noah was asleep at 8, but basically woke 8:45, 10, 11, 12--quick cries and resettles--nothing much to do with Cohen. then slept til just before 7, thank goodness.

down for nap at 12:30---basically screaming and crying and throwing his lunch so went to bed without lunch, 

[marensmama]

Deb, don't forget, Noah's life is suddenly topsy-turvy.  No matter how much attention you try to give him, you also have a newborn to look after and that is a HUGE adjustment for him (speaking from experience here!!).  It wouldn't matter if he was tired or not (and it certainly doesn't help that he is, but it's unavoidable regardless).  Maren loved her sister like crazy from the start but there was a lot of attention getting behaviour (not jealous behaviour, just lots of tantrums, lots of whining, lots of not listening) in those early days.  I tried to remember that as hard as it was for us to adapt to being a family of four it was worse for her because she didn't have the maturity to even know what she was feeling let alone work through it rationally.  It's hard, but it's likely not a nap issue, it's an "OMG, my life has changed and I want what I had before" issue.  The good news is that it will get better, but honestly, please don't get worked up over his naps, that might even make it worse because he'll feel the stress around it and you will get more frustrated when he doesn't nap.

Hugs!

[NikkiSurrey]

Hi Bethany

Thanks very much for the advice.  It all helps - I am looking for reasons why things might have changed recently.  So, I guess it probably is way too early for him to actually drop the nap.  It could just be other things going on in his little head at the moment.

We tried having him nap at the same time as nursery but he just wasn't tired enough and wouldn't settle.  He's learned independent sleep so when he won't go down, it's usually because he's just not tired enough.  We have to watch his cues really carefully (we do now ask him if he wants a sleep but we don't get any clear replies yet - not speaking quite enough yet!)  I think he's happy to nap at nursery because of 'positive peer pressure', in other words when it's time to nap, he'll follow the crowd.  It's completely different at home and the little nap routines I carefully worked on before he started there (at 13 months) are nice but don't appear to be so useful anymore - what I really need is half a dozen little children for him to copy!

It's really helpful though to get some thoughts on adjusting all his sleep though, ie including at night.

BTW I have two nephews, 3yrs 8m & 2 yrs 4 months.  They both dropped their last nap fairly young, and I recall that the younger one started being 'obstinate' about it a few months ago, ie he must've been under 2...now he only naps when out in the pushchair or in the car, never at home.  It is tough for my SIL who's a SAHM as he does get stroppy and quite naughty when he's knackered, but there's no persuading him (and I guess you can't force a child to go to sleep).  They both go to bed at 6.15pm!

DS had no nap again today.  We had visitors so he was happy-and-hyped but still fine and only rubbing eyes a few times from 5pm onwards.  WI/WO took a bit less time again this evening so may go onto that thread to encourage people that that method does work!

Thanks again and good luck to all of you!
Nikki

[debo620]

thanks marensmama, what a day of emiotions around here.
Noah probably not tired enough, only napped 1hr 12:45-1:45
put him to bed at 7:30--couldn't seem to get him to bed any earlier---

I'll have to keep that phrase "attention seeking behaviour" in mind---he is really gettiing on my nerves today--hope my sweet boy returns soon

[marensmama]

He will.  Just in his own time, once he feels like his place in his family isn't threatened by the new 'intruder'.  And you may feel loads of guilt in the meantime, wondering what you've done to your family.  Or at least I did!  Just give him loads of attention, concentrate on the positive praise for as much as you can, and make time for extra snuggles during Cohen's nap times.  If he'll read books with you that can be nice when you're feeding the baby.  Our difficulties lasted a bit longer because I literally couldn't put Hayden down for the first 6-8 weeks while she suffered with reflux.  Oh and I was sleep-deprived and crabby.   It will get better, hang in there!

[Katet]

Deb life for your little man has changed forever & he will change with it, you will have good days & bad days, but most of all remember he isn't doing it to drive you mad (although it can feel like that) he is doing it because it is the only thing he can do to "cope" or "communicate" the changes are having an impact on him. I remember having a really bad week & my friend said When ever he is happily occupied & you are walking near enough to go past & ruffle his hair or stoop & give a kiss  DO IT... it is so easy to say "he's quiet lets just leave him to it" but that often means they feel even more left out... I mean all the people asking about the new baby (& gifts etc) can't exactly help a child feel wanted... we've had a 4.5yo "acting out" because his brother had a birthday & so the focus was on his brother (& Dad).
As a slightly spirited Adult it doesn't take much to upset my applecart, so I can imagine the impact of it all on a toddler.

