Hi Sarah M2,
First, you should not do pick up/put down before 4 months. For me, it did take us 2 months to have her sleep on her own during the day and no crying in the evening but had to go in the room every 5-10 min to give pacifier again until she fell asleep an hour later. We started at 3 months to try to have sleep on her own. At that time, she was crying a lot, it did help a lot when she took the pacifier again at 5 months, so I suggest you try that. Just to say that everything was screwed up by having somebody to take care of her once in a while that would rock her to sleep, so now I have to rock her during the day but not for the evening. So my experience, it does take a lot of time but you have to make sure that everyone will do the same as you or it probably won't work. At 3 months, it took us up to an hour during the day for naps and 2 hours for the evening.
I don't think that soothing visuals will help since that might be too stimulated but you never know. They say that for spirited one, it is better in the dark but I have seen no difference for mine (at that age).
Naps and night sleep is not the same so if you don't have too much a problem for him to put him to sleep in his cot during the day then continue to work on that and maybe you can do whatever is working in the evening to have him go to sleep if you find it too hard to work on everything at once. I did try to work on everything at once and my arm and my back were sore for so much sh/pat, not to say that I was going crazy so I would work on one thing at a time if I would have to do it again. Also, as they get older, they cry less (they play in the cot instead - not sleeping but at least you are less freaking out since the crying finally stop).
Sorry but my experience was long but it does get better. One thing that did help was swaddling and holding arms and legs (I still do hold her arms and legs sometimes when I rock her). One thing I can think is maybe to take step to have him sleep on his cot alone, like example rocking him with him lying on his side and sh/pat instead of on your shoulder and when he is good like that, you can move to put him on his cot on his side and sh/pat and then decrease sh/pat. I will try that with mine for her naps during the day when I find the courage to do it.
Good luck and let us know. Lots of hugs.
Annie - my lo is now 13 lbs 9 oz