[debo620]

today was better after a decent nights sleep for us all.

Noah is awesome--very nice to his brother but just a little crazy---wants to go in all of the baby things--the playpen, playmat etc---totally should of set this stuff up months ago...I am dreading bringing out the swing as I know he'll be in it.

Stacy--totally Noah is so BIG---felt that way today when I was changing his diaper after changing Cohens-----went out and bought some PT supplies. wont start anytime soon but maybe in 6weeks or something...I may need some tips from you there.

so on a napping thread---Noah did normal nap today after a 10hr night--seems to be his thing.

[Katet]

Deb even if you'd got those things out months ago He'd still be into them now... even if he was 10yo
a friend who has a 8yo & 10y & 3mo was saying the other day her 2 big children climbed into the cot when the first put it up & one of them even wanted to go in the stroller... just what they do
He might be big but if he wants to be a baby let him, a) it is age appropriate, my youngest & most of his friends the same age (non with babies younger) are all doing it & b) it is a way they can cope... do things like wrapping him in a blanket & cuddling if need be, makes them feel they are just as special as the baby KWIM.
 
Napping around here has hyped up after a super busy 5 days, yesterday he fell asleep on the train & I carried to the car & he slept 2.5hours total... only 1/2 hour late for bed too... today he ASKED for a nap at 11.20 & was asleep by 11.30.... 12.30 & still asleep.  I do think there is some serious growing going on with both boys as they are eating sooo much & even the eldest has napped (ie fallen asleep watching TV) the last 2 days... on Monday when ds2 didn't LOL.

[marensmama]

I agree with Katet, Maren asks me to feed her and hold her 'like a baby' a lot even still.  I just do it because I figure she'll stop asking me by the time she turns 18!

Ooh, growth!  That makes total sense.  Maren has been eating us out of house and home these last few days, had lots of great naps last week and then none so far this week.  I was trying to figure out what the variable was and couldn't.  Hmmm. 

BTW, Katet, I was looking back at my original posts (to see how little I knew in those days! ) and you were very patient in your answers to my posts about Maren's EWs. 

[debo620]

hey everyone,
just wondering--do your kids play outside after supper and do you find they need to be in by a certain time in order to settle to sleep?

after a really short night monday,
Noah actually slept 8pm til 7:40am this morning.
but really wanted and needed a nap slept 12:55-2:10 maybe--woke up on his own.
bed for 8ish- is maybe asleep now at 9pm..

so really I'm just wondering if playing outside til 7:30pm for an 8pm bedtime is too late? maybe we should be doing inside by 7---but DH and I disagree.

Noah loves the baby swing 

[marensmama]

Oh ya, Maren LOVES the swing too, except it's a borrowed one, and I'm pretty sure the maximum weight is not up to 31 lbs!!  She now knows it's only for babies and dollies. 

I read somewhere that it's too stimulating for some kids to be outside right before bed.  If you think that's Noah, then I'd maybe make hubby a bet and try his way for 3 days and your way for 3 days.

How is newborn hell?  Or was is just hell with a refluxer and you're in newborn heaven?!   Don't forget to update your signature line so Cohen is included!

Maren didn't nap the last 3 days, but has been sleeping ~12 hrs at night.  She did nap today, so bedtime was a little later, she was still asleep by 8:00 so that wasn't too bad.  Her personality is coming back (as is mine, so which came first, I wonder? ) and we're adjusting to naps maybe 2-3 times a week.  I let her sleep as much as she likes for the nap and it all works out well.  Must be a good day, I'm feeling less stressed about both girls naps.  I almost feel like I know what I'm doing!  ALMOST! 

[debo620]

LOL. I am sure that Noah is over 31lbs.

I do sort of think maybe outside is too stimulating..
good idea on trying 3 days of each way...
I think inside for 7 is reasonable, has time for wash and pjs and then a good 30minutes of chilling on the couch with books etc. problem is that we live on  culdesac with many kids that are quite often outside riding and he tends to stand at the window yelling hi to them!

Cohen is doing ok actually--feeding every 3hrs or so and 3-4hrs at night..I'm ok with this stage, its the stage when he becomes super alert, easily stimulated and starts 45min napping that I am not looking forward to.

[marensmama]

Well, I'm learning lots and pretty soon will have all the nap answers for you when you get there   and if I don't we'll get Stacy to weigh in on it!

LOL re the kids outside.  I always feel sorry for the parents who live next to the parks in the neighborhood!

[debo620]

oh yes Stacy was THE nap goddess back in my days, helped me so much...still does! Luv ya girl